To be shocked not to be told trans student sharing bedroom on school trips

[rosesrredviolets]

DD aged 15 shared a bedroom with a trans girl (born a boy) on a school trip. Dd only found out the sleeping arrangements whilst on the trip and we only found out later. I presumed that trans students would have their own bedrooms at this age. Am shocked not to have at least been asked by school in advance. However it would appear that the policy given to schools is that sharing is fine.

Her daughter shared a bedroom with a boy,it's absolutely the OP's concern.

School dorms and sleeping accommodation are supposed to be segregated by sex, anyone arguing against that is complicit in disregarding the law and dismantling safeguarding.

Nothing is zero risk.

Excellent point.

Let's abolish drinking water quality standards, fire regulations in public buildings, industrial pollution limits, laws on transporting plutonium, hospitals' pesky insistance on doctors having proper medical qualifications, and teaching children to look both ways when they cross the road.

Nothing is zero risk, after all.

It's really worrying that so many teenage girls seem to care more about not being perceived to be transphobic than they do about their own safety and privacy.

Agreed and in answer to how have we got here, herein lies a clue. Females have always been deeply conditioned to sacrifice their wants and needs to others; it sets them on to the trajectory of becoming a 'people pleaser'. We need to support girls in becoming more assertive, feeling and expressing their anger and using it to appropriately to protect themselves in precisely these situations. It will be interesting to see in a few decades, if those who have identified as female will have assimilated these attributes. I do appreciate what an absolute nightmare this must be for teachers and other group leaders but we cannot collectively fail girls in allowing this to continue.

In some cases, that will mean trans young people being accommodated alongside cis young people of the same gender. Trans young people are stigmatised enough, and this is a supportive measure.

This should NEVER be the case. Girls safety is not a price to be paid for being ‘supportive’ of trans people.

when a parent felt they had no choice but to out the trans girl as being gay i suppose, in a relationship with one of the girls they were to be sharing a bedroom with

The "trans girl" isn't gay. If he fancies girls then he's heterosexual. He wants to have his cake and eat it. Be one of the girls when he feels like it, then be a guy when he wants sex.

And to be fair a fail on everyone. The trans student could have been maliciously accused of inappropriate behaviour or assault

Oh yeah. Cos young girls have form for maliciously accusing boys of assaulting them. Jesus wept.

Do you mean trans girls hurting GIRLS?

I’d use boy hurting girl

Trans is for adults not children. Actually if that, I’d just use sex terms

I would be really upset if I had a daughter in this situation. At the end of the day you should have been informed first. Persumably the trans girl is biologically male and could get your DD pregnant.

I agree, I was caught up in not wanting to be controversial!

@rosesrredviolets

Please recognise this post as being from someone who has just used emotional manipulation to convince you to not follow this up. And hypocritically, is attempting to do so using recognition of children’s boundaries as being ‘ideological’ and attempting to shame you for caring about your child’s welfare. All based on what seems to be their own lack of boundaries.

The emotional manipulation in this post very concerning. And it is in no way your responsibility that the school has chosen this weak safeguarding model. Or your daughters.

Also do not take on the responsibly if the school chooses to not do away trips in the future. That will not be your responsibility and nor will it ever be your daughters.

The only people that bear the responsibility for this failure is the school.

That's your boundaries and beliefs that all children at 15 are sexually interested in each other. The majority aren't.

Rubbish. I've worked in secondary schools for 29 years. The majority are. Why wouldn't they be? It's the age where their hormones are running wild. It's practically all some of them think about!

How many incidents have there been of trans girls harming cis girls on school trips?

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Another that pisses me off regards this statement is that it's not just physical harm/potential physical harm that's the issue here.

But even if there are any any of it WHY should our girls, especially at an age where they are feeling ultra conscious about their body, even have to tolerate a male body on their close space and in an over night night context like this?

Why do trans girls get a pass to be there? Why not add "effeminate " presenting boys? And those being bullied by other boys? If the girls are human shields after all?

As an adult, if I went on a work trip, I would not want to share a room with a male colleague, regardless of how nice they are. Should I have the right to refuse that? If so, a teenage girl should also have that right.

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Absolutely this

Holy fuck, I hope to Christ you're not responsible for the safety of any children.

It's really worrying that so many teenage girls seem to care more about not being perceived to be transphobic than they do about their own safety and privacy.

Unfortunately it's not only a desire not to appear transphobic. Many of them are true and fervent believers. They are at a very influenceable age, and have not spent long enough in a world where the idea that a man could literally be a woman just by saying so was totally alien to absolutely everybody. If there are grown adults who believe this, then it's no surprise if a lot of idealistic teenagers do. Some are beginning to see the light though.

Wow id be kicking off about this. Its wrong

This is a safeguarding issue. I'd be complaining to the head, and telling them I'd be letting Ofsted know too.

It's really worrying that so many teenage girls seem to care more about not being perceived to be transphobic than they do about their own safety and privacy.

Which is another good reason why adults shouldn't be putting them into that situation in the first place.
Safe adults model safe behaviours.

Yes and I’d say this is down to adults pushing gender ideology without regard for girls

As on this thread with a couple of posters

In some cases, that will mean trans young people being accommodated alongside cis young people of the same gender. Trans young people are stigmatised enough, and this is a supportive measure.

Did you just assume the gender of the girls there? How very transphobic of you. Maybe they're all catgender, and need to be accomodation only with cats, as a supportive measure to make up for the terrible stigma they face. Ever consider that, bigot?

Even gender believers can't keep their story straight.

Just waiting for the day ona. School trip where there's more than one boy pretending to be a girl, so they can all go in the same room.... And then wait for the TRA to moan about it... But they're in .a 'girls' dorm...and they are all 'girls'... So no problem surely??? Can't wait for them to tie themselves in knots over how they will be justifying how they shouldn't be together...

Anyone wanting. To take this up with their schools, please ask for information on how the “whole school” policy has been follows. Schools should be taking account of the impact on the whole school not just one one cohort.

(Sorry for typos)