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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister stole my baby name

364 replies

JessMathews8 · 26/03/2024 22:07

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

OP posts:
IloveAslan · 27/03/2024 05:50

Your sister hasn't "stolen" anything. No-one owns a name, and your Nana was your sister's Nana too, and there is no reason both children can't have the same name. You are making a drama out of nothing.

StopStartStop · 27/03/2024 05:51

You are unreasonable in thinking that your sister should live her life in deference to you. She had a baby, she gave her baby a name. The name of her own grandmother, not just yours. Presumably, you both loved your Nana. So both use the name.

AspiringChatBot · 27/03/2024 05:59

I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl...

I would think this meant she didn't mind if you used the name even though she might also use it - in contrast to her comments right after finding out she was pregnant when she said it was "her" name and she had "dibs". She said she had other names on her list, but did she specifically say that Nana's name was off her list because she knew you would use it?

It may be that she and her partner had a list of names they liked, including this name, and when the baby came the name they thought suited her best was what they used. At least she can't be surprised or annoyed if you go ahead and use it too.

KezzaMucklowe · 27/03/2024 06:04

I don't think yabu. At all.
No one owns a name, that un itself is obvious. However, your sister knows your history and she knows that you were going to use it. She didn't have to ask you for permission but a heads up would have been a nice thing to do.
Do you usually get on ?
Use the name anyway and try not to wate the rest of your pregnancy stressing about this. Nothing has to change for you.

honeyandfizz · 27/03/2024 06:05

Stickyricepudding · 27/03/2024 05:38

That was hard to read without paragraphs but nobody owns a name. If you like it then go ahead and use it, your sister is expecting you to choose another name. I'd piss her off and use the name, if it's a family name then she doesn't get exclusive rights to it either.

Really? You must have something wrong with your eyes.

OP your Sister is totally out of order and I don't blame you for being upset.

MysteryDog · 27/03/2024 06:13

My DM told me once that my name was her second choice because her cousin used the name she had wanted for her daughter who is a few months older than me! I was a bit shocked but tbh I much prefer my name to my cousin's name. So, yes, your sister has been a bit weird but it doesn't really matter and your baby won't care (unless you second choice is Princess Banana Hammock).

DragonGypsyDoris · 27/03/2024 06:14

Just use ot but hyphenate it with -Mae because that's really classy and nobody has done it before.

Saymyname28 · 27/03/2024 06:18

I'd just use it any way. The smart thing to do would have been to announce your baby's name once you knew you had a girl. But hindsight is 2020.

Just use the name. When people say it's weird say yeah "yeah I know, don't know why sister chose the same name, I'd said what DDs name was when we found out at 16 weeks and I'd always said I had my heart set on it since DS."

Cousins really don't have much effect on eachothers lives. Use the name.

Babsexxx · 27/03/2024 06:18

This is why when I’ve found out the genders of my babies I have put a name announcement up alongside it I.e “Its a girl we can’t wait to meet you name” that way if anyone else uses it they’ll look silly.

There are plenty of family members in my dh family that have the same names due to traditions I’d still use it.

BakedBeanAddict · 27/03/2024 06:19

I have the same name as my cousin. Please don’t do it. I feel inferior to her in every single way, my grandparents treat me differently too. She’s the first and the best.

ManonDe · 27/03/2024 06:21

I am another who says just use the name anyway. You may start a tradition where every girl in the family has the name. I know plenty of examples of this... my cousin married into a family where the oldest girl of each 'branch' has the same name (although they more oddly go by their middle name until they turn 18 and then there is a sort of name celebration). In my own family, on DH's side every oldest son has a particular name, even my DS1. So he has 5 male cousins with the same name and an uncle and older generation cousins etc. Last summer we met up with a whole lot of them and have a wonderful photo of all the '[name]' crossing 4 generations!

IsadoraQuill · 27/03/2024 06:24

My cousin has the same name as me. I'm older and referred to as "Big XX" and she's "Little XX" which made sense when we were kids but now she's about six inches taller than me 🤣

BreatheAndFocus · 27/03/2024 06:26

Yes, it’s a mean thing to do, but, seriously, just use the name. If it was what you’ve been calling your bump, use it. That’s how you deal with this. Depending on what the name was, you could hyphenate it or use a different nickname, but use it, and, as a PP suggested, make it clear you’d chosen it first and your sister knew this so you were surprised when she used the same name.

PrinceLouisWeirdFinger · 27/03/2024 06:26

Just use the name. It’s a family name. Nobody owns it.

thesangriapeople · 27/03/2024 06:28

I think your sister has been out of order really. It seems quite spiteful.

I don't think you can call her the same thing as that just seems like an extension of her pettiness.

I would find another really gorgeous name and call her that, knowing and taking pleasure from the fact that deep down your sister has a name she doesn't want.

xsagestarsx · 27/03/2024 06:28

If it's an honorary name, I think it's fine to use it twice in the same family. My cousins have children with the same name after my Dad and I don't think twice about it. I think it's great they love and adore him so much that they both want to name their children after him. It's unfair she didn't consider your feelings but I echo what another poster said, nobody has dibs on a name. Your sister can't stop you from using the same name just because she has used it first, either. A lot of people say they're done having babies when they aren't necessarily, nobody knows what the future holds. Could you have a rethink and find another name you like just as much for your baby? And use your grandmother's name as a middle? I'm sure everything will work out in the end regardless of what you choose.
Enjoy your last few weeks of pregnancy and good luck with your birth x

ZekeZeke · 27/03/2024 06:30

Ah look I get why your upset, its as if there was an understanding however, as others have said, it's just a name, you don't own it.
Call your DD whatever you like but don't cause any unnecessary drama .
Can the name be shortened or lengthened to distinguish it?

What is this name anyway?

Velvian · 27/03/2024 06:32

I would just say. " Congratulations, that's lovely. We will have 2 baby Lilys in the family."

vanillawaffle · 27/03/2024 06:33

Use the name.

vanillawaffle · 27/03/2024 06:34

Oops sorry.

Use the name. It's not a random name. It's your nan's name. So it's understandable for it to be used as a family name

SignoraVolpe · 27/03/2024 06:34

My uncle and his cousin have the same name.
It was normal in the 40’s because often their dad’s had the same name and dc were named after their dad.

My dc and her cousin have the same middle names.

@JessMathews8 Use the name you want. It’s not as if the dc are going to be close cousins if you have such a strained relationship with your dsis.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 27/03/2024 06:35

I understand you’re hurt.

She’s trying to actively prevent you from using the name (as well)! Saying she has “dibs” on it is controlling, petty and unnecessarily hurtful. This goes much further than her simply using the name as well.

And I am honestly incredibly sorry that your own sister is trying to control and pressure you like that. This must feel so raw, especially considering the background of pregnancy loss and fertility struggle. You deserve better! Flowers

But as pp said: NOBODY owns a name. Doesn’t matter that your DSis is the older one or that she gave birth three weeks before your DD. Use the name you want!

If that’s your grandmother’s name, it’s your grandmother’s name.

And try to ignore your sister’s pettiness. Don’t give her any power over you and your decisions.

Shouldgetupearlier · 27/03/2024 06:36

Tangy to be really upset, and I might be tempted to message that I would still use the name, but in reality I wouldn’t. Just think of your mum having 2 granddaughters with the same name a month apart - they couldn’t even be big sue and little sue so would be called sue smith and sue jones within their own family.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 27/03/2024 06:38

BreatheAndFocus · 27/03/2024 06:26

Yes, it’s a mean thing to do, but, seriously, just use the name. If it was what you’ve been calling your bump, use it. That’s how you deal with this. Depending on what the name was, you could hyphenate it or use a different nickname, but use it, and, as a PP suggested, make it clear you’d chosen it first and your sister knew this so you were surprised when she used the same name.

This.

>>oh, you’re naming her “Alice” as well? But Nana was such a lovely woman. I love that well soon have two little Alices.<<

if she tries to go on about dibs

>>dibs?What do you mean? I’ve always said that I’d call my daughter Alice. That was supposed to be DS’s name if he had been a girl.<<

but it seems as if the situation is incredibly strained anyway. So OP may just want to “grey rock” tbh… might be best.

WandaWonder · 27/03/2024 06:39

So your sister wanted to use a name you chose yourself, this could be understandable but they added 'stole' does go into dramatic territory

And seems consistent with posters in this situation I wonder if there is a template?