Sister stole my baby name

[JessMathews8]

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

Just use the name. 4 of my cousins are called after their grandfather.

Similar happened to my friend, in that her sister had a boy first and chose the name my friend wanted for her son, though I'm not sure the name had been discussed between them. My friend just used the same name. That was long ago as the kids are grown now - it hasn't caused a problem.

Personally I wouldn't have done it - there are plenty of other names. Did your Nana have a middle name? Or can you change it to something similar?

Nicknames seem like the obvious solution.

”Alice” might be called Lissie and Allie. Or they may end up being called something rather unrelated to their given names.

My family called me by various nicknames completely unrelated to my actual given name😅 so do many of my friends and my SO tbh.

Nobody owns a name.

I would be angry too as it is a typical sibling "theft" but logic tells me that she has as much right to the name as you do.

That said, I would still be furious if it had happened to me.

Just use the names, maybe change it slightly. Yabu as you don't own names. Your mum is right

I'm surprised with the responses. You clearly told your sister this would be your baby's name a long time ago and made it clear again now you're actually pregnant with a girl. She could have chosen any other name or use the same name as middle. She's definitely weird to have done that.

YADNBU.

I would still use the name, as you've planned it. If anyone asks, be honest and say you chose first and your sister used it regardless.

She did it knowing you'd be upset. I'd use the name if you love it so much, if not I'd use it as a middle name. People are saying it's her nan too which is true but she knew it's what you would be naming your little girl and you have been calling bump by that name for a long time. It is hurtful but if you call her out on it she will turn ot around on you. I'd just pay no heed, enjoy the end of your pregnancy and use the name anyway.

People are totally missing the point, it's not about "owning names" but about respecting your wishes as her sibling.

Just use the name. My brother has exactly the same first name and surname as his uncle and his cousin. It's fine. I have the same unusual name as my cousin too. It's not a problem. Names can be used more then once!

Op wasn’t saying that though. It’s not an homage, it’s a name the Op liked and chose for her baby.

And name stealing is a thing. Just because someone can still use a name doesn’t mean the idea hasn’t been taken. Just like if you buy a dress and your friend turns up in the same one because she liked it.

I’m with you on this one. This is about your sister not caring about your wishes and not being respectful. Personally, I would be livid! (But know my sisters would not have done this to me).
I don’t understand why cousins would have the same name (unless they all go by their middle name)- why would grandparents want their grandchildren to all have the same name!
You are right to be hurt, but could you use your Nanna’s name as your child’s middle name? You may just have to move past this, I’m afraid, just for your own well-being.

Just use it. Tell her it will be fine for the cousins to have the same name as you don't envisage seeing her much going forward anyway.

It's a name, just name your daughter that name,.

Op, I hope this isn't really insensitive, but do you think your sister thought you weren't going to have another child so felt free to use the moniker?

Different perspective here: a family member has named 3 of her dc after dead people in the family, including someone who hated his name. I think children should have their own identity. I admired my brother who reveal to say the name of his unborn daughter but did say he was breaking family tradition of using a certain name somewhere in the girls’ names.

Use it as a middle name, or call her the same with a variation perhaps, no problem in having the same name either, but don't let this take the shine off of your pregnancy, it's not really a big deal, honestly x

I got cousins with the same name in my family too.
If you like the name just use it.

You don't own the name. Loads of families share the same names. It was her nan too. You can still call your daughter the same name, or a variation of it. You don't live together and your kids won't ve at the same school presumably, so it doesn't matter if they're the same.

None of this timeline makes sense- what do you mean she used a name for six years?

I would be more sympathetic if it was just a name that you have always liked. It’s not. It’s both of your Nana’s name. It is just as sentimental to her as if it to you.

You sound like a spoilt child who shouted dibs first. Like two kids running for a car, the one running slower who shouts “shotgun” and then expects to sit in the front seat even though they got to the car last. Or like when my kids are eating their dinner and promised ice cream if they eat if all up, whoever finishes dinner first gets first pick of the ice lollies, but all through the meal one is saying “ooh I really fancy that chocolate one” and then throws a tantrum when they don’t finish their dinner first and get first pick of the ice creams.

No-one owns a name. She had a daughter first and used her Nana’s name. Just because you shouted loudest that if you ever have a daughter you would use that name, doesn’t mean you own it and she doesn’t.

You are allowed to feel disappointed. And you are allowed to use the same name also.

What is your sister like? Is she generally ok/nice or does she typically do things that hurt your feelings?
You can’t control what she names her baby but you can feel annoyed that she knows you planned to use it. I would use it yourself. Don’t make any drama. If she says you’re stealing her thunder etc just breezily say that you’ve always planned to use it, it means a lot to you then leave it.

And this is why you never share your intended name...
OP, your sister was a bitch for saying she had dibs.
Your mum isn't helping by choosing sides either.
I hope you land on another name that you will love even more. 🥰

OP has had four miscarriages. Cut her some slack.
OP, your sister still thinks you are the child she dominated years ago. She's behaved liked an entitled bully.

That's exactly what you say to her. No emotion. Keep it short. Have witnesses.
You then say that naming your kid as the name your sister stole would remind you that your sister is a conniving cow. You are not going to do that. You are not going to curse your kid with your sister's issues.
Then pick a new name. A new awesome name because you are awesome. Buy a Häagen-Dazs chocolate ice-cream and celebrate😀
Happiness is the best revenge.

Always stand up to bullies.
It does not matter what she says next. It does not matter if she blocks your whatsapp number etc.

People on here will never support you in this, they’re very ‘no one owns a name blah blah blah…’

But you’ve been very open about this name for years, you discussed it when you found out the sex for this baby at 16 weeks. Your sister said you could use it finally, like you’d planned. And your sister has swooped in and used it herself. She may be ^entitled
u to do that, but it doesn’t make her any less of a twat and a shit sister.

I’d use a variation on the name but the relationship with my sister would be damaged by this. It’s just underhand and a dick move.

Use the name anyway. It doesn’t sound like you especially like your sister so the cousins are unlikely to be close.