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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister stole my baby name

364 replies

JessMathews8 · 26/03/2024 22:07

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

OP posts:
Treesinmygarden · 27/03/2024 00:21

Maddy70 · 26/03/2024 22:33

She has called her daughter after her nana .it isn't your name. You are being silly.

Foolish!

TerriPie · 27/03/2024 00:22

Just use it and tell your sister to bugger off.

Loads of cousins have the same first name and how often will they ever be in the same room as each other anyway? Unless you're a super close family but I'm guessing not as your sister has been a bit unkind to you.

(My Granny had an adopted sister with the same name and they were called Big Agnes and Little Agnes, no idea why no one thought to call one of them Senga or Nancy 🤣)

Treesinmygarden · 27/03/2024 00:22

I'd use the name anyway. She doesn't own it!!

JMSA · 27/03/2024 00:24

I'm sorry, but don't use the name. Unless the girls are rarely going to see each other, it would be completely ridiculous for them to have the same name.

Zone2NorthLondon · 27/03/2024 00:25

No one has dibs on a name,however I get the sensitivity and why you’re annoyed. BUT since no one has dibs just use the name

PlantDoctor · 27/03/2024 00:25

I'm with you OP. If you've always said that's the name you'll use and she knew you are having a girl, then it was unkind of her to use it.

I also don't know of any cousins with the same name. If you regularly hang out with her and her kids it will be weird!

Is it possible for you to use a slightly altered version of the name? Like if it was Annette you might use Annie?

WearyAuldWumman · 27/03/2024 00:26

CatamaranViper · 26/03/2024 22:10

YANBU to feel how you feel. It was pretty childish of your sister to do that knowing you were going to name your baby after your nana.
Will you still do it? After all, no one owns a name so there is nothing stopping you calling your DD the same. Yes it'll be confusing and yes shell probably kick off about it, but hey! You did tell her!

Two of my cousins are named after our grandmother. It's never been a problem.

Kerryoh · 27/03/2024 00:26

I agree that you should use the name. I have the same name as my cousin and it's never been a problem.

mcmen05 · 27/03/2024 00:26

@JessMathews8 I know your annoyed and it is understandable
Have you another Nana you could call her after or your husbands Nana's name.
Or one of your own mums that would be your daughters Nana.
When My mother in law died I called my first child after her to keep part of her.

Kerryoh · 27/03/2024 00:28

Use the full, proper name for your daughter. If your sister thinks it's confusing, she can call her girl by a shorter/longer version.

Gowlett · 27/03/2024 00:30

I think your sister was really mean to do this to you.
Of course the name was yours. She knows that.

SmokedPaprikaPuffs · 27/03/2024 00:34

I'd use it as the middle name for your daughter now instead and pick a name you love to flow with it, so nana is still honoured and your daughter has her own name.

Treesinmygarden · 27/03/2024 00:36

My cousin used the same names as two of my siblings! It just meant that the surname had to be added to define who was who. My sister and I wondered what was wrong with our names when cousin's 3rd child got a different name lol!

moderate · 27/03/2024 00:38

Just use the name.

PilkosPumpPants · 27/03/2024 00:47

Just use the name you want 🤷‍♀️

unkownone · 27/03/2024 00:58

Just use the name. I told my family what our first would be called if a boy, so then SIL called their dog that name. Wasn't a dogy name. Knowing my SIL much better now i know why she did it lol how dare i have something she doesn't have.

JadeandGreen · 27/03/2024 01:09

If your sister had voiced she also wanted to use the name then it might not be so clear cut, but if she didn't, she's a b**ch! No, no one owns a name, but she's your sister, and she knew.

Give your baby the name.

PansyOatZebra · 27/03/2024 01:23

I’d just use the name, and if your sister gets angry just politely remind her that she always knew that baby was going to have this name.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 27/03/2024 01:29

Why don't you just use the name?

Topseyt123 · 27/03/2024 02:06

Just use the name. It really isn't a big deal so no need to make a huge fuss over it. Cousins can have the same name. Why on earth not?

Nobody owns a name.

Bournetilly · 27/03/2024 02:28

I would just use the name, she knew you were going to use it so if she’s not happy she can change her daughter’s name. My brother and cousin have the same name.

user1492757084 · 27/03/2024 02:32

It's a lovely name and after a special person.
If you both have different surnames just use the name too.
It will be fine. I know of three families where the first cousins have the same or exremely similar names.

Choose a second name that differs from your niece's name.
At least you love your niece's name. You willfind a nick name or way to distinguish the two girls when at family occasions.
Once at school the surnames will identify the girls and when they leave home and are older I bet they will love to share a name.
They will be close cousins in age, how lovely for you all.

I am curious to know the name though...

MariaVT65 · 27/03/2024 02:39

YABU.

She was just as entitled to name her kid after her own nana as you were. Putting dibs on a name is childish and has no relevance to anything else including issues TTC.

I personally wouldn’t name her the same but can you use it as a middle name?

MaryBeery · 27/03/2024 02:42

Adding to the chorus of "just use the name". It's not like it's a random name that one of you picked and the other has nicked, but it's one with family meaning so there's no reason you can't both use it. My extended family has Irish branches, and there are lots of cousins with the same name, so when clarification is needed it'll be "Owen's Mary" or "Bridget's Mary", so your family can just adapt like that.

Cookiecrumblepie · 27/03/2024 02:56

Use the name but distance yourself from your sister. What she did was unkind. I wouldn’t dream of being so callous and selfish towards my own sister. Silver lining- now you know your sister doesn’t give a shit about your feelings and when push comes to shove will do whatever she wants. Learn from this.