Sister stole my baby name

[JessMathews8]

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

I think if your heart is set on it then use it too. If I had been born a boy I would have had the same name as one of my cousins. One of my cousins and I have different names that are both a shortened form of our grandmother's name - could you do that if you really don't want to use the same name as your niece?

Is there a back story here ?
She sounds like a total cow.

Nobody has dibs on a name
However, given the context, length of time and the fact she agreed you could have it - it's a really dick move from her

I would just put on the group chat something like 'you have known forever that is the name we are using, cute they will have the same name but strange you are not using any of the names you said you were'

I could never hurt my sister like this - it's just twattery of the highest order

Another vote for use the name you want regardless.

After all what a wonderful tribute you your nan to have 2 DGs named after her, and a lovely bond for the girl cousins to share a name too xx

Surely having the same name as your SIL doesn’t come into it? You’re only related by marriage and presumably your parents’ weren’t known to each other.

But yes OP use the name if you want, I do have cousins with the same name but beware of prefixes used by family to distinguish them, no one wants to be ‘Big Daisy’ or ‘Baby Daisy’ or ‘Ginger Daisy’ etc as an adult.

She has a right to name her child whatever she wants and you have the right to do the same. Just use the name. First cousins can have the same name - it’s not a big deal.

Yanbu by being upset at your sister having lied to you and presented a fair accompli. She should have been honest, but instead has taken the cowards route of asking for forgiveness than permission (not that she needed permission and nor now forgiveness- but the sentiment is around the same in my eyes)

However, you now have two options. Hold the grudge. Keep the anger and let it spread to other family members who are delighting in the new baby "nanna" and so of course to avoid confrontation and discomfort themselves are going to tell you to let it go. This will breed resentment if you hold the grudge.

Option two is to actually let it go. Your sister deceived you but perhaps that was because she felt unable to stand her ground and try to explain to you that she too lived this name. She didn't want confrontation and conflict with you. She hoped you'd understand with the baby already here? Go ahead and name your daughter "nana" anyway. Don't let the fait accompli influence you. Present it right back if you are ever questioned "she's always been nana? Why on earth would I change her name? I always intended to name her nana and she'll always be nana. Dsis and niece have nothing to do with it." But I'd try to properly let it go and maintain strong familial bonds and a good relationship with extended family. They'll just end up known as the nanas in the family. It's a cemented family name across Different limbs within the family tree . That's actually lovely imo.

Of course you’re upset. I’d be the same if my sister did this to me. Cousins from a small family having the same name is strange. I wouldn’t be able to use the name. Maybe you can use a variation of it?

Just because a few people on mumsnet say it’s not a big deal does not mean you are unreasonable. I know plenty of people who have been upset and angry over the same issue.

She has a right to name her children whatever she wants as do you. It's highly unlikely this is a deliberate attack on you. More likely she just wants to honour her nana you.

I'd go with same name or a variation.

Such as Elizabeth- Lizzie

She has called her daughter after her nana .it isn't your name. You are being silly.

Honestly think it's very mean & manipulative of your sister. Of course no one has dibs on a name generally but this was long in the planning & she knew that. For all intents & purposes you'd already named your baby, you were already using that name.

Would your sister be the golden child by any chance?

I get why you are upset. But it’s not just ‘your’ name that you had chosen, it’s your gran’s name and therefore your sister’s gran’s name too! Presumably she loved your grandmother just as much as you did. And she has just as much right to the name as you. I think with a family name
nobody can ‘put dibs on it’ as everyone might want to use it. So if you also want to use it then go ahead!

I’ve got so many cousin Jimmy’s, just use the name.

YANBU

It's not even about the name, it's about her deliberately hurting you. Is she usually such a bitch?

if it was me, I'd still call my daughter 'Nana'.

what she did was horrible, but it's not unusual for cousins to have the same name.

I think it’s understandable that you’re upset. She knew you wanted the name and never mentioned once that she did too, she even said she had other names she wanted to use. I’d be annoyed too, but there’s nothing you can do now so you either have to choose a new name or name your daughter the same name as her cousin.
There’s lots of family members with the same names, I don’t think it’s a huge deal.

Just use the name

Or, if it really bothers you, could you add another name like 'Nana'-Rose?

Completely understand why this would upset you. Very mean thing for her to do. At the very least she could have spoken to you about it privately to give her reasons and a heads up.

Just use it if you really want to, it’s not your name and it’s not her name it’s your nana’s name! But I’m sure she isn’t/wasn't the only one with it so nobody owns it.

Use it anyway. There's repeated names in my family, though inevitably they end up being called 'Big/Little Mary' etc...I suspect no little girl wants to be called 'Big Bertha' but as yours will be the youngest it won't be her problem 😈

Def yabu 😕

Use the name! You’ll regret not calling your baby the name you love.

I think this has a lot more to do with your jealousy over her getting pregnant easy after not wanting more and you struggling. Just use the name. Nobody will care or bat a eye about two cousins being named after a grandparent.

Also realize that as they get older there is a good chance one or both will go by nicknames or shortened versions.

Are there ways in which you can change what you call her with the name / so Eleanor could be Ellie or Nell?

All the children in my family have the same names (anglo-celtic family) so I wouldnt bat an eyelid if I heard your daughters name was the same as great-great grandparents babys name (aswell as her cousins)

If anything them having the same name will simply raise questions & you can tell everybody she beat you to the finish line even though she knew you were expecting instead of just her having the name & your daughter something unrelated 😂