Sister stole my baby name

[JessMathews8]

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

This.

Make it absolutely crystal clear that both babies are going to have the same name and make a little joke out of possible nicknames for her baby so in group settings nobody's confused. Reiterate it's been your plan for four years and you're not giving that up just because of the new wonderful addition.

She's waiting for you to back down and kick off. Don't give it to her.

I totally agree with the suggestion above

Just name your daughter it anyway. You already said that is what you were calling your child, so it's no big deal that you stick with it. If anyone mentions it just give a big smile and say how much you both liked it and that you think it's so cute they are both called the same in honour of Nana. If you act completely unaffected by it it will soon be all forgotten and everyone will just know the girls as themselves.

Of course no one has any right to a name but it's still a shitty thing the sister has done.

I'd make it clear that you'll still be using the name. As another has said,I bet she will change the name/ make it a middle name.

It is definitely a bit annoying of her, and slightly unkind and devious given that she knew how important the name was to you.

HOWEVER, at the same time, no one can own a name, and it was her nana too.

I say just name your daughter the same name. Sod it. It's still your nana's name.

In my family, there are two first cousins both called Peter. I also have an aunt and cousin (who are nice and aunt, not mother and daughter) with the same first name, and an uncle and cousin (again, not father and son) with the same first name. I also knew a Spanish woman who had three daughters all called Maria, with different middle names. Oh, and my Gran's name is Josephine and her sister is Joanne, both shortened to Jo.

So there you go, plenty of precedent, you can still name your baby that name.

Love the suggestion above. Still use the name.

This is a good idea.

It works itself out. And its totally normal for multiple cousins to be named after a much loved grandparent.

If the cousins don’t live in the same house (I’m assuming they don’t) it will be a complete non issue to them.

I think the real issue is that you feel your sister has done this to hurt you. If so I think you should stop focusing on the name and try to improve your relationship with your sister.

Growing up I cared not a jot that I had the same name as my niece. It was still my name. When she was at our house my mum (her grandma) would call me ‘Julie’ and my niece ‘Our Julie’ because that was the tradition in an extended family where there were many reused names and the younger ones were always ‘our’ [name].

My grandmother’s name was Lucretia (I so wish I’d been named after her!). One of my cousins was referred to as ‘Our Lucretia’ by her Grandfather for the same reason.

To my own aunties I was ‘Mabel’s Julie’ and my niece was ‘Maureen’s Julie’. Something similar happened in nearly everyone’s family that I knew. It wasn’t a big deal and as a child I found that having a ‘family name’ just makes you feel more like you belong.

All names unchanged because there’s nobody left alive now to see it and care what I’ve just said.

Witchwitoutchips Brilliant!

It's not a gesture, it's not out of spite, and it won't affect the children in any way.

OP will just be continuing with her plan to name her daughter after her nana, like she has always wanted to. Plenty of posters in this thread have mentioned family members having the same first names. It's really not that uncommon and usually doesn't cause any problems.

In other words, you are telling the OP to act like a complete twat.

It's completely bizarre that one member of the family would believe that they have dibs, or a greater right, to a family name.

@JessMathews8 sorry im with OP she’s been an asshole and I am sorry
yes it’s different if they aren’t blood and don’t know your intentions or your story
if you tell someone a name they can use it
but she’s your sister and she should have known better
sorry OP

Can you use alternative name / nickname similar to still honour nana? Also keep it to yourself 🤞🏻

I had infertility for 10 years, had my DS name picked for 20 years... I didn't care who used it that was MY child name.

Turns out my cousin (who is mega fertile a popped out half a dozen kids while I was trying) 'beat me to it'... I still used it because no one owns a name.

Our wasn't even a family name either, I mean its her Nana as much as yours, you have equal rights to the name.

You can NOT control what she does with HER child... only what YOU do with YOURS which means she did nothing wrong putting herself and her child first in her parenting journey and you choices is to A) still use the name or B) throw a tantrum, cut your nose of to spite your face out of anger and pick something else (but thats not her fault).

I never once thought my cousin 'stole' anything, that would be narcissistic.

Children sharing names is MEGA common, in fact in some culture some names (like Mary/Marie or Mohammad) are shared by all the family members.

Use the name. When they are both little babies it might seem very close but when they are out in the world, at primary and high school etc, it will not matter a jot.

This is brilliant. Do this. Even if she doesn't change it, use the name.

Sister has been very unkind. Not even a heads up that she was using the name you always wanted!

I'd use it anyway. And honestly, I'd include something in the birth announcement messages along the lines of "many of you will know how many years I've hoped to make a daughter in honour of my beloved Nana, and I'm thrilled to finally be able to do so".

Given the context of this op, I would also be really upset by what your sister has chosen to do. Agree was fully aware if what the history this name has got you and it's connections to your miscarriages etc etc it's a 'tough shit I got there first' choice, which is not what you'd expect from a loving sister.

And you could use the name anyway, but it's tainted now.
I get it op.

Yes!
@WitchWithoutChips 👏🙌

@Meowandthen

Using the same name is hardy fair on the second child. A pointless gesture out of spite.

Of course it's not a 'pointless spiteful gesture.' What utter nonsense.

As I said, MANY extended families have always had multiple people in them with the same name. I would 100 million percent still name my child that name. If anyone is 'spiteful,' it's the sister who is using it, when she knew the OP wanted it.

Hilarious how you think calling the child the original name you wanted is 'spiteful' but mention nothing of the sister, and how selfish and 'spiteful' she has been. 🙄Calling her child the name she knows the OP wanted is breathtakingly attention-seeking and childish.

@JessMathews8 100% still use the name. Fuck what your sister thinks. She gave sod-all thought towards you, so why should you give a shit about her feelings and opinions?

She is not remotely selfish or childish... she named HER child the name SHE loved after HER grandmother.

OP even confirmed her mother said that her sister had also always loved the name.

OP has ZERO rights to the name over her sister.

@WitchWithoutChips · Today 11:19

If baby was born yesterday they won’t have registered the birth yet. Here’s what you do.... Don’t get upset. Visit her as planned with a big smile and a card in which you have written ‘how special that our girls will grow up as Hildas together’.

Make it absolutely clear that you are delighted to have inspired her and of course you are not going to change your plan of four years. Won’t it be special for the cousins to share a name? Etc etc. Lay it on as thick as you like. I guarantee Hilda will have been demoted to a middle name by the time they register the birth.

Good ideas there for you @JessMathews8 You can be nice and smiley and pleasant, but - as I said - make it very clear that you are NOT going to change your mind about the name.

@TonyHallintheTardis Today 12:44

Use the name. When they are both little babies it might seem very close but when they are out in the world, at primary and high school etc, it will not matter a jot.

THIS! ^

How silly. In my previous post I said it was a dick move.

Don't take it out on a child.

And the sister has ZERO rights over the name over the OP. The OP is 100% entitled to call her baby by the name! Fuck-all to do with the sister.

I'd still use it but possibly double-barrel it.

Did your Nana also have a nice middle name? Or a name that could be extended? Eg Jeanie from Jean? Daisy-May from Daisy etc?

Your sister has been more than a bit of a dick here but I'm afraid you have no leg to stand on.

At the end of the day though, neither does she! Neither of you own the name so name your kid exactly what you want to!

It's really not the end of the world and I am sure the child isn't going to be happy when she finds out what her mother (or aunt) did. Give the child her own name so she isn't Beryl2, young Beryl etc.