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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister stole my baby name

364 replies

JessMathews8 · 26/03/2024 22:07

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

OP posts:
Dontblameitonsunshine · 27/03/2024 09:17

Use the name anyway. It’ll be fine xxx

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 27/03/2024 09:24

Your feelings are valid but you can't change the situation. I think you should definitely still use the name you love and that you've been using already in relation to your bump. I would just do as she done, announce the baby's name at birth and she won't be able to do a thing about it if it bothers her.

martinisforeveryone · 27/03/2024 09:28

Of course I understand the truth of no one ‘owning’ a name, but it’s so crass when someone hoovers up the very name they know has already been chosen by someone close to them. It’s like the git who races into a parking space from the other direction while someone else has been waiting patiently with the indicator on.

Personally I’d go with my chosen name anyway so long as it fits well with the baby. As others have said, life’s long and cousins often don’t mix that much.

Andthereyougo · 27/03/2024 09:30

YANBU because she knew for years what you’d planned and there are literally thousands of names for her to choose from.
Look forward to the birth, ignore your petty sister.

Pippielk · 27/03/2024 09:32

Just use the name if you like it that much too.

I can understand that your sisters actions has hurt you but really you need to take a step back and be grateful for what you have -you are due a healthy baby girl after years of trying. And your sister having a little girl that will be similar in age so a ready made playmate. Keep up a good relationship with your sister if possible.
You’ll look back on this in years to come and realise you were making a mountain out of a molehill.

Dentistlakes · 27/03/2024 09:32

YANBU. I know others will disagree, but if you were my sister and I knew that you intended to use the name, there’s no way I would have used it, no matter how much I liked it. I just don’t understand why someone would do something like that. Knowing what the name meant to their sibling.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 27/03/2024 09:33

Look at it as a compliment, IE you lead, they follow as sis knew that was the name was for you baby that is due in a few months

There is no copyright on baby names.

PinkyFlamingo · 27/03/2024 09:34

I don't think yabu at all to be hurt, only you will know if there is any "one upmanship" or not in this by your sister. If you still love the name just go ahead and use it

toomuchfaff · 27/03/2024 09:36

Use the name... I've got Cousins with the same name (grandma's name) who were born to the brothers... Use the name. So what if there are 2 cousins with the same name. When she moans, tell her you had said you were using the name and you're using it, regardless if she is.

Ahugga · 27/03/2024 09:37

I don't think you can dibs a name before you're even pregnant. It's her Nana too.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 27/03/2024 09:37

I'd be annoyed and upset as well, if I could hand-on-heart say I'd made it clear for years that it was my main choice of girl's name. She may not have done the same, but as you say, she didn't know or plan to have more children at that point, so she can't really be blamed for not staking her claim to a name she didn't think she'd need. She's still entitled to love the name for the same reasons you do, but it's a bit of a thoughtless thing to do to your sister.

However, there is nothing you can do about it now. The absolute best way to respond to this is to go ahead and use the name anyway. If her argument is that you can't have sole ownership over a name, then she will have to accept that she can't either. She's taken the wind out of your sails so you go right ahead and so the same back to her, with not a second thought.

If she complains, just shrug and say 'well I did always make it very clear that I would use Nanna's name as soon as I had a girl, that was my plan when I was pregnant with my DS and it's still my plan now. You knew that. If it was going to bother you our DDs being called the same thing, then you should have made a different decision.'

I'll bet as you've both picked it, it's probably a name that's gaining popularity right now anyway (and the fact that it's your nanna's name as well is an added bonus) so chances are there will be plenty of them around over the next few years. I doubt it's so unusual that people will be shocked that there are two in the same family.

Lots of cultures use the same half a dozen names over and over again within the same family anyway, so it's really not that big a deal.

TomatoWrap · 27/03/2024 09:37

It's weird of your sister to do it, and you can be upset. But probably best not to make a big deal out of this when she's just given birth. It'll be remembered - and you'll be the one that looks unreasonable in the long run.

I'd say congrats you your sister, can't wait to meet her. And that you're really excited for the cousins to grow up together sharing the same name.
Make it very clear to your sister you are still using the name. If she doesn't like that then its not too late for her to change the baby's name.

ManchesterLu · 27/03/2024 09:39

Use it. I know it must be annoying for you, but I don't see why you should be allowed to name your baby after your nana, and your sister can't?

rainingsnoring · 27/03/2024 09:41

Very strange and unkind of your sister given the long history here. Does she usually behave like this?
Either way, use the name @JessMathews8, just as you have always planned to. All the best with your baby girl.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/03/2024 09:44

I'm usually the first to say no one owns a name, but it sounds like your sister did this deliberately to upset you.

It's up to you whether you want to still use the name or not. You're perfectly within your rights to still use it if you want to. If anyone comments, just say that everyone, including your sister, knew that this was what you were planning to name your baby girl, it was really important to you, and that you weren't going to change your baby's name just because yous sister decided at the last minute to use the same name she knew you had chosen.

No one owns a name, but the flip side of that is that your sister can't expect to have exclusivity over this name either.

Viviennemary · 27/03/2024 09:46

Go ahead and name your baby as planned. If folk don't like it then tough.

SpilltheTea · 27/03/2024 09:47

Use the name. There's no reason why you shouldn't.

tkwal · 27/03/2024 09:48

I'd always wanted a particular name if I had a daughter. (Before I even met my husband)His sister already had a little girl with that name. I gave my daughter the name anyway. Then she chose to use the other name she was also given. Its less of a (thing) when they get older (still think your sister was out of order, even if she'd been as close to your Nan as you were)

Fizzadora · 27/03/2024 09:50

I haven't read the full thread and the first page is full of responses saying don't be so precious, you don't own a name, but oh @JessMathews8 what a horrible thing for your sister to do. And your mother thinks you're the one being unreasonable?
I can guess the dynamic in your family while you were growing up.
i think you would be perfectly justified in throwing a hissy fit and telling them both to fuck off.
Anyway you have two choices. You can use the name anyway if you feel comfortable (I would and would spend the rest of my life explaining to people who asked, that my entitled sister knowingly stole the name I had decided on) or you can choose something else and perhaps have it as a middle name.
I am a very much live and let live person but would not forgive this. Your sister and your mother are showing you what they think of you.

FartSock5000 · 27/03/2024 09:54

@JessMathews8 your sister is a dick. She wanted the attention that comes from naming a child after a beloved relative and now she's getting it.

Your feelings are valid. She IS an arsehole and she knew what she was doing.

But at the same time no one owns a name and despite the meaning behind this one, she has every right to use it if she wants. It was her Nana too.

Either use the name or don't but process your feelings and move on. You know what she has done was probably another attention seeking on-up-manship move that she probably has form for pulling on you over the years.

Next time, limit the info you share with her. She has proven she can't be trusted and doesn't care about how you feel.

RedMark · 27/03/2024 09:56

Call your baby the name anyway. Is it a name you can have different nicknames? Maybe that could work. Otherwise, I'd use it anyway.

Whereinharrogate · 27/03/2024 09:57

I think your getting some unfair responses on here op. I know no one owns a name etc etc but it does seem pretty weird to me that she's done this - and that knowing all the background etc that she just stuck a photo in the family chat with thr name on it and didn't have thr balls to explain to you beforehand. Agree with pp though, just use the name if you want to. I think if you don't, you'll always think of your dds name as second best even if you choose something lovely. Focus on yourself and your baby not the wider family around you, as hard as that is

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 27/03/2024 09:57

Your sister didn't't steal anything, she just happened to get there first. There is no property in a name and no law against you using the same name for your child.

nimski · 27/03/2024 09:59

Just use the name (bet she changes it then when she realises you aren't budging!)

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 27/03/2024 10:00

Did your nana have a middle name you could use? Or use another version of it?

It does seem a bit strange that out of all the names out there, your nana's is the only one you wanted to use, to me, you can use your nana's as a middle name or use a variation of it as a first name.