Sister stole my baby name

[JessMathews8]

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

I'm in the 'no-one owns a name camp' sorry @JessMathews8 You really should not tell people what name you're going to use for your baby. Too late now of course. However, YANBU to be upset/miffed about it.

As a few others have said, just use the name anyway. I would.

There were 2-3 Davids, Pauls, and Roberts in my extended family. I had 2 cousins called David and 2 uncle Roberts! And there were 3 Pauls.

It's not against the law to call your child the same name as the one your sister has called hers. If she is annoyed (and she will be,) just stick to your guns, and say (firmly,) 'I TOLD you I was having this name for my baby. I have not changed my mind.'

If she whines and get miffed about it, then tough shit on her. So, there will be 2 cousins in the family both called Hannah/Emma/Charlotte'Lucy/Katie or whatever..... Big deal. As I said, multiple names have occurred in my extended family, and on reading some posts on this thread, it happens in a lot of families.

I am sorry for your TTC problems.

Good luck!

If you still used it she’d get a taste of her own medicine!

FGS. Did you trademark the name? No, then it cannot be stolen.

Bit of a dick move from your sister but it isn't stealing. Silly use of language

This is true ... No-one owns a name. However, this also means that the OP is entitled to use it still. Bet the sister will go off on one, but I would DEFINITELY use the name still if I were the OP! As I said, if the sister kicks off, the OP needs to say 'I TOLD you I was using that name. Nothing has changed.'

I’d flag up my intentions to use the same name now, in response to the picture, something along the lines of ‘oh how sweet, cousins with the same first name, yours can be Big Alice and mine will be Little Alice’.

See if she changes her mind. If she doesn’t, then still go ahead. She was very aware of your intentions, and didn’t pay any heed to them. Don’t let her actions stop you from using the name you have always wanted for a daughter.

Hardy fair on the second child. A pointless gesture out of spite.

What impact is it going to have on the second child, really?

If my sister pulled this kind of stunt on me I would be looking at reducing contact with her anyway.

Obviously nobody owns a name, but I do think that in this particular case your sister has been a bit of a twat, yes.

I actually agree with this, OP.

If your sister's baby was only born yesterday, the birth won't have been registered yet.

Just be matter of fact about it.

"Hi everyone, just to let you know that I am still planning to name my baby Alice. This has been my intention for over 6 years now, as you are all well aware. Whilst there is no reason why two first cousins can't share the same name, if DSis has a problem with this, there's still time to change DNiece's name."

It’s a bit rotten of her to do this to you, so if your AIBU is about being upset, no you aren’t.

You can still use the name though, in fact you should, there’s an excellent precedent, look at the names of the royal girl babies, there’s almost always an Elizabeth in there.

How lovely to have your Nana honoured twice.

I would reply to the announcement saying "Aww how lovely that our daughters will have the same name 🥰"

If she replied that you'll have to choose another name, I'd say not to be silly, she knew you'd already chosen that name and no one owns a name after all.

I know a few cousins with the same name and it's never caused any issues as far as I know.

This is why i love my culture. Names are never announced until the day of the baby's naming ceremony. I'm also of the 'no one owns a name' camp, and coincidences do happen. Hopefully, they'll have different middle names and surnames.

As for her ordering @op to choose another name, I'd have just laughed! who does she think she is? give her the name you always planned.

My husband has the same name as his cousin. They grew up very close friends.

Yes definitely send a text saying “how cute that we will have Big Alice and Little Alice”

nobody wants their daughter to be “Big Alice”

Hold your nerve, she’ll probably cave.

I have 2 nephews with the same name. My sister was a bit annoyed but got over it. It really isn't an issue now. They go to different schools, different friendship circles etc. I would use the name if you love it and it's your chosen name. :)

That's a good idea :)

Another good idea :)

Another vote for this 😁

Yes I’d do the latter. Try to keep it positive but just use it - in the circumstances.

Can we know the name OP and then we can brainstorm short versions. But if, say, it was Elizabeth, ( because it makes the point well!) they could both have the same name and you use Lily and Beth, or Lisa and Betty, Liz, Libby etc everyday. If so, choose your diminutive and announce it before your sister knows what you plan. Then at least you’ve had first dibs on that aspect.

What's the name?

Love this. 100%. No parent wants their child known as 'big' any name. I reckon she will have a change of heart when she realises you will absolutely still call your baby the same name.

Hope OP comes back to update us if she did use any of these suggestions and what happened!

Yeah I'd be pretty pissed if my sister done that! I was mad when my best friend named her daughter the name I was going to call my second child (ttc over 2 years now) you should still call your daughter after your nana

I agree. Use the name but don’t do it in an unnecessarily antagonistic fashion. I’d try to think of a diminutive for family use and when she starts school just enrol her with your Nans name and switch to using it in full then- when everyone is over the drama.

I think this was a really shitty thing for your sister to do and your mum ought to have told her, not try to make you feel in the wrong for being upset.

I'd still use the full name - sister won't like it because she thinks she's forced you to pick a different one, but I'd do it anyway and see a lot less of my sister going forward. You can't trust her - she listened to you and deliberately said nothing! Awful behaviour!

I'd be really pissed off too, OP. I know in theory nobody owns a name but if your sister knew you were planning on using the name it's really poor form on her part.