Sister stole my baby name

[JessMathews8]

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

Give her the name. They might end up with different nicknames. In adult life I see my cousins maybe once a year, so long term it may well be relevant.

Alternatively... Don't name children after others, give them a name that is their own and suits them.

I would use the name. My mum's sister was called after her grandmother plus four other cousins. Both first and second name.

I was the equivalent of Little Alice all through school as someone in my class had the same name. Then another married into our family and she was extremely short, albeit about 7 or 8 years older than me , so guess what I became! I can confirm no-one likes carrying the “Big” epithet- much as I didn’t mind the little.

I can understand your upset but no one has exclusive right to a name and when you think rationally there are lots of ways around this as outlined below:-

Did your Nana have a second name?
Maybe use that or give your child both her names but the other way round eg Jane Mary instead of Mary Jane?

Or give her your Nana's name but use the second name. That way she has a choice. (I choose to be known by my middle name. It has never been a problem.)

Or give her the original name but use a diminutive eg Sophie for Sophia or a variant eg Isabel/Isabella.

Or just give her the name you want. I have a DS and DSiL with the same name. I refer to them each as DD's V or Our V depending on context.

Just use the name. My name is the same as my nana's, and my first cousin who I hung out with for half of my childhood has the same name. It's not crazy, it's completely doable.

How nice for your Nana's memory to have two grand daughters named after her.

What a horrible thing to do to you when she knew your plans and how much it means to you.

How do you think she would feel if you went ahead and used it anyway?

Also bear in mind that not all babies look like the name you have chosen before their birth.

Don't let this spoil such a special time for you.

My mum and her sister called both my cousin and me the same name but spelt differently, Jackline and Jacqueline, no problems ever arose

Use the name anyway! x

It's not quite the same as sisters but out of four cousins with daughters three of us named our daughters after our grandmother. DG was thrilled that her great granddaughters shared her name.

Lol

If baby was born yesterday they won’t have registered the birth yet. Here’s what you do.

Don’t get upset. Visit her as planned with a big smile and a card in which you have written ‘how special that our girls will grow up as Hildas together’. Make it absolutely clear that you are delighted to have inspired her and of course you are not going to change your plan of four years. Won’t it be special for the cousins to share a name? Etc etc. Lay it on as thick as you like.

I guarantee Hilda will have been demoted to a middle name by the time they register the birth.

Ultimately this is a trust issue.

You trusted your sister with the knowledge of your (painful) journey to the realisation of the name. You were honest and open.

She has not been honest with you, and has talked about other names but then revealed the one you wanted at the last moment and indirectly and in a group situation (group chat).

Because of this you have been caught by surprise and you're struggling to process the emotions, understandably.

A name is just a name, but once trust is broken it is very hard to put back in place.

Just call her it anyway. If anyone ever asks, just explain the situation, she will come across as the strange one. But it is her Nana too, so you don't have more rights than her technically. The fact that she knew you wanted it and announced it rather than telling you first would have me feeling uncomfortable though.

She has been a bitch but I would use the name anyway.

I would just use the name anyway as you picked it first and were using it before she was born.
Lol what are they going to go change the birth certificate.

YABU. Just use the name anyway.

It was her Nana too though.

Just use the name if you like it that much.

I hope you weren't the one lumbered with Jackline

There are no ‘dibs’ on a name being used.

Several cultural traditions have baby naming conventions - often used as a guide by family historians - about the first boy being named after the father’s father, the first girl after the mother’s mother, the second boy after the mother’s father & so on. Obviously, you will then find multiple occurrences of same first names in the wider family group.

So go ahead, give your baby girl - Congratulations btw - the same name as your Nana & her cousin. Maybe spice things up with a fantastic flourish of a middle name that compliments Nana’s name.

If you hadn't said anything about the name & your sister had used it-what would you have done then?

Sadly saying that you like a name & intend to use it doesn't give exclusive rights!

Do you think that your sister has done it to be spiteful & try & prevent you from using the name?

Yes. Do this. If she genuinely wants the name too then she won’t be deterred and you’ll have a funny story about your girls’ names. If it’s a power play this will deal with it.

Use the name and then tell your sister to do one.

I like the Big Alice and Little Alice suggestion.

Tell her that and use the name anyway.

I see why you're upset for sure.

Still use it.

When she objects you tell her she's known for years you intended to use that name if you had a girl and that isn't changing just because she chose the same name.