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Original poster

is my new partner starting to get abit weird about money and assets

638 replies

smilingeleanor · 29/12/2023 19:27

Name changed as some of this might be abit outing. My DH passed away unexpectedly over 4 years ago and I have been seeing my partner for about 9 months. Wasn't looking and still not sure I'm that ready but we met at a work conference thing and it's been fun and easy ....ish until more recently

I have 5 children - 4 living at home, eldest DD24 lives with boyfriend, adult DD20 at university, DS19 working full time and then DS14 at secondary and DD9 in primary school. New partner has 2 sons also both 14 who live mainly with their mum - all amicable.

There's been a few things of late concerning me - Started when i was having new flooring laid and he asked how I could afford it on my salary (we both earn about the same - we do the same sort of role so everyone knows the salary bands). He's hinted before about my house early on and I kinda had to say well my husband died but he's been angling for more info since. Life insurance paid off the mortgage plus a payment & death in service. I've mostly invested this and use my salary for the bills - but no mortgage or debts means salary goes further

anyhow I just laughed the flooring question off - but over xmas we got in a convo about a summer holiday. I was inviting adult DD who wanted to go and he overheard me say it was my treat - he was already wanting to go and would be paying himself but he then said can his boys come - fine by me they are nice lads and seem to get on on with mine but he sort made a joke about me paying for them as a treat. I nipped that straight away and said he'd have to pay for them as i couldn't and he got a bit narky saying well my sons and daughter who both work could pay for themselves freeing up that money

he later apologised but tried to say i do t get it as obviously have no mortgage or debt

anyhow - we've had another set to today. Having a NYE get together- DD and her boyf coming and will use the guest bedroom (her old room) as they always do. He seemed to think his boys would be there and has told them this - they don't want to sleep on air bed in my son's room or in the living room apparently.

He also says i'm closed off and secretive about my financial situation and doesn't get why

Im just abit fed up now - i dont want drama and i will not get into conversations about what i have invested and where. Although he did admit to looking up the market value of my house!

OP posts:
CryptoFascist · 29/12/2023 19:39

Run!!
I wouldn't even be letting him know you're onto him, as he won't lose interest in his gold-digging, just hide it better until his feet are under the table.

GymBergerac · 29/12/2023 19:39

Oh lordy OP. After nine months, this one goes in the bin. He's got red all over him.... 🚩

Honeyglazed · 29/12/2023 19:40

what a vile man

don’t give him the time of day he’s just thinking of the money and trying to cause issues this early on makes him massive ick

Laguinda · 29/12/2023 19:40

I think your unease is well-founded and you’d be wise to act on it before this man who is waving numerous 🚩 🚩makes your life a misery.

Summerhillsquare · 29/12/2023 19:41

You're going to get a proposal at New Year OP 😳

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 19:41

Imagine actually saying to someone 9 months in, don’t pay for your own kids, pay for mine. And I’ve googled how much your house is worth. He’s nit even pretending like you see in romance scams, he’s actually asking and being up front.

AgnesX · 29/12/2023 19:41

Nine months in and he has an eye on the main chance aka your assets.

You need a speedy exit.

DeedlessIndeed · 29/12/2023 19:41

Hmm... I think each thing on it's own, although not great, isn't terrible. And to be honest I have looked up the prices of a lot of my neighbours houses on Rightmove.

BUT the fact that it is a pattern indicates either he is seeing you as a meal ticket, that he feels entitled to some of your money or resenting the inequality in wealth.

Long-story short, if it's not nipped in the bud I think it does fall into LTB territory.

AlltheFs · 29/12/2023 19:41

Oh my god. Please bin him off. This is no good, no good at all.

DemBonesDemBones · 29/12/2023 19:42

He's made my skin crawl just reading your post. Cut him loose!

MrsCharlieD · 29/12/2023 19:42

In the bin immediately. Good god there are so many red flags here. Do not get anymore involved, get rid and protect yourself and your family from any further emotional or financial trauma.

Wishimaywishimight · 29/12/2023 19:42

OP, good for you for having bounderies. He is clearly showing far too much interest in your money and starting to expect you to "treat" his kids.

His attitude would really turn me off. This will only get worse as he gets more comfortable with you.

I would be cooling things off and possibly ditching him altogether.

Vinrouge4 · 29/12/2023 19:43

Run, run as fast as you can. Too many red flags.

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 19:43

Hmm... I think each thing on it's own, although not great, isn't terrible

he asked her to pay for his kids holiday and when she refused told her to get her own kids to pay so she could give the money to his. On what planet is that not terrible/

Rockschooldropout · 29/12/2023 19:44

He’s a gold digger and he’s not even being subtle about it !

Tinkerbyebye · 29/12/2023 19:44

Sorry you need to dump him. He is angling for information he is not required to have, and obviously expects you to pay for stuff

WetTowelsWillRemainOnFloorWhereTheyHaveBeenLeft · 29/12/2023 19:44

I would get as far away from this man and his mercenary attitude, as possible.
I’d block him on everything. The horrible, cheeky bastard. I feel angry on your behalf.

I’m reading your thread straight after the FIL dying suddenly one (FIL girlfriend of a year in the house, all very awkward) and I would not trust this twunt ONE INCH with your Childrens inheritance.
Get him out of theirs and your lives now.

Your 24 yo DD having less right to her room or a holiday than HIS kids? Who are strangers to you? Fuck that.

MrsCharlieD · 29/12/2023 19:44

CryptoFascist · 29/12/2023 19:39

Run!!
I wouldn't even be letting him know you're onto him, as he won't lose interest in his gold-digging, just hide it better until his feet are under the table.

Yes this. He'll just hide it better. I think he has ulterior motives here.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 29/12/2023 19:45

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 19:36

Yes, because he’s trying to take over the house. Next he will be proposing and wanting his name on the deeds, and to have access to her funds, he just wants to know how much she’s worth before deciding if it’s worth it.

Show quote history

Even if you ignore the money part - he thinks his teenage children should be in the OP’s adult DDs old room over her and her partner.

So even if he wasn’t after her money he still thinks she should prioritise his children over her. That’s a Chuck him back in itself.

The money thing adds a “very quickly” to the Chuck him back part.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 29/12/2023 19:45

Wow he is a cf indeed....
Ltb op. Expect to be love bombed when you dump his greedy arse... He loves the idea of having his own atm. Not saying you aren't a lovely lady op but he is seeing £ signs first and foremost...

Dotcheck · 29/12/2023 19:45

Nah

echt · 29/12/2023 19:45

Hmm... I think each thing on it's own, although not great, isn't terrible

Wanting her to treat his children to a holiday at the expense of her own?
Making NYE arrangements about his kids sleeping over behind her back?
Quizzing her financial situation after her DH's death?

Sack him off, OP.

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 19:46

These poor kids lost their father four years ago, and this absolute c u next Tuesday suggested the money from the life insurance should be spent on his kids and not the op and her late husbands.

its one of the worst things I’ve read. It doesn’t get much more mercenary

BIossomtoes · 29/12/2023 19:46

Kick him to the kerb.

Rainbowqueeen · 29/12/2023 19:46

He thinks that his girlfriend of less than a year should pay for his children to go on holiday??? Wow. What a dick.

Dump. He will be the source of never ending drama in your life

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