I’ve started throwing out whatever DH leaves on the floor

[Lollibert]

I’m at my wits end I don’t know how else to get through to My DH he leaves dirty socks on the floor, his dirty clothes, his leaves dirty dishes on the table leaves empty packets of his snacks everywhere now in the beginning I didn’t mind my DH works and I keep the home, I cook and clean and that was fine until I became a mum, and found out very quickly that cooking and cleaning childless vs cooking and cleaning when u have a child are too very different things, this all I ask of him,
one: put your dirty dishes in the sink you don’t have to wash it just please put it in the sink and pour a little water over the top until I can get to it (as I hate when he leaves it out and the food on the plate drys and becomes hard to get off)

two: put your dirty laundry in the washing basket

three: put your empty packets in the bin

four: take off your shoes at the door (he tracks mud in)

is that seriously too hard of a thing? We’ve had arguments where he said he works all day and I know he does he has a very physically demanding job and we ended up having so many arguments about it that he said fine he will do what I ask to save the arguments, that’s great except he still doesn’t do it says he forgot, if I remind him before he gets the chance to forget he says I nag him, so I think I had a mental break down tonight and threw out the dishes he left out on the table threw out the clothes he left on the floor threw out his muddy shoes that he was kind enough to take off IN THE LIVING ROOM after getting a trail of mud on the living room carpet which left me cleaning up a trail of mud and I swore to him from now on this is how it’s going to be I will throw out whatever he leaves out and I really don’t want to but I’m serious I can’t be the one in the wrong for this am I living in an alternate universe I don’t know how to get through to this man and he is so good in every other way except this I just can’t understand it

A friend of mine had this problem (with a teenager, not a husband but still) and she put everything in a bin bag. Half drunk cups of tea, clothes, shoes, dirty plates with leftover food - all in the same bin bag. It stopped pronto.

I'm not suggesting you leave him, but I found this article shared by another Mumsnetter some time ago interesting.
https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/
I'm not totally aligned with the writers views, but interesting...

Sex strike.

When you say he ‘doesn’t understand’, what does that mean in this context? It seems pretty straightforward. Please talk us through it. E.g.

You: please don’t leave your dirty clothes and socks on the floor

Him: …?

If she keeps doing that he will leave. Well, I suppose that's one solution.

He's confused because he clearly sees it as your responsibility because he works, he has outright said it to you.

Get a big shortage box or bin and pile all his crap in it... Shoes, laundry, rubbish, dishes.

I understand your frustration but I don't think you should actually throw his stuff out

@gamerchick he was actually having a laugh 😂😂😂😂 lighting up Babe

Came on to post this link too.

Trash taking itself out.

He sounds like my DH. Lovely bloke, easy going but blind to the mess in the house!
A bit lazy, but I’m not going to leave him over it. I’m just going to carry on winning and watching him cook the roast 😀x

@LusaBatoosa i didn’t say he doesn’t understand I meant I don’t understand as in I don’t understand why he’s like this

this is the one thing I can’t get through to him on. And it’s also the one thing I refuse to accept.

You can't change other people. You have to either accept him, or leave him.

If you really don't want to leave, then you have to find a way to live with this. Every time you pick up a dirty sock or have to run the hoover round yet again, do it with a smile and think of all the lovely flowers and foot rubs and remind yourself that you are lucky to have him.

Seriously - there is no way you can change his behaviour, so stop trying. You are just making yourself miserable.

Either accept it, or don't accept it and leave.

Have you asked him why he’s behaving like this?

And - if you don’t mind sharing - I’d still really like to know what he’s saying when you ask him to pick up after himself.

@LusaBatoosa he says in a minute most of the time

Sorry hun, but you have to realise, he's just a spoiled man/boy!! He's probably been mummied his whole life. Put your expectations on the door/email/text!!
It's not his fault!
you have to gently guide/train him. You say he's not a bad yin
so train him now!! Like you are doing with your baby xx

Instead of using up energy telling him constantly, it would be easier to print off simple instructions in large font and stick them up. Then he can't complain about being nagged. "shoes off here". "Dirty dishes in sink" "clothes off floor" " rubbish in bin". You can also justify the signs because you have a child and wish for you, as parents, to model a few simple life rules. I've had to resort to that with my teenage son. I also attend an art class and they have simple instructions written around the room and as a result the room is much tidier.

I am not sure what your problem is. You are at home with a small child and your DH works. Put a waste paper basket in the living room (I know, child will be in it, put it up high) and give it him if he eats a snack (seriously,though, why is he snacking round the house?). Put a washing basket in your bedroom. Stick everything in it in the morning that needs washing. Don't get uptight about mud on the carpet, get a hand vacuum cleaner if it bothers you. Men tend to be untidy and not notice it. Women tend to be tidy and get upset about things being untidy. Your DC will not get ill from a bit of mud, nor from clothes left around the living room (my DH does this all the time, and doesn't shut drawers etc. he also annoys me by tidying up my books as he finds them untidy - I ignore this to the point of leaving books on tables). Relax. You cannot have a perfectly tidy house if you have children. Marriage is compromise.

What's the compromise there? That sounds like OP just giving in because DH is is a man and couldn't possibly notice mud on the floor. 🙄

I feel sadder for you than I do for the OP - at least the OP realises that this situation isn’t funny.

Are you living 60 years ago?

Oh, for heaven's sake. He is just untidy and leaves things around. It's not the end of the world. Leave his stuff where it lies. Get a dishwasher (then it doesn't matter if the plates crud a bit). Give up ironing if you haven't already. Make sure the house is cleanish, that the piece of furniture people notice is polished occasionally. It may only take 5 minutes to wipe fingermarks off a door but do you want to spend that five minutes on it rather than something more interesting like playing with your DC or doing something you really like?

@Didshejustsaythatoutloud i don’t think being mummied is the issue he was mostly raised by his dad and older brothers but they are actually tidy humans

So he was 'daddied' instead of mummied, and he is the baby of the family.
Youngest children are often not taught/trained as much as the older ones, and often the older ones do stuff for them all the time.

Whatever the reason, you can either make it your life's work to train him, or you can accept him, or you can leave him.
Those are your choices.

If you are going to attempt training him, do it with good humour or you will be miserable and sour the relationship.

It works because OH recognises we are different and always will be, not because he likes cleaning or isn't stressed by the mess.

I feel for OPs DH, the things he does are exactly things I do without even realising.
My OH chooses to ignore some of it and wait for me to notice, or just to deal with it.

OP you can get through to him because it's part of him and is completely sub conscious