I’ve started throwing out whatever DH leaves on the floor

[Lollibert]

I’m at my wits end I don’t know how else to get through to My DH he leaves dirty socks on the floor, his dirty clothes, his leaves dirty dishes on the table leaves empty packets of his snacks everywhere now in the beginning I didn’t mind my DH works and I keep the home, I cook and clean and that was fine until I became a mum, and found out very quickly that cooking and cleaning childless vs cooking and cleaning when u have a child are too very different things, this all I ask of him,
one: put your dirty dishes in the sink you don’t have to wash it just please put it in the sink and pour a little water over the top until I can get to it (as I hate when he leaves it out and the food on the plate drys and becomes hard to get off)

two: put your dirty laundry in the washing basket

three: put your empty packets in the bin

four: take off your shoes at the door (he tracks mud in)

is that seriously too hard of a thing? We’ve had arguments where he said he works all day and I know he does he has a very physically demanding job and we ended up having so many arguments about it that he said fine he will do what I ask to save the arguments, that’s great except he still doesn’t do it says he forgot, if I remind him before he gets the chance to forget he says I nag him, so I think I had a mental break down tonight and threw out the dishes he left out on the table threw out the clothes he left on the floor threw out his muddy shoes that he was kind enough to take off IN THE LIVING ROOM after getting a trail of mud on the living room carpet which left me cleaning up a trail of mud and I swore to him from now on this is how it’s going to be I will throw out whatever he leaves out and I really don’t want to but I’m serious I can’t be the one in the wrong for this am I living in an alternate universe I don’t know how to get through to this man and he is so good in every other way except this I just can’t understand it

@Lollibert yanbu. Been there and done it. It works. Still together 35 years on.

he might get the hint via ▶️ Watch this reel https://www.facebook.com/reel/1141018059827949?fs=e&s=TIeQ9V

Some people are tidier than others
Some are mindful, some are not

I am not. DH is far tidier than me. We both work FT. I make more mess, he tidies more (I do other stuff)

I would be very upset if he started throwing my stuff out or nagging me about not putting my plate IN the sink

Imagine wife decided she didn't need to pick up anything or move dirty clothes to the basket because she works.

Your scenario is not an exact opposite.

You mean -

“IABU? My husband and I are both exhausted by the strains of life however I insist on living like a pig because I know he will shoulder the unfair portion of the burden of our home. He begs and pleads with me to assist and stop treating her like an unpaid skivvy but I just simply don’t care. After a long time of this neglect of our home and relationship he had enough and in a desperate attempt to wake me up, and without any violence or nasty behaviour, grabbed the items I’d discarded & clearly don’t care about and put them in the bin.”

No. Not unreasonable.

So if he asked you to do things in order to make his part of cleaning them easier you'd just not bother? Because...?

Asking another adult to carry out tasks in the home to make the task you do easier is not nagging. Reminding them because they've failed to do the thing they said they would is not nagging.

He sounds like a teenager , think I would have lost my patience too , I would carry on or just chuck it in his car .

You'd be justified whatever path you take. He sounds exactly like my teenage DD who for one thing is a CHILD and also has ASD/ADHD. She might be better behaved actually. That's really pathetic of him. I feel sorry for you as my DD will eventually grow up and get her act together but there's not a lot of hope for a manchild.

If they're married it's joint property.

It’s nuts that you were doing it before to be quite honest.

walking mud into a house with carpet and the living room is actually filthy behaviour

stay strong

It's grim and disrespectful - stick it all under the duvet on his side of the bed, in his car boot, or in the bin.

Do you have a shed? I'd put everything in there and tell him I threw it. If he behaves, I'd make a surprise...if not, well have a great bonfire night.

I mean, not to sound like an insufferable MN show off or anything, but my 1 year old is well on his way to being trained up in all 4 of those areas... so no, I don't think it's a big ask of a grown man. I'm surprised he even wipes his own arse from that description of him.
His attitude towards you stinks to high heaven. You've accepted that he simply will not be doing his share, the very least he could do is not actively hinder you.
What a knob.
Do what you need to do.

I think @TomatoSandwiches' idea is genius, except I'd put it all on the driver's seat and make sure I had all of my car keys on me so using mine wouldn't be an option.
After all, out of sight, out of mind, right? - and he doesn't seem to see it so it won't bother him. 🤷🏻‍♀️
The other option is to put it all on the bed and sleep elsewhere.

Divorce then.

It's easier cleaning up after you and kids than it is a whole grown man who purposefully disrespects you and thinks your purpose is to walk round picking up after him.

I'd be tempted to dump it at his work.

Rather than focus on an ongoing argument about cleaning, surely you need to get a job and get childcare in place. Because honestly this doesn't sound like it will last

It's not a task he does...we don't have assigned tasks. He just prefers it tidy and so he tidies more than I do.
And I don't refused to do anything. My brain does not work in the same way as his. It is not something that I see or notice. It's not something I do consciously and cannot therefore change even with considerable effort.
Fortunately OH understands that not everyone is the same and we balance each other out in many ways.
We have lived quite happily this way for 25 years

Launch everything and he’ll soon learn!

I think the putting his rubbish in his car is the way to sort it.

Inconvenience him and give him more work, the way that he gives you more work.

Eventually it will become easier to take his boots off at the door, than to tread mud through the house, which you then hoover up and empty onto the driver seat of his car to clean up.

Put his dirty underpants that he leaves on the floor under the windscreen wipers of his car. If he has to get up an hour earlier to clean out all the shit from his car before starting his working day, so be it.

You've tried to talk to him about it and he doesn't listen, so make him understand by giving him the work that he gives to you right back.

There’s a difference between being a bit untidy and being a disrespectful dirty pig like OP’s OH.

Don't wash his clothes. Don't cook for him.

@TimeForTeaAndG exactly. Furthermore, if your partner asks you to do something small and untaxing because it would make them happy, and you don't do it, you are effectively saying you don't care about their happiness...

OMG!!!!!! This is my house I’m in the same position I just read this out to my DH

his reply

‘ well there should be a threat for us men about this try leaving the washing basket in the same place every day we work every day and don’t want to come home to be doing duties that’s your job we provide and cleaning is ur duty ‘

😂😂😂😂

Not sure why you had to include the fact that he’s autistic tbh. Many autistic children love order and structure and thrive in areas like this .

Apart from they really don’t, and letting kids wander round a filthy and cluttered home to teach an adult a non existent lesson isn’t fair on them?