I’ve started throwing out whatever DH leaves on the floor

[Lollibert]

I’m at my wits end I don’t know how else to get through to My DH he leaves dirty socks on the floor, his dirty clothes, his leaves dirty dishes on the table leaves empty packets of his snacks everywhere now in the beginning I didn’t mind my DH works and I keep the home, I cook and clean and that was fine until I became a mum, and found out very quickly that cooking and cleaning childless vs cooking and cleaning when u have a child are too very different things, this all I ask of him,
one: put your dirty dishes in the sink you don’t have to wash it just please put it in the sink and pour a little water over the top until I can get to it (as I hate when he leaves it out and the food on the plate drys and becomes hard to get off)

two: put your dirty laundry in the washing basket

three: put your empty packets in the bin

four: take off your shoes at the door (he tracks mud in)

is that seriously too hard of a thing? We’ve had arguments where he said he works all day and I know he does he has a very physically demanding job and we ended up having so many arguments about it that he said fine he will do what I ask to save the arguments, that’s great except he still doesn’t do it says he forgot, if I remind him before he gets the chance to forget he says I nag him, so I think I had a mental break down tonight and threw out the dishes he left out on the table threw out the clothes he left on the floor threw out his muddy shoes that he was kind enough to take off IN THE LIVING ROOM after getting a trail of mud on the living room carpet which left me cleaning up a trail of mud and I swore to him from now on this is how it’s going to be I will throw out whatever he leaves out and I really don’t want to but I’m serious I can’t be the one in the wrong for this am I living in an alternate universe I don’t know how to get through to this man and he is so good in every other way except this I just can’t understand it

@Lovelyjubbbly omg this is disgusting…. What about when both parents work a lot and look after kids and the home 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ no excuse then for chauvinistic twats

He is acting like a child fucking selfish moron .
Your basic rules are not unreasonable for even a 5 year old.

1. Remove shoes at door.
2. Clothes into laundry basket.
3. Dishes into sink.
4. Put crap in bin.

He's taking the piss. Put all his floordrobe items into bin bags and put in garage or shed including the bits of wrapper and crap. When he runs out of clothes say you're happy to do any laundry which finds itself in the basket. Otherwise it's self service. I would do the plates though. It's a 10 second job to wash up

Look at traits of ADHD and see if this resonates with him.

Not making excuses, it’s truly grim and disrespectful, however taking you at your word on the post I have quoted, if he really doesn’t see it and doesn’t get it, ADHD possibly springs to mind.

You need to get help for that. You can't be carrying your baby around everywhere, it's not good for the baby or you.

I think your being a bit much, your going to be very miserable if your spending your life getting so stressed over all of this. Picking his stuff up and putting it in the bin is surely the same as putting it where it’s supposed to be. I don’t even think twice about it I clean up after everyone. Although are you saying he doesn’t even bother when he’s off work because that’s unfair, I think fair enough when he’s only there for a couple of hours at night but if there all weekend being a lazy lump of lard then your not being unreasonable to be annoyed but I wouldn’t be binning stuff that will only just have to be replaced which costs your family money.

He’s not ‘terrible’. He’s an adult man with eyes. Unless he’s blind, he knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s disrespect. He doesn’t value it or bother to tidy up after himself because he knows damn well you’ll do it. And you do. You might moan but he gives no fucks that he’s making your life harder or that it’s upsetting you, because he sees that as your function. You clean up his shit.

That would drive me insane enough to chuck everything in the bin. Daily. You might run out of crockery pretty quickly though.

I'm also quite passive aggressive - not a good trait I’ll grant you but DH hates any sort of conflict so just putting all his mess (stuff left about randomly “to remind him” to do something” I just move to one location and pile it up there.

Dirty clothing and boots. Change on the way into the house. Helps if you have space to double lock the front door and direct everyone through a back door or utility room. But you have to be hyper vigilant and hand over a broom and a mop every time it’s ignored. My kids hate cleaning floors so the message is getting through.

ultimately though it’s just massively disrespectful. Whether you are prepared to tolerate this is up to you.

Wow! He sounds lazy and disrespecful. Theres no reason at all why he cant move his plates AND wash them!! Working all day doesnt mean you dont have to do anything in the house he lives in!!

Like you said, he's used to you running around after him, doing the cooking and cleaning. He's probably thinking 'Where's my missus gone and why's she being so grumpy? God, women. Make us a cuppa, love, it's been a long day!'. You've changed. You've become a mum and your priorities are completely different. He hasn't changed at all, in his head he still goes out to work while you're still at home playing happy families with his little'un! Don't argue, please. Sit down and explain to him what's going on that's making you unhappy. Men are stupid, they put down any emotional showdown to it being 'That time of the month, ignore it and it'll go away in a couple of days, what's on TV?' Tell him. Show him. Just do it in a non-argumentative way, my husband was very similar to yours and it did get through to him. Good luck xx

I have one of these humans in my life. I’ve posted about him before. It’s a fucking nightmare. Worse still my eldest DD now emulates his every move. I’ve literally tried everything including telling him to leave. He hasn’t left. I can see him trying sometimes and he’ll have a go a kids for leaving stuff lying around supposedly in support of me, and yet still he does it himself. I’ve done everything suggested on here… it doesn’t work. If I stop picking up his stuff, I end up tripping over his stuff, or he loses his stuff and then I’m asked to help him find it. At least once a month I lose it at him and beg him to change. He thinks I’m mad. I know I’m not. Like you, if I say something im
nagging, if I don’t say something I’m left picking up his shit. I’ve decided he has ADHD and told him he needs to get a diagnosis and get some help (there are other symptoms, not sure this). It’s been 15 years and it’s hell and I’m so ashamed that I’ve endured it for so long and wish I’d been more like you when it first started to be an issue. Keep doing what you are doing. It is not acceptable behaviour and what you are doing is perfectly legitimate.