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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Love, darling, sweetheart etc.

335 replies

monsteraa · 12/12/2023 04:44

I hear these words regularly from men, day in, day out - bus drivers, tradesmen, shopkeepers, etc.

I don't like it when men I don't know call me these things, I find it patronising.

Sometimes I want to say 'I'm not your sweetheart' (but of course I don't, I'm too polite).

AIBU?

OP posts:
ClangingDin · 12/12/2023 08:08

Calling your children pet names is a different thing entirely!

Fairymother · 12/12/2023 08:13

CharlotteRumpling · 12/12/2023 04:46

Isn't this just a British thing? I hear it from women too. Personally, I like it. Brings a bit of warmth into the day.

Its an australian thing too. I lived it when living there. Always heard it from men and women. So friendly.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/12/2023 08:16

I know what you mean a bit op. Some men can call me darling or whatever and I find it warm and friendly. Some say it and it Enrages me.

in general, in casual conversations, I like it. It’s friendly.

I miss the West Midlands where I get called bab. I live in the south east and in general these terms are rarer here I’d say.

ChateauDuMont · 12/12/2023 08:17

I find it's more women than men nowadays who use these kinds of words.

listsandbudgets · 12/12/2023 08:18

I like it. i'd hate for these terms to die out. around here you ften get called duck or bab and many years ago o had a boyfriend who called everyone "chick"

these terms are used by both men and woman in my experience

listsandbudgets · 12/12/2023 08:19

bellac11 · 12/12/2023 07:43

I hear it from women more than men to be honest

Up in the north Ive heard 'flower', like that one

I like it.

Would you prefer 'bro' OP?

because sadly men feel like they can't use it in case people react like the OP

presentadvice · 12/12/2023 08:20

RosesAndHellebores · 12/12/2023 07:39

I don't mind it in the slightest coming from tradesmen, in shops, etc, although it doesn't happen much.

I mind it a great deal coming from nurses, and hospital/GP admin. They don't call the Dr luvvie or darlin, so they shouldn't use those terms with the patient. It's reductive.

As pp said. It’s a way of sounding familiar and friendly without having to remember names.

They know the Drs name.

janfebmarchapril · 12/12/2023 08:22

I worked with a man from UAE who was in the UK doing his masters in dentistry, he would call everyone sweetheart because he'd heard people say it loads. We had to tell him to stop when he was calling a 70 year old man sweetie and darling. Bless him. this was 10+ years ago now

ginoohginoginelli · 12/12/2023 08:24

RosesAndHellebores · 12/12/2023 07:39

I don't mind it in the slightest coming from tradesmen, in shops, etc, although it doesn't happen much.

I mind it a great deal coming from nurses, and hospital/GP admin. They don't call the Dr luvvie or darlin, so they shouldn't use those terms with the patient. It's reductive.

They absolutely may be calling the doctors "love". I've certainly heard it over the years I've worked in healthcare.
I call people love all the time. I'm from the north west originally and to me, it's part of my natural dialect. Just like I hear my local marker traders say "sweetheart" (or geezer!)

presentadvice · 12/12/2023 08:25

SALWARP2023 · 12/12/2023 08:05

I work in a care home and we have just been banned from using terms of endearment following one complaint from an estranged family member. So sad. Difficult too as it tends to roll off the tongue. Maybe we should stop saying please and thank you too.

That’s really sad. This trend to capitulating to every single person who goes off on one on their personal hobby horse, is not a good trend.

JoanMacIntosh · 12/12/2023 08:30

I like it, it’s never bothered me. I particularly love “babe”, “love”, “sweetheart” and “duck”.

If someone was being patronising or rude about it you respond accordingly, but generally it’s good natured and well intentioned so I let people get on with it.

presentadvice · 12/12/2023 08:30

Chickenkeev · 12/12/2023 06:31

That's the way to suffer bs indefinitely. People have to be made aware when they're crossing lines, albeit inadvertantly.

Show quote history

How about it’s you who adapts instead? By recognizing that different people come from different cultural backgrounds and have a different understanding of what is a friendly way to address people, and just accept that cultural difference without being a dick about it.

ThePensivePig · 12/12/2023 08:37

I think it's nice to be called love, duck etc. I'm in Yorkshire and it's very common here. Men sometimes call one another love too.

WorkIsGettingtoMe · 12/12/2023 08:38

Duck, Queenie, Duchess, love, pet, dear, sweetheart, chick, babe……heard them all, and use some of them myself, but usually by men.

I don’t mind it. It is a bit patronising, a bit old fashioned, but so what. It’s nice.

Sone people have no sense of humour and take themselves too seriously. No wonder we are all miserable.

Jellyx · 12/12/2023 08:38

I hear it more from women than men.

Why do you find it patronising coming from men? It's an affectionate, kind thing to say. You don't want men to be kind? I don't get it.

WorkIsGettingtoMe · 12/12/2023 08:41

That's the way to suffer bs indefinitely. People have to be made aware when they're crossing lines, albeit inadvertantly.

If you don’t like it, tell them YOU don’t want to be called it.

Don’t speak for the rest of us. Don’t dampen a small highlight in our day, receiving a bit of pleasantness, just because you are offended by it.

festivefoodlover2023 · 12/12/2023 08:49

I like it - all the times it has been said to me it has been a kind way... no harm intended at all and I think the person speaking it would be mortified/hurt if I was rude or abrupt about it. People who use it see it as a term of endearment (I think!). Both men and women use it so I don't think anyone is being sexist - a bit like in Northern areas they say 'pet'.

rainbowstardrops · 12/12/2023 08:49

I couldn't get worked up about it to be honest.

WeeMary · 12/12/2023 08:54

You must be pleased with yourself having managed to squeeze "reductive" into a sentence. I genuinely feel sorry that you've not received enough affection growing up.

Thistooshallpsss · 12/12/2023 08:56

When we moved to Devon I started being called my lovely which was jsooo nice

StopStartStop · 12/12/2023 08:59

The worst are very young women, thinking they can use the term 'love' or 'hun' to older women. Disrespectful, usually intentionally so.

I call my child 'Bean'. She's family. That's a term of affection.

CurlewKate · 12/12/2023 09:01

I haven't read the thread, but I am betting someone has said that in Yorkshire men routinely call each other "love".

They don't. It's possible some might have in 1935-but I really don't recommend doing it in Bradford city centre in 2023!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/12/2023 09:04

I think it depends on tone and circumstances.

"Alright my sweetheart, give us a smile then" from a low-slung jean wearing workman hanging off the scaffolding and leering is very different to "you dropped this... Oh thanks sweetheart" from an elderly man .

I realise I say that you "thank you, sweet" toy sons TA a lot, or "thank you darling". I'm just about old enough to be her Mom, hers is a few years older than me, and she's been with DS since he was reception, now year 4. She knows she is very loved and appreciated, that I respect her judgment when she has to make a call, that we don't want her to move classes as the kids adore her, we chat mostly on a professional level but also can have a laugh and a natter. I'd like to think, and indeed do, that she takes it as affectionate rather than condescending or patronising.

W0tnow · 12/12/2023 09:05

For me, it totally depends on the tone in which it is delivered.

x2boys · 12/12/2023 09:07

Meh mumsnetters are always looking to be offended I'm in the Northwest I often get thanks love ,cheers love etc from.men and women alike in shops on the bus etc.