Love, darling, sweetheart etc.

[monsteraa]

I hear these words regularly from men, day in, day out - bus drivers, tradesmen, shopkeepers, etc.

I don't like it when men I don't know call me these things, I find it patronising.

Sometimes I want to say 'I'm not your sweetheart' (but of course I don't, I'm too polite).

AIBU?

Love, darling , sweetheart is what I have been brought up on. I find that nice. The one I hate with a vengeance is dear. Now that can be said in a patronisingly manner.

I like it when it’s said with genuine warmth by a friendly person.

It really grates when its insincere or patronising though.

merrymerrychristmasall · Today 09:56

Jeffsmeffsmiff · Today 09:50

In London "here y'are darlin" or "fanks darlin" all the time. Or "all right mate?"
I like it 😁
Oh yes! That’s what I hear. I couldn’t even think of it.

I am always awkward when someone says “all right mate?” as I actually say “yes, fine thank you”. Which apparently is a hilarious reply because they are only saying hello not actually asking how I am. Fucks sake.

They are sort of asking. The correct answer is "Yeah. Alright?" 😂

Years ago, an older woman at work addressed everyone as ‘Friendly’
which really grated, I’ve never been addressed as Friendly since.

Cornish colleagues address my young teenage daughter as ‘Maid’
in Nottingham, ‘Meducks’
My neighbour from the IoW call little boys ‘my loverrrr’

‘luv’ is so widespread I don’t even hear it anymore, ‘darlin’ is a little
spivvy, ‘sweetheart’ just inappropriate for an adult stranger I feel

An older friend of a friend, when I was mid twenties, called me ‘Dear’
which really was patronising, like a putdown
My Gran called us all Pet, save her remembering our names.

Doesn’t this depend on context? for instance I would not allow anyone
working in my house to address me as luv or anything other than Mrs …
but the bus driver, shop assistant say, it doesn’t matter as its generic

I much prefer the French form of salutation, Madame

I don't. I think its quite sweet. Women use these with each other too. I call men who serve me 'mate', I guess they could object to that?!

I have gone from 'mi duck' (Northampton) to 'Babb' (Birmingham). Always makes me smile.

Ha! I use darlin. Never thought of myself as spivvy 😂

Absolutely no problem with it.

I'm not keen on being called ' mate' or ' bro'. I'm a bloody middle aged woman, not a 14 year old lad! However I tolerate it from the young people that say it to me.

People have to be made aware when they're crossing lines, albeit inadvertantly
What line is this then? 🤣

To me, context is everything. When used as a pleasantly or filler eg. 'Hi, love, how are you' or ' there's your change, sweetheart, you have a good day!' It's nice. When used to patronise or as a put down ,well that's different and can be challenged.

I quite like it.

I had to live for a short while in Manchester recently - the local people there were absolutely lovely and I was often called 'cock' as in 'y' alright, cock?' I found it lovely and friendly!

I couldn't get upset about this. There are worse things in life you could be called.

There is far too much headspace being taken up by this. It's just a term used by people for years, nay, centuries.
Sweetheart, luvvie, chick, chuck whatever. Nobody is asking you to marry them 🤣
The only thing I find objectionable, as a middle aged woman, is being called "love " by teenage girls 😡

Well thank you for this, memory, I had forgotten these, Queen, (he treats me like a Queeeeen!) and hey, Gurrl.

Now digging out my Lern yerself Scouse little book of wisdoms ha ha, favourite salutation, on attracting the attention of the waiter, being “Ey, you wid de ‘ead!”
perhaps this might catch on do you think?
I might attempt this in our local Waitrose later. Beats ‘mate’ hands down.

I don't mind the examples you've listed (I actually love it when I get called 'darling') but one thing I really hate is when people call me 'mate'.

Listen 'ere, I am not your mate.

Ha ha Jeff, context is everything ! always exceptions!

That reminded me that Bet Lynch in Coronation Street used the customers 'cock' in the Rovers!

Everyone working in my house has always called me by my Christian name. They are doing a job I can't or don't want to do, they aren't socially inferior to me.
I think some people on here are very worried about their social position and don't like people treating them as equals.

Used to CALL the customers cock 😧

So. Can I offer a couple of scenarios?

Do you think it's fine for care workers to use terms of endearment rather than names for older people in their care?

Do you think it's fine for male managers to use terms of endearment for women staff? (You can bet your life they wouldn't use them for male staff!)

It’s a way of addressing a stranger (or someone whose name you have forgotten) in a friendly and non-threatening way. E.g. If I approach a woman (I’m a woman) in a public place, to discreetly let her know that her skirt is tucked into her knickers - “excuse me, my love” means “I’m a friend that needs to tell you something”. On the several occasions I’ve done this, the women have been incredibly grateful that I’ve let them know!

No, it's a patronising thing.

The only thing I find objectionable, as a middle aged woman, is being called "love " by teenage girls 😡

That’s exactly why I take issue with it. Almost everyone’s younger than me!

Agreed.

This

Better than 'bro'!

Duck, duckie is said a lot where I'm from.
'Ayup me Duck' or 'alright ma duckie'

Nottingham way.

In your opinion. Judging by this thread it certainly isn’t the majority one either. It’s fine if you don’t like it but you don’t get to dictate to other people that they shouldn’t like it or want to be called it. People can only speak for themselves not others .