Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Love, darling, sweetheart etc.

335 replies

monsteraa · 12/12/2023 04:44

I hear these words regularly from men, day in, day out - bus drivers, tradesmen, shopkeepers, etc.

I don't like it when men I don't know call me these things, I find it patronising.

Sometimes I want to say 'I'm not your sweetheart' (but of course I don't, I'm too polite).

AIBU?

OP posts:
alwayslearning789 · 14/12/2023 15:36

A woman on a television show this morning said she hated it and said the reason why is: " I'm not your Sweetheart, I'm your Customer!'

The Panel's face (and mine) was a picture 🙂

@Fieldofbrokenpromises that's really funny about the dog 😁

ChernarusFinest · 14/12/2023 16:07

How dare you assume what I have and haven't been called by men on a daily basis....yawn

Sorry if my views trigger you, sweetheart.

WorldCuppa · 14/12/2023 16:20

Op you have too much time on your hands.

CurlewKate · 14/12/2023 16:35

@ChernarusFinest "How dare you assume what I have and haven't been called by men on a daily basis....yawn

Sorry if my views trigger you, sweetheart."

That escalated quickly!🤣🤣

MRSMTO · 14/12/2023 18:15

CurlewKate · 14/12/2023 14:15

@ChernarusFinest I've spent a significant amount of time in Yorkshire over the past 35 years. If you tell me where I can hear men routinely calling each other "love", I'll go and visit.

I can DM you and give you my postcode if you'd like?! Small, South Yorkshire, ex-mining Town. Men call each other love all the time! Lived here 40 years, since birth.

purplesparklydinosaur · 14/12/2023 18:31

To weigh in on HCPs calling patients by pet names …I absolutely do call doctors ‘lovely’. There are too many of them and they don’t often wear name badges. I almost always remember my patients names, but when someone is distressed and I’m caring for them the pet names appear.

To me, it’s a just thing that often comes out when my empathy button is pressed.

BIossomtoes · 14/12/2023 18:51

MRSMTO · 14/12/2023 18:15

I can DM you and give you my postcode if you'd like?! Small, South Yorkshire, ex-mining Town. Men call each other love all the time! Lived here 40 years, since birth.

Show quote history

Bet it’s Barnsley.

MRSMTO · 14/12/2023 21:34

@BIossomtoes Got it one!

EtiennePalmiere · 14/12/2023 21:57

limefrog · 14/12/2023 15:07

@ChernarusFinest Oh good, a man has come along to give us his opinion on a feminist issue.

Embrace it. There are far worse things to be called and far, far worse things going on that deserve your ire.

You are a man giving advice to women who feel patronised and diminished by men. Have some self awareness. You don't know what it feels like to be called 'sweetheart' on a daily basis by men.

Edited

Exactly this

BIossomtoes · 14/12/2023 22:00

MRSMTO · 14/12/2023 21:34

@BIossomtoes Got it one!

😂

Fionaville · 14/12/2023 22:14

Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Many of the men in my life call women they dont know 'love' My darling grandfather did. He was such a feminist. He taught all of his daughters to drive in the 50's when it wasnt so much a done thing, he told them all and his granddaughters that we could do anything, we didn't have to marry and we should get out there and be our own bosses. I can still remember hearing him saying "Thank you love" to women and thinking what a lovely, friendly man he was. He didn't have a misogynistic bone in his body.
I don't want to police people using terms of endearment. We aren't robots. There is no offence meant, these arent insults. We speak how we speak.

buffyajp · 14/12/2023 22:39

limefrog · 14/12/2023 15:07

@ChernarusFinest Oh good, a man has come along to give us his opinion on a feminist issue.

Embrace it. There are far worse things to be called and far, far worse things going on that deserve your ire.

You are a man giving advice to women who feel patronised and diminished by men. Have some self awareness. You don't know what it feels like to be called 'sweetheart' on a daily basis by men.

Edited

How dare you tell someone they can’t have an opinion on a subject just because they are male. For a start many of other women such as myself don’t regard it as a feminist issue so please don’t try and speak for all of us thanks. Misandry is just as unattractive as misogyny which is exactly what you are guilty of by telling a man that he shouldn’t be giving his views on this subject. If you personally don’t like being called sweetheart then just tell people you don’t wish to be called it but don’t expect them to stop calling others it.

Original poster
monsteraa · 15/12/2023 07:19

buffyajp · 14/12/2023 22:39

How dare you tell someone they can’t have an opinion on a subject just because they are male. For a start many of other women such as myself don’t regard it as a feminist issue so please don’t try and speak for all of us thanks. Misandry is just as unattractive as misogyny which is exactly what you are guilty of by telling a man that he shouldn’t be giving his views on this subject. If you personally don’t like being called sweetheart then just tell people you don’t wish to be called it but don’t expect them to stop calling others it.

Show quote history

A man has come onto a thread and told a woman feeling patronised by men that she should 'embrace it' and basically get over it.

This is no different to any other person lacking lived experience telling someone with a protected characteristic (e.g. race, disability, etc.) that they need to 'embrace it' when they speak out about their experience.

I told him he should have some self awareness and I stand by that. He does not have the experience of being a woman in this situation.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 15/12/2023 09:25

@buffyajp "How dare you tell someone they can’t have an opinion on a subject just because they are male."

Of course he can have an opinion. What he can't do is tell women that his opinion is the right opinion, and women should set aside their opinions and embrace his opinion with glad cries of joy.

ChernarusFinest · 15/12/2023 11:32

I never said my opinion was the right opinion. I said "embrace it", because anybody referring to a woman (or a man....sigh) with one of these names, and particularly if it's a regional thing, are most likely doing it because we are being friendly. And please believe me when I tell you that if someone from Yorkshire isn't being friendly to you, you'll certainly know the difference...

I also explained that it's not a gender issue in Yorkshire, yet somehow this has still turned into a gender issue to some!

The ability of some people to find offence in every little thing never fails to amaze me. Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous new year to you all, my loves ;)

StarlightLady · 15/12/2023 12:05

It’s not just a man thing. A woman in a local shop, always calls me darling.

CurlewKate · 15/12/2023 12:10

@ChernarusFinest Mansplaining the mansplain! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

bakewellbride · 15/12/2023 12:15

I HATE this so much. I get it too and hate it. I'm not 'love' I'm a stranger to you you stupid man!

Got told recently in the post office by staff that I 'have all the beauty of my youth' and it made me uncomfortable.

Circularargument · 15/12/2023 12:22

bakewellbride · 15/12/2023 12:15

I HATE this so much. I get it too and hate it. I'm not 'love' I'm a stranger to you you stupid man!

Got told recently in the post office by staff that I 'have all the beauty of my youth' and it made me uncomfortable.

WTAF? How rude of them

Circularargument · 15/12/2023 12:23

ChernarusFinest · 15/12/2023 11:32

I never said my opinion was the right opinion. I said "embrace it", because anybody referring to a woman (or a man....sigh) with one of these names, and particularly if it's a regional thing, are most likely doing it because we are being friendly. And please believe me when I tell you that if someone from Yorkshire isn't being friendly to you, you'll certainly know the difference...

I also explained that it's not a gender issue in Yorkshire, yet somehow this has still turned into a gender issue to some!

The ability of some people to find offence in every little thing never fails to amaze me. Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous new year to you all, my loves ;)

ODFO...dear.

StarlightLady · 15/12/2023 12:25

bakewellbride · 15/12/2023 12:15

I HATE this so much. I get it too and hate it. I'm not 'love' I'm a stranger to you you stupid man!

Got told recently in the post office by staff that I 'have all the beauty of my youth' and it made me uncomfortable.

I think there is a huge difference between the casual use of “love” or “darling” when there is no intention to talk down or offend, than your post office experience.

LinguisticallyCunning · 15/12/2023 17:42

It just seems to me like people are looking for any reason to find something to be offended by and then expecting others to follow their lead and change the way they've always spoken to suit.

CurlewKate · 15/12/2023 17:52

@LinguisticallyCunning "It just seems to me like people are looking for any reason to find something to be offended by and then expecting others to follow their lead and change the way they've always spoken to suit."

  1. there is a difference between not liking something and being offended by it.
  2. Lots of language that was once acceptable has changed- because the people who didn't like it challenged it.
Original poster
monsteraa · 15/12/2023 18:17

ChernarusFinest · 15/12/2023 11:32

I never said my opinion was the right opinion. I said "embrace it", because anybody referring to a woman (or a man....sigh) with one of these names, and particularly if it's a regional thing, are most likely doing it because we are being friendly. And please believe me when I tell you that if someone from Yorkshire isn't being friendly to you, you'll certainly know the difference...

I also explained that it's not a gender issue in Yorkshire, yet somehow this has still turned into a gender issue to some!

The ability of some people to find offence in every little thing never fails to amaze me. Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous new year to you all, my loves ;)

Again, you don't have the experience of being a woman.

Maybe try listening.

No one is 'finding offence in every little thing', but some language used by men towards women is outdated and problematic.

OP posts:
Original poster
monsteraa · 15/12/2023 18:26

@ChernarusFinest and I have given multiple disclaimers about Yorkshire/ small pockets of the country where things are slightly different.

I have lived in lots of different areas of the UK, including Yorkshire and Lancashire, and I fully understand regional dialect and colloquialisms.

If you have nothing to say/ no knowledge about anywhere other than Yorkshire then maybe you need to travel a bit and talk to more people.

There are plenty of men where I live who call me 'sweetheart' in a patronising way and would not say that to another man. That is (quite obviously) what I am talking about.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread