Love, darling, sweetheart etc.

[monsteraa]

I hear these words regularly from men, day in, day out - bus drivers, tradesmen, shopkeepers, etc.

I don't like it when men I don't know call me these things, I find it patronising.

Sometimes I want to say 'I'm not your sweetheart' (but of course I don't, I'm too polite).

AIBU?

YABVVU.

It's friendly, and directed at both sexes and all ages. Not something to get fussy and prickly over. You are not literally someone's sweetheart.

I suspect the people who complain about this are often motivated by classist snobbery.

Im with you op, I know it’s a British thing, I know it’s part of everyday speech, I know it’s nothing remotely seedy, but I hate it, detest it, and just can’t stand it, I find it irritating, and it makes my ears prickle with distaste whenever I hear one of these terms of endearment being used about me by someone I don’t know, or someone I do for that matter.

However, being as I am British, I try to be polite, ignore it and leave my turmoil burried internally.

I’m in Yorkshire and both men and women call people love. It feels warm to me.

I hear it from women more than men to be honest

Up in the north Ive heard 'flower', like that one

I like it.

Would you prefer 'bro' OP?

That’s exactly where I live and I don’t think it’s common here at all!

Would depend on the context and who was saying it how I felt I guess - I wouldn’t object to a woman saying it. If a man said it I guess it would depend on the whole context but there are definitely circumstances in which it would could only be considered rude and patronising- and I think we know when those are. It would be utterly bizarre if a younger man were to say it - by which I mean under about 40/ 50. They just don’t.

@Atishooooo this is why the rest of the country thinks londoners are rude

I don't know why you'd find it patronising. Generally the person saying it isn't using the word in a "I'm superior to you" kind of way. They're just filler words. In olden days you may have been called Sir, Madam or Miss, but in today's less formal world it's Love, Sweetheart, Darling etc, or regional variants.

Hahaha

Tbh I don't mind it. It's usually from older men to me or sometimes younger but even then it's been said in a kind/caring way.
If they were deliberately trying to be patronising or they were being creepy I wouldn't like it but that's not usually my experience.

As with others, I probably hear this more from women, than men, or at least as much.

Depending on the context, I don’t mind and perhaps even like it. A young man working in a cage called me lovely when handing me my drink the other week, ‘there you go lovely’. It really cheered me up! So when people use it like that, as a friendly social lubricant, I like it.

I would not like it in a professional context. Women don’t speak like this in my profession and if a man did it to me at work, that would not be appropriate.

hangingonfordearlife1 · Today 07:45

@Atishooooo this is why the rest of the country thinks londoners are rude

One for another thread but Londoners are not any more rude than anyone else. When people say this it's usually because they've broken an obvious social rule (like stopping dead at the bottom of an escalator with a suitcase) and someone has rolled their eyes or asked them to move. Then instead of accepting they've done something wrong they decide that everyone around them is rude instead!

Social lubricant is a good description, I would say they are social connecting words, so the example above someone gives that its reductive because NHS admin use words like that with patients but not with GPs, well firstly you dont know how they talk with each other in the staff room 'last custard cream for you babe?'

But equally, staff in an NHS facility are charged with making patients feel comfortable, engaged, connected, that they care etc etc. So its a normal use in that case

All these people that 'bristle' when they hear it are heading us toward a society where the social lubricant of warmth is missing. We have enough isolation and non human interaction as it is thank you.

This. They are polite social lubricants. They act as small acts of bonding to show acceptance and absence of threat.

I got called ‘Love’ yesterday for the first time in ages. A northern, younger man (just typing that makes me feel old… I’m 42!), handed some papers to me in a medical waiting room and said ‘here you go love’.

And it felt like a little ray of sunshine! Proper made me smile and relax. It’s not something I hear very often nowadays in London and I commented as such, saying how nice it was to hear. We both had a wee grin to each other and got on with our day.

No offence meant, no offence taken

I'm from the north, everyone is love or sweet or some variation or other! If I get called by my actual name I think I'm either in trouble or something is seriously wrong 😂😂.

Our postie always calls me my love and I think it’s so nice. But I worked with a South African woman for a while who called everyone sweetie and I found it so patronising and insincere.

I don’t think I could pull it off myself

Exactly this!! People that get all bent out of shape over such a non event really are lucky they have nothing more serious to worry about!

Exactly this! I much to prefer it to interacting with employees who barely acknowledge you when taking your money etc.

I really like it, I get it from men and women always have and hope always will

I will add I loathe babe thankfully never personally been called it though

I'm a woman and I call people random things like this especially when I was in a customer service role, not in professional roles, as a way of being open and friendly. Different areas use different words, duck, bab, hun, I got mortified when a young lad called me ma'am once!
Honestly it's become as much a part of British culture as queuing and sighing!

I’d love to be called duck, must visit Yorkshire! 😂

I work in a care home and we have just been banned from using terms of endearment following one complaint from an estranged family member. So sad. Difficult too as it tends to roll off the tongue. Maybe we should stop saying please and thank you too.

Yes I think YABU, but that's simply my opinion, doesn't bother me what people call me as along as I don't think it's rude.

I'm from an area where duck and love are used frequently. I did laugh when my 17 yr old nephew called me Duck. Sounded odd but he's obviously picked it up from his Dad who uses it all the time. I think it's a very British thing to do.

I call mine sausage 😁