Love, darling, sweetheart etc.

[monsteraa]

I hear these words regularly from men, day in, day out - bus drivers, tradesmen, shopkeepers, etc.

I don't like it when men I don't know call me these things, I find it patronising.

Sometimes I want to say 'I'm not your sweetheart' (but of course I don't, I'm too polite).

AIBU?

@monsteraa "There are plenty of men where I live who call me 'sweetheart' in a patronising way and would not say that to another man. That is (quite obviously) what I am talking about."

This. And also, the use of such words by men to try to assert dominance over women in the workplace. Most women will have experienced this- often it's so routine that it's not even noticed.

Incidentally, I have to accept that there are areas of the Bothe

Oops! I have to accept that there are areas of the North where men call other men they don't know "love" on a regular basis. I still maintain that if it was more than an occasional thing, either me or a member of my very large multi generational family would have come across it over the years. But hey ho. And

@CurlewKate I agree. I'm Northern by birth and lived in the north until I was in my mid twenties. I did not regularly hear men calling other men 'love', 'darling' and 'sweetheart'. Quite the opposite in fact - I saw quite a lot of toxic masculinity and 'macho' culture among men.

Anyway, I'm not saying it doesn't happen anywhere or denying the experience of those who say it does - but not in my experience.

And regardless of that - these very small pockets of the country are outlier and not the point I am making. There's a lot of 'whataboutery' on this thread which misses the point.

The point I am making, which I think I've made pretty clear, is about instances in which men use these words for women and not other men.

I would be interested to see a poll on: 'How many times a day are you referred to as 'love', 'darling' or 'sweetheart' - split into men and women.

(And yes regionally as well so it can look at the whole country).

I get at least one of these pretty much every day from men I don't know. I don't live in the North where this is a regional/ dialectal thing.

My husband said he can't remember when he was last called one of these by anyone other than myself or his mother.

The thing is that a lot of people do like it, or at least, don't mind it so people like you going off on one and forcing change on everyone is just annoying.

I live in Yorkshire and it is used as a way of coming across in a friendly manner when you don't know someone's name, or as a term of endearment. Yes, dh has been called love and cocker and spadge by other men many times too.

@LinguisticallyCunning "The thing is that a lot of people do like it, or at least, don't mind it so people like you going off on one and forcing change on everyone is just annoying."

I am just saying what I think-just as you are. I'm not forcing change-I wouldn't if I could. And I am certainly not "going off on one"!

@LinguisticallyCunning I've just shared your post with dp-and he asks if you can say where in Yorkshire you live.

@LinguisticallyCunning I don't quite see how simply opening up a conversation and stating how this sometimes makes me feel (outside of Yorkshire) is 'forcing change on everyone'.

I'm on the border between West and South Yorkshire in a little ex-mining village. I don't actually call anyone love, spadge, cocker, cock, mate, pal, bud or any other term - it just doesn't sound right coming from my mouth - but really don't mind them being used on me.

This.