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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Love, darling, sweetheart etc.

335 replies

monsteraa · 12/12/2023 04:44

I hear these words regularly from men, day in, day out - bus drivers, tradesmen, shopkeepers, etc.

I don't like it when men I don't know call me these things, I find it patronising.

Sometimes I want to say 'I'm not your sweetheart' (but of course I don't, I'm too polite).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Twentymorequestions · 12/12/2023 07:13

I don’t mind being called ‘love’, ‘duck’, ‘doll’ etc by anyone.

I LOVE being called ‘sweetheart’, ‘darling’, ‘sweet’ by people I know well, but hate it if a stranger calls me any of these.

And I detest being called ‘Hun’ by anyone!

SallyWD · 12/12/2023 07:22

We have these threads all the time. All I can say is don't move to Yorkshire. Everyone is called love here. And it's not men patronising women - women say it even more.
I personally like it. It's said with gentle affection.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 12/12/2023 07:23

Chickenkeev · 12/12/2023 06:31

That's the way to suffer bs indefinitely. People have to be made aware when they're crossing lines, albeit inadvertantly.

Show quote history

Oh for crying out loud, "crossing lines" ...........

Nubnut · 12/12/2023 07:24

Please don’t complain about this!!! I am not British and it is the number one thing I LOVE about being out and about in britain. I mostly hear it from women too and I love it. I feel like everyone is my mother! (In a good way haha)

LinguisticallyCunning · 12/12/2023 07:24

It's familiar and friendly without having to remember names. It's almost always not meant in any other way.

Comedycook · 12/12/2023 07:25

I'm a woman and often find myself saying these words to all sorts of people..it's just habit. Life's too short to get wound up over this

CoalCraft · 12/12/2023 07:25

Women do it just as much - midwives and supermarket till staff seem the most prone it of all professions.

Jeffsmeffsmiff · 12/12/2023 07:26

I say it to kids ALL the time. Like "hi darling, you all right?" Or "oops sorry babe" if I bang into someone accidentally at the school gate. I don't really do it to adults though. Never thought people might think it inappropriate or weird. It's just meant to sound friendly.

NoItsStillNighttimeDarling · 12/12/2023 07:26

I definitely think this is a regional thing. I'm from the north and it's very common here.

When I am in other parts of the country I notice when it's missing and always feel a lovely sense of belonging when I get home and a taxi driver/shop keeper etc says 'hiya love'

merrymerrychristmasall · 12/12/2023 07:27

And I detest being called ‘Hun’ by anyone!

Is “hun” used regularly anywhere? I don’t ever recall being callled “hun” or even hearing it unless it was typed sarcastically on MN. But I do wonder if it is casually used in any areas of the UK?

hangingonfordearlife1 · 12/12/2023 07:28

where are you from? they are terms of endearment and polite where i am from. yabu

pickledandpuzzled · 12/12/2023 07:28

A bus driver with a Caribbean accent used to call me and everyone else my sweetheart. Used to make my day. Warms the cockles of your heart.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 12/12/2023 07:28

merrymerrychristmasall · 12/12/2023 07:27

And I detest being called ‘Hun’ by anyone!

Is “hun” used regularly anywhere? I don’t ever recall being callled “hun” or even hearing it unless it was typed sarcastically on MN. But I do wonder if it is casually used in any areas of the UK?

liverpool. everywhere!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/12/2023 07:29

I think it depends where you live.

In some areas it’s what everyone calls everyone, and fine.

Where I live, it’s not, and if a man said it to me here I would tell him I wasn’t his “love”.

ClangingDin · 12/12/2023 07:29

I hate all these names with a passion and cringe when called them. I want to say that I am not their pet/dear/sweetheart/love etc. Men and women do it but I have noticed more women.

But I grew up without any affection or love. So I can see that it is my issue and not theirs why it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

Jeffsmeffsmiff · 12/12/2023 07:29

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing where abouts are you? I'm in S London and it's pretty common here.

Lwrenagain · 12/12/2023 07:31

When I was little I lived with my mums friend for a bit whilst my mum was poorly and she's Scottish so I use hen and lass loads. Probably sounds dead weird coming out because my accent is scouse. 😂

Jeffsmeffsmiff · 12/12/2023 07:32

Ha! I like hen 😁 I call my kids "chicken" not really sure why

Copperoliverbear · 12/12/2023 07:32

It's just people being polite/ friendly I think you are being too over sensitive

QueSyrahSyrah · 12/12/2023 07:35

Another from Yorkshire here and it's not remotely deliberate or with intention for the recipient to think that they're my sweetheart or my love, it's as natural as breathing.

10HailMarys · 12/12/2023 07:38

It’s all about context for me. There are certainly times when it can be patronising or even aggressive (if it’s used in a sarcastic or nasty way) but a “Thanks love” from a shopkeeper or something doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Both men and women do it. My family are Londoners and it’s very normal for us to call people ‘mate’.

CattingAbout · 12/12/2023 07:38

YANBU not to like it.

But I agree with pp in that my experience is it's more widespread than just something men do to women.

In my area it's 'lovely' or 'my lovely' and crosses all gender interactions tbh.

RosesAndHellebores · 12/12/2023 07:39

I don't mind it in the slightest coming from tradesmen, in shops, etc, although it doesn't happen much.

I mind it a great deal coming from nurses, and hospital/GP admin. They don't call the Dr luvvie or darlin, so they shouldn't use those terms with the patient. It's reductive.

Atishooooo · 12/12/2023 07:40

GymBergerac · 12/12/2023 05:51

I think it's a bit of a regional thing as well, I've lived in Shropshire for twelve years after most of my life in Cheshire, and it's far more prevalent here (along with duck and babe, which will probably upset people as well!)
I don't think I've ever heard any of them said with any intent to upset or offend though, it's just a friendly thing....

You don't often get it in London, thankfully. The few occasions that you do, it's usually older people, so I guess they can be forgiven.

That said, I stopped using our nearest corner shop as the 20-something Turkish-born man who is usually on the till addresses me as Darlin' which makes me squirm. I'm 50 fgs!! Lost in translation, in his case, I imagine.

I also hate Hun which seems to be a young woman thing, though rarely spoken, more often in messaging - urgh, urgh, urgh. Makes me bristle!

10HailMarys · 12/12/2023 07:41

Lwrenagain · 12/12/2023 07:31

When I was little I lived with my mums friend for a bit whilst my mum was poorly and she's Scottish so I use hen and lass loads. Probably sounds dead weird coming out because my accent is scouse. 😂

Haha, my lovely BIL is Glaswegian and invariably calls women either darling or hen. And men are either ‘big man’ or ‘wee man’. I love it!