Love, darling, sweetheart etc.

[monsteraa]

I hear these words regularly from men, day in, day out - bus drivers, tradesmen, shopkeepers, etc.

I don't like it when men I don't know call me these things, I find it patronising.

Sometimes I want to say 'I'm not your sweetheart' (but of course I don't, I'm too polite).

AIBU?

i absolutely hate being called madam. Any of the others I’m fine with. But not madam. I am not a naughty child nor do I run a brothel.

It can be patronizing. I got a message today from a male friend and I found his use of darling patronizing. He only calls me darling when i disagree with him, so it makes me feel like he is using darling to make me feel small and childlike when I have the temerity to have a different opinion. If people are using it to be friendly, i
Don't mind.

I cannot be offended by someone using a commonly known term of endearment when talking to me. My mum used to quack or say "I'm not a duck" when people said hello duck. Pathetic. Just accept the warmth and kindness meant by it.

Duck is quite sweet imo!

I'm East End born and bred and I've always used love, sweetheart etc. It's never occurred to me that it could be considered offensive or patronising, and I've got no problem with being called it either by men or women. It's just the way people talk.

How do you feel about women calling me names like these? I hear a lot of that. It really does work both ways. You might not get many men calling other men darling but you get men to women and women to men.

I like it mostly. I live in Yorkshire and work in a pub so I get it a lot. It's just friendly.

A Geordie once said "Thanks bonny lass!" when I served him and I loved that! It made me laugh and brightened up my day.

I think YANBU if you don't like it though. You can't help how you feel.

Calling men not calling me!

YANBU

Why do you think men don't use it for other men?

I like it. All used very often in this area.

First of all, where I live (Yorkshire), men do call each other love. I've heard it many times.
Secondly, if it's less common in other places it's due to socialisation, isn't it? Women are raised to show tenderness when they speak. Men are raised to be a little tougher, to man up. A man can speak gently to a woman but would probably be teased if he spoke the same way to another bloke. Just look at the way men speak to their mates. They're more likely to affectionately call their friends " you dick head" or "you fat bastard" than anything else!
I know there's a certain type of man who will call a woman darling or whatever in a patronising way but my experience in Yorkshire is the opposite. These terms of endearment aren't used by men to patronise women, they're used by everyone, to everyone: men to women, women to men, women to women and yes, even men to men.
I'll be very sad if it should ever stop.

Errr they do (I’m in Lancashire)

Clearly some do.

You didn't answer my question though. Does it bother you about women calling men names as much as it does the other way round?

My dad calls men and women 'love', he's from Lancashire. He hasn't caused any upset so far so he's unlikely to stop now.

Exactly.

It's absolutely the norm here from both men and women. I find it endearing.

You are definitely not in Yorkshire. Big burly men (think rugby players/builders etc) absolutely do call each other love! It makes me smile because where I grew up men definitely did not do it!

Loads of people on here have commented that men do use it for other men. Why are you ignoring those posts?

Just because a word is gender orientated doesn't mean it's offensive.

Men do use it for other men but where they don't, using a masculine word does not mean the feminine versions are sexist, patronising or any other word you want to use.

Women can't use the argument that they are smaller and weaker than men for trans debates but then be offended that they are deemed smaller and weaker but a word. Which they aren't.

It is geographical. Nothing to get the arse about.

There is a man in a shop here who always trills GOOD MORNING LOVELYYYY to every customer, and I do want to put a pickaxe through his spinal column, but that's my problem.

I can only assume there must be pockets of the north where men routinely call each other "love."

Personally, I've been watching out for it and asking about it since I first noticed this discussion on Mumsnet about 10 years ago, and not a single sighting, first or second hand. Not even in "All Creatures Great and Small" which certainly bashed us over the head with every other possible Northern stereotype!

Anyway, the fact remains that men in general use diminutive endearments to women and not to other men. A male manager is not likely to say "Get us a cup of tea, love" to a man junior to him.

I like it. Its friendly and welcoming

I hear women using it towards men all the , or does that not count ??

Definitely a minefield nowadays.

Thanks. This is basically what I'm saying and I think answers the other questions above. It is diminutive in a lot of contexts.

I'm not from Southern England, and for those who seem to be saying I don't have a clue what Yorkshire/ Lancashire are like, I have spent a lot of time in both.