Pregnant with a boy and upset

[Globenew]

I know IABU but I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way! I need some home truths and some advice if anyone else has felt this way.

I have a daughter already and have recently found out that pregnant with a baby boy. I feel awful about feeling this way but I am really upset. I have only ever wanted girls and so decided to stop at 1 when I got pregnant with a girl frost time.

This pregnancy caught us by surprise. I know that logically I am very lucky. But I don’t feel this way. My sister in law (we are married to brothers) has 2 daughters and we saw them at in laws on Saturday and it brought all the feelings back up again. (I have been trying to think positively and get over myself but now can’t stop thinking about it again)

I feel short changed. And like she has had it fall perfectly for her. My nieces were talking about how they’re Elsa and Anna and I felt so jealous for my DD. I also feel embarrassed because I made no secret of how happy I was to have a girl and that I didn’t want boys. So now I look a fool.

No one seems as excited about my pregnancy and I feel like if it was a girl they would be.

I am not sure if I’m making much sense but it has helped to write it out.

How can I stop feeling this way.

I love my DD to pieces don't get me wrong but I've found the teenage years extremely challenging with her and much less so with DS. I'm not having any more children so it's a moot point I was just trying to explain perhaps clumsily, that my fears about having a boy were unfounded.

and then count them again that you are having a son who is not going to make your ears bleed with wingeing tales of school girly fall-outs for the next 12 years

yuk. Please leave your misogyny at the door. It disgusts me that people think it’s acceptable to say this kind of thing

Aw fair enough x

Look it's OK to have a preference. But the way you think about this, the language you use - it blows my mind! You're disappointed and upset. You feel short changed and embarrassed. There's something heartbreaking about a little boy being born in to the world, whose own mother feels short changed and embarrassed by his existence. For many years you'll be his entire world.
I have one of each. I can say hand on heart my boy is in no way less than his sister. He is not second best, he is not inferior, he is not an embarrassment, he is not disappointing. He is 100% as equally wonderful as his sister.
I can tell you a million amazing things about my daughter but as this is all about how boys are second best, I'll focus on my son here. DS has always been more cuddly and affectionate than his sister. A recent example - I had to go away for 2 weeks. When I got back I was so excited to see my children. I went to hug my daughter and she pushed me away saying "Is this really necessary?" whilst my son flew in to my arms. My son's nearly 11 and still loves to snuggle with me at bedtime and likes me to tuck him in. Boys mature later than girls. At nearly 11 my son is very much still a child. My daughter at that age already had quite a teenage attitude and was fiercely independent (ie - not wanting to hang out with us). I really enjoy the fact that you get an extra couple of years of childhood with boys. My DS is much more like me than my DD. We look more alike and have very similar personalities. My DD looks more like her dad and has a similar personality to him. Therefore, I can really relate to DS because I understand how he thinks. Their genitals are irrelevant. Personality is much more important. This boy won't be some random alien boy. He'll be 50% you and 50% your DH.
The Anna and Elsa thing that upset you with the two girls will last about a year. I have two brothers and we've always been so close. We WhatsApp every day and love being together. I never wanted a sister and couldn't be closer to a sister than I am to my brothers.

My late father was disappointed at me being a girl my whole life (he doted on boy cousin 8 years younger) I was never good enough,my exams, choice of career (nursing) choice of hobbies. They never managed to have any more children. Trust me,it's horrible.

By the way, people being less excited by your second pregnancy is nothing to do with him being a boy. It's just a second pregnancy thing.
When I had my first I was amazed by all the interest. People I hadn't heard of from years were sending generous gifts etc. My parents were also much more emotional and tearful about my first. With my second pregnancy it just wasn't a big deal to anyone! The novelty of me having babies had worn off.
All my friends have said this too. Many of them had boys first and girls second and we all found that people weren't interested the second time round.

I had a daughter first (big fanfare etc. as only boys had been born into our family for 20 odd years), and then hoped for a second daughter. Then my son arrived, he was born with a serious health issue (which is currently static at 27 years of age ), but he is one of the sweetest human beings I know.
I'm sure all the Boy Mums out there know how sweet 'boy cuddles' are (even at 27).
Also, must say my daughter is lovely too.
Please just be grateful for 2 beautiful children.

My girl is 6. She spends most of the time talking about those things too. 🤣 Might be an age thing!

Remember everything you're sad about is just an idea.. the little girl you feel shortchanged about not having never actually existed. This little boy does and my goodness when you see him the first time it'll all change and that will be your beautiful reality. Little boys are just as the best and tend to just adore their mummy's. I absolutely love having little boys 💙 hang in there, pregnancy is long and the hormones make everything feel 10 times worse x x

I am curious why so many say boys are the best yet they don't have a daughter so how would they know? I have one of each and whilst happy to say how great boys are I don't really like the way girls are talked about.

I have a gorgeous bouncing boy. I actually wanted a boy first because I grew up with sisters and we hated each other through teenage years and still bicker now. If we have a second now I don’t have to worry about gender at all.
With one of each there’ll be less of a chance of competition/comparing themselves to each other plus if he’s the first boy he’ll be something new! My BIL had a girl first and whilst they’re both doted on by grandparents I found the men of the family were more enthusiastic with the boy and less worried about “breaking him”. They all talk about taking him to the rugby and taking him for first pint with them in the pub when he’s older which is really lovely to see.

I'm not reading further than the first page because it's too painful. I was desperate for another girl but then found out at my 20 week scan that my boy is going to die before he is born and now I'd give ANYTHING to bring my boy home.

Count your blessings

I'm so sorry @Worldupsidedown23

I'm so, so sorry @Worldupsidedown23

Cos boys are great, that's why!!

Aww, agreed

I really do not think you deserve to be a parent with the way you are thinking!

Surely babies are lovely regardless of their sex?!

Stop this jealousy! You're jealous that your SIL has 2 girls, you're jealous that your nieces get on well and you're jealous that your nieces' closeness means that there's no room for your daughter.

For the moment, your daughter doesn't have your hangups about having a brother, but if you carry on this way, you will make it that your daughter starts to have an issue with her sibling being a boy because she'll sense your dislike of him. YOUR behaviour could end up being the thing that creates the very scenario you're afraid of - siblings that don't get on.

Allow your daughter the joy of loving her little brother and both of them experiencing that sibling closeness....or are you jealous of that too?

It’s great having one of each !!! Big sisters just love mothering their baby brother and will do for life ( I’m a big sister ) they don’t tend to squabble as much espresso as the teen years start !!! I felt like you with my 4th and had really wanted a girl …. We nearly lost him during delivery and it made me realise how much he was loved already

Sons are a blessing.
I had a little heart to heart earlier with my youngest son who is 18. Things l couldn't talk about to anyone else, he understands. He listened and offered words of comfort, he praised me for all that l do ( lone widowed parent) he is immensely kind. I never had that kind of relationship with my own Mum, our conversations are very shallow.
Don't feel you are missing out on something by having a boy, it's been the most beautiful surprise of my life.

Hello my wonderful mummies in the house,I just want to know the BP experiences with both the mothers carrying girl or boy, do you have a lower or higher with one gender?

I spent a day with a group of friends yesterday, all of whom have boys, and I so enjoyed watching them all play with my DD. She just joined the pack and they all were racing around this big open space, digging about, running up and down hills, playing ball, doing running races, making dens, rushing back to us for picnic and then racing off again. I loved the energy and the laughter. The muddy knees and wild hair.

I came home thinking that all the other Mum's were very lucky to have these nice boys and I am glad my DD is around them all - she benefits a lot from their friendships and it brings out different sides in her. And it will benefit your DD to have a brother I'm sure.

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