Pregnant with a boy and upset

[Globenew]

I know IABU but I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way! I need some home truths and some advice if anyone else has felt this way.

I have a daughter already and have recently found out that pregnant with a baby boy. I feel awful about feeling this way but I am really upset. I have only ever wanted girls and so decided to stop at 1 when I got pregnant with a girl frost time.

This pregnancy caught us by surprise. I know that logically I am very lucky. But I don’t feel this way. My sister in law (we are married to brothers) has 2 daughters and we saw them at in laws on Saturday and it brought all the feelings back up again. (I have been trying to think positively and get over myself but now can’t stop thinking about it again)

I feel short changed. And like she has had it fall perfectly for her. My nieces were talking about how they’re Elsa and Anna and I felt so jealous for my DD. I also feel embarrassed because I made no secret of how happy I was to have a girl and that I didn’t want boys. So now I look a fool.

No one seems as excited about my pregnancy and I feel like if it was a girl they would be.

I am not sure if I’m making much sense but it has helped to write it out.

How can I stop feeling this way.

I think the way boys love their mothers is the same as the way girls love their fathers. It’s different from the way girls love their mothers and boys love their fathers

And these thoughts are based on absolutely nothing but nonsense.

@Wellhellooooodear

Why would it be better for a vulnerable pregnant woman to keep her anxiety (however irrational) in her own head, rather than share it with others and hopefully feel reassured.

Yes, there might be some women struggling to conceive who feel peeved, although the title makes clear the nature of the thread. However, there will be people who have experienced this same feeling who have had IVF, miscarriages, lost babies etc and whom still feel the same. Should they also keep their mouths shut? I think that you are displaying a very simplified view and one that is not informed from a mental health stance. Every single baby deserves to be loved. If a mother is able to seek reassurance during her pregnancy and decrease the chance of PND, then that baby will get the best possible start in life.

I have one of each and haven't really noticed any difference in the way they love me.

My daughter definitely loves me more than she loves her dad at the moment but she's still breastfed and he doesn't have boobs so I guess I win.

😢

Mother son loves is special but mother daughter love is very special too. It’s maybe a little different but I couldn’t say less. And as I get older I love my mum more and more because I “get” her more with every year.

Gender disappointment is natural and you should not feel guilty about feeling the way you do.
I had a lot of girls around me when growing up (sisters, nieces etc) and when I got pregnant I desperately wanted a girl and did feel disappointed when I found out I was expecting a boy instead. However, once I had time to digest the news and pick a name, things got easier.
Now, quite a few years later I can't tell you how lucky I feel that I had a boy. He is very affectionate, funny and easygoing, while majority of the girls in his class are behaving like little princesses.
I have spoken to many women who have experienced gender disappointment when finding out they were expecting boys, but they all have said how close their sons are to them, even past teenage years. Much closer than their daughters.
Don't be too hard on yourself. I promise that when you look back on this moment in a couple of years time, you will see it very differently and wouldn't change your little boy for anything.

Vile.

To even think it

Vile

No I do not but I have sisters and several nieces

I can understand that

Okey doke

God how fucking nasty 🤢

OP you are categorically not a dick. Gender disappointment is a real thing. Your feelings are valid. You have acknowledged that you want to stop feeling this way, and that’s a positive step.

People are probably not as excited, not because you’re having a boy, but because this is your second child. This isn’t new to you. You’ve done it all before. That being said, it may be your own feelings that are getting in the way of recognising other peoples feelings.

I promise you, all these feelings will go away once he is born. If you were set on having another girl, then finding out you’re having a boy will have been a shock. And that’s okay. You’ll be surprised how many women experience this.

Just concentrate on the babies health, not their gender for now. Boys are amazing and love their mums. This feeling will pass.

It's natural if your thinking is warped. To be disappointed about the identify of your own child that you are carrying is not befitting of someone who deserves to be a mother. Unconditional love, that's being a mum. Conditional, ain't.

My sympathies are with the child.

This makes me feel sad, that anyone might look at my sons and think I got a raw deal, that I might have been disappointed by them. Because the absolute opposite is true and I've only ever felt immeasurable love and feeling blessed to have my boys.

I have struggled with infertility and am lucky enough to have 1 through ivf. I always wanted 3 boys, we didn’t find out and when my beautiful dd was born I couldn’t belive I was blessed with a beautiful little girl, just perfect in my eyes!

If and highly unlikely now as been trying for 8 years, I was to have another I want a girl. I know that I’d be grateful of any baby but I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t feel how you do. Nonetheless I am 100% sure that when that baby arrived it all wouldn’t matter because that’s exactly what happened with my dd.

You are pregnant, hormonal, had an idea of what you wanted. You are allowed to feel disappointed but I can assure you it won’t last. You have a beautiful, healthy baby growing inside you and the minute you meet that little man all this will be forgotten.

You don't sound mature enough to be having children tbh.

But boys definitely love their mums too!

This is absolute rubbish ime. My boys don't love me any more specially or differently than their Dad. I have a different relationship with each of them, as does he, and it varies at times, sometimes one is closer to one or the other, and they have different shared interest with each of us. But there is no special, intangible greater boy-mother love thing, that's just fanciful. And sex disappointment isn't natural, it's self indulgent and based on ridiculous, out of date stereotypes about girls liking shopping and boys liking sports and mothers and daughters having a special bond involving shopping. You might get a girl who hates shopping or a boy who hates sports. And you only have to read certain boards on here to find plenty of women complaing about their narc mother who they've just gone nc with.

Life is not this black and white.

I don't intend to be unkind, but I hope you can soon take in how fortunate you really are. My younger daughter has been TTC for 4 or 5 years. She had 2 early miscarriages last year and I think she's too afraid to try again. She has wanted children since she was small, but I think she's given up the dream.

I also have a granddaughter and a grandson from my older daughter and I love them dearly. It was an unlikely thing that we ended up with the 2nd. DD was carrying twins; 1 quietly went, and two weeks later, the other. After a D&C, they tried again- another early missed miscarriage. One last attempt, and we now have our grandson. Honestly, my heart aches for DD2, but we know we were blessed to have GC at all.

Embrace your good fortune and be happy about this new life you carry.

I have two girls. I wanted a boy the first time. I wasn't too bothered the second time.

They are vile to each other. So so bitchy. I have a brother and a sister and I get on with them equally.

"Boys really love their mums" what a lot of crap. So girls don't? I don't think sex comes into
It.

So I just wanted to send you some sympathy and love. You can't help your feelings and people posting cruel messages just don't get that. I was once in your shoes. Well it was when I was pregnant with my first, after multiple horrendous pregnancy losses, and I fond out I was carrying a boy. Yes I should have been overjoyed - a healthy baby at last on the way - but I just couldn't get over how upset I was about the fact I wasn't having a girl.

I went to the doctor and got counselling - which didn't make me feel any better. In hindsight I must have had prenatal depression, and it wasn't helped by the fact that the entrance to every baby shop was lined with beautiful, bright girl baby clothes, whilst the boy stuff was brown, khaki or covered in tractors. And I worried about how I could ever love a wild, rough, loud boy.

Of course I fell utterly in love with him once he was born. And equally with his little brother, two years later. Boys can be every bit as soft, gentle and caring as girls. Mine cared for their dollies and soft toys, dressed up in Elsa dresses etc as well as playing with lego and kicking a ball around. They cry when they're upset and comfort me when I am.

When I read your post, I asked my littler one what he would say to a lady who had a little girl already and a baby brother in her tummy and was upset about the fact that they weren't going to be able to play "Elsa and Anna". Without blinking, he said, "I'd tell her they can play Anna and Kristoff!"

It might not feel like it now, and you might be sad inside for quite some time - you're mourning a dream after all, however illogical - but it WILL be fine 💑

"Little boys love their mums in a way that little girls Don't"

Is this proven?? Assume you have all boys 😂😂

feel like my DD will be like the spare one and odd one out. They’re a gang and I wanted that

She won't be. Her gang will be her and her brother. In the nicest possible way Op, it's time to grow up

Who says little boys love their mothers in a way little girls don’t?

Says who exactly????

A poster above