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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant with a boy and upset

524 replies

Globenew · 04/12/2023 19:25

I know IABU but I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way! I need some home truths and some advice if anyone else has felt this way.

I have a daughter already and have recently found out that pregnant with a baby boy. I feel awful about feeling this way but I am really upset. I have only ever wanted girls and so decided to stop at 1 when I got pregnant with a girl frost time.

This pregnancy caught us by surprise. I know that logically I am very lucky. But I don’t feel this way. My sister in law (we are married to brothers) has 2 daughters and we saw them at in laws on Saturday and it brought all the feelings back up again. (I have been trying to think positively and get over myself but now can’t stop thinking about it again)

I feel short changed. And like she has had it fall perfectly for her. My nieces were talking about how they’re Elsa and Anna and I felt so jealous for my DD. I also feel embarrassed because I made no secret of how happy I was to have a girl and that I didn’t want boys. So now I look a fool.

No one seems as excited about my pregnancy and I feel like if it was a girl they would be.

I am not sure if I’m making much sense but it has helped to write it out.

How can I stop feeling this way.

OP posts:
HarryOHayandBettyOBarley · 05/12/2023 00:50

blackfluffycat · 05/12/2023 00:47

A poster above

Sorry I just meant to quote the text not direct the question to you. I know you were quoting it too.
The question was meant for the lazy person who trotted out the ridiculous line that mothers of boys usually trot out.

CumbrianYorkshireHybrid · 05/12/2023 00:55

I hope your wonderful perfect healthy son never knows any of this.
I do wonder why those with such a strong preference take the risk.
My firstborn, now an amazing man, has never put a foot wrong in life. I'm devastated when I hear his struggle with infertility. Their IVF journey is just beginning but I guarantee he and his partner of over ten years would give anything to be expecting your precious little boy.

neilyoungismyhero · 05/12/2023 00:57

I felt lucky I had a girl first then a boy. They are both great people but oh my.. my son is a hundred times more genuinely loving, giving, supportive and generous than his sister. He's a nice man. Not a mummy's boy by any means either.
Don't knock your boy you're lucky.

blackfluffycat · 05/12/2023 00:59

Plenty of people on here are saying boys are superior to girls. I think how well your child turns out depends on their personality not their sex.

FirstTimeTTC989 · 05/12/2023 01:25

Oh get a grip. A healthy child is what you want. Whether it's a boy or girl doesn't matter.

I'm TTC now and honestly, hand on heart, cannot understand someone being so upset at the gender of their HEALTHY baby.

Yes, we all maybe have an image in our head about our future family. But giving it more than a seconds thought is very unreasonable.

BlueEyedPeanut · 05/12/2023 01:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MintJulia · 05/12/2023 01:45

You need to rethink, OP. You'll have a fabulous little boy.

I have a ds and he's funny and hard working. No catty teen girl spite. No teen girl mood swings. No insufferable pink. No arguments over makeup or clothes.

He still cycles with me (age 15). Swims & practices karate. Eats like a horse (no fussing about calories). Wears jeans, tshirts and fleeces. Is just so EASY to get on with. 🤗

Is now taller than me, and tall son hugs are the best. I wouldn't change a thing.

Cravingsgalore · 05/12/2023 01:52

@BlueEyedPeanut that's a disgusting thing to say. You should be ashamed.

Pocodaku · 05/12/2023 01:58

Your daughter might not be into Elsa, Anna or sparkles and tutus. She may be into football and trucks. Let your kids pursue their interests and talents, regardless of gender stereotypes.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 05/12/2023 02:03

I absolutely adore having 1 of each.

I honestly am so grateful and even though my DC are 18 and 16 now , my boy is beautiful.( they both are)

I couldn't have more love in my heart.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 05/12/2023 02:05

If you felt this strongly then you shouldn't have got pregnant in the first place. I think you need therapy tbh.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 05/12/2023 02:06

Nanny0gg · 04/12/2023 23:40

Vile.

To even think it

Vile

Show quote history

It is, but her attitude is vile and it's not fair on the poor child if this is how she feels and isn't likely to change her mind

Ohnoooooooo · 05/12/2023 02:08

I have boy / girl twins - trust me you need a boy to balance out the hormones during the teen years. Boys love their mum - my son is always checking in on me making sure I am ok. I get to do girly stuff with my daughter and seeing the world through my teen boys eyes is a gift.

DC1888 · 05/12/2023 02:26

Nofilteritwonthelp · 05/12/2023 02:05

If you felt this strongly then you shouldn't have got pregnant in the first place. I think you need therapy tbh.

Concur on needing therapy.

An innocent child, already being critically thought of by the person carrying them, their own flesh and blood. Its pretty disgusting, with the caveat being it's the thinking of someone mentally unwell so there is some mitigation.

That OP knows she's being unreasonable is a good sign, bascially "my thinking is flawed and I know it, yet am too unwell to think otherwise", it's those who counter with "its perfectly normal" to think that way....no, no it ain't normal to be disappointed in your unborn child.

randomstress · 05/12/2023 02:29

I also have boy girl twins and am delighted to have one of each. Honestly the perfect balance for me.
My boy is so easy to love and I wouldn't swap him for any girl.

DZbornak · 05/12/2023 02:44

Looks like the drunkards are all still up tonight...is that right? @BlueEyedPeanut @Nofilteritwonthelp @DC1888 The absolute and utter state of the lot of you 😄

rainbowsparkle28 · 05/12/2023 03:39

I can acknowledge it might be hard but in all honestly, please remember just how blessed you are. Your baby's sex is no guarantee of anything in the future either. Others would quite literally give anything to be where you are...

Underthesea65 · 05/12/2023 04:11

Horriblewoman · 04/12/2023 19:43

Some of us would just like to have a child….

Or for their son who died at birth to still be here

PrincessArora · 05/12/2023 05:15

Really? You’re pregnant with a healthy child, be thankful. I have no patience for this, just be pleased for the miracle of healthy life.

wiseoldcat · 05/12/2023 06:23

I've been having fertility treatment for 4 years. It baffles me that someone could be pregnant with a healthy child and be this upset about something as inconsequential as the child's sex.

OP, you are lucky to have your family and without wanting to be rude, you are actually being really irrational. When he is here you will love him every bit as much as your daughter. Be grateful for what you have.

CoalCraft · 05/12/2023 06:29

And here I am, envious of you, because I wanted at least one boy and I have two girls. Except I'm not envious, because my children are wonderful and perfect and I wouldn't change them for the world.

You'll feel the same when your son is born.

These threads are so sad. It's always boys that they're about.

terraced · 05/12/2023 06:31

PrincessArora · 05/12/2023 05:15

Really? You’re pregnant with a healthy child, be thankful. I have no patience for this, just be pleased for the miracle of healthy life.

This

AliTheMinx · 05/12/2023 06:31

This is so sad. I lost 2 babies and my son is my world. I love him with everything I have. Having a healthy baby was such a blessing and I count my blessings every day. He's now 12 and an absolute joy to be around. We have such a special bond. Please realise how lucky you are and embrace your new arrival.

Justfinking · 05/12/2023 06:40

It's good you're voicing these concerns, although I'd worry that you feel so strongly to the point you didn't want to have another baby. Although some people can be disappointed, your reaction seems quite extreme and it would be concerning if you don't change your mind when the baby comes which people are assuming you will. Please seek some professional advice

Angrycat2768 · 05/12/2023 06:41

I have 2 boys, who are wonderful. My DBro lives close to our mum and is the one who visits most often and does the most for her as a result. He is much more of a homebody than me, so stuck close to where we were brought up. I was more like my dad, who had lots of wanderlust so I ended up living all over the place and as a result live further away. My DH is closer to his mum than his sister. We live further away from her but he is the one who speaks to her every week and go to see her more often. She is always complaining to us that she hasn't heard from her daughter. Children don't come in little pink/blue boxes. As PP said don't stereotype your daughter or your son. That will only lead to disappointment when they dont' meet your expectations, and they will know it.

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