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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant with a boy and upset

524 replies

Globenew · 04/12/2023 19:25

I know IABU but I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way! I need some home truths and some advice if anyone else has felt this way.

I have a daughter already and have recently found out that pregnant with a baby boy. I feel awful about feeling this way but I am really upset. I have only ever wanted girls and so decided to stop at 1 when I got pregnant with a girl frost time.

This pregnancy caught us by surprise. I know that logically I am very lucky. But I don’t feel this way. My sister in law (we are married to brothers) has 2 daughters and we saw them at in laws on Saturday and it brought all the feelings back up again. (I have been trying to think positively and get over myself but now can’t stop thinking about it again)

I feel short changed. And like she has had it fall perfectly for her. My nieces were talking about how they’re Elsa and Anna and I felt so jealous for my DD. I also feel embarrassed because I made no secret of how happy I was to have a girl and that I didn’t want boys. So now I look a fool.

No one seems as excited about my pregnancy and I feel like if it was a girl they would be.

I am not sure if I’m making much sense but it has helped to write it out.

How can I stop feeling this way.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 04/12/2023 19:44

My sister and I hate each other if that helps. Childhood from hell with her constant bullying.
I feel your pain. Same story.

OP I hope your son never finds out how you felt "short changed" by him. I hope he never feels less than his sister.

What you are saying is ridiculous.

BakewellFart · 04/12/2023 19:44

I’ll have him if you don’t want him. Poor poor baby boy 💔

Sleepsleepsleep123 · 04/12/2023 19:45

I didn't feel as extremely as you but I did feel similarly and it lasted a while.

I know it's a cliche but boys are just lovely (as are girls) and I'm ashamed of my ignorance before.

Also my daughter and son have a very close relationship and adore each other. He calls her "my Jojo" and is always telling her things he thinks she might be interested in 🥰

NoCloudsAllowed · 04/12/2023 19:46

Notimeforaname · 04/12/2023 19:44

My sister and I hate each other if that helps. Childhood from hell with her constant bullying.
I feel your pain. Same story.

OP I hope your son never finds out how you felt "short changed" by him. I hope he never feels less than his sister.

What you are saying is ridiculous.

Same here.

My son and daughter, on the other hand, play together very nicely and are both adorable in their own ways. We do have some trouble with confusion over Volvo and vulva but that's about it!

IDontDrinkTea · 04/12/2023 19:46

Last month, I attended a scan and found my baby no longer had a heartbeat.

You seriously need to give your head a wobble OP. You’re focussing on all the wrong things

olivialennox · 04/12/2023 19:46

I made no secret of how happy I was to have a girl and that I didn’t want boys

See I find this a bit insensitive. Would it not annoy you if a friend or relative made a big point of not wanting girls/being relieved and happy to have a little boy and thank god they didn’t end up with a girl. I remember experiencing this a couple of times when I only had my DS and found it a bit tasteless for someone to say ‘Oh I’m so glad I ended up with girls imagine I had ended up boys’ knowing full well I’m stood there with my little boy. But yeah you’re right to feel a bit silly now.

That aside, trust me when your baby boy is here you will be utterly baffled at how you ever felt that way, and equally baffled at others who don’t want boys.

Temporaryname158 · 04/12/2023 19:46

You want home truths, I could really give you some if you wanted a load of expletives thrown at you.

boo hoo, it’s a boy! Poor you!

my boy is wonderful, loving, kind, climbs into bed and tells me I’m the best mummy and he loves me forever! I have a wonderful girl as well so am just as hard done by as you it seems! 🤬

get a grip. Your partner is male I presume? Is he a sloppy seconds too? Do you wish he hadn’t been born or had been born a girl?

you disgust me if I’m honest

Iam4eels · 04/12/2023 19:46

You're chockful of hormones and it's affecting your view on this, you'd imagined your DC as one thing and now you've found out they're another. It's only natural to feel a bit all over the place as that little daydream you had of two girls has been knocked on its head.

You need to just take some time to let it sink in. Go buy some little sleep suits from the boys section or a snuggly blanket to bring him home with. Start thinking about names.

If, after a week or two, you're still struggling then please speak to your midwife as your feelings can be an indicator of antenatal depression Flowers

Maireas · 04/12/2023 19:47

IDontDrinkTea · 04/12/2023 19:46

Last month, I attended a scan and found my baby no longer had a heartbeat.

You seriously need to give your head a wobble OP. You’re focussing on all the wrong things

💐this, 💯

TomatoSandwiches · 04/12/2023 19:47

With my last pregnancy they discovered the baby had a 16mm hole in his heart and couldn't find his pulmonary arteries, he only had one kidney in the wrong place and had scaring on his brain from a stroke he had in utero.

You should practice some gratitude for a healthy baby op.

Iam4eels · 04/12/2023 19:47

All the people telling OP she's disgusting, etc need to get a fucking grip of themselves. She's said she struggling, does kicking her while she's down somehow make you a better person than her?

Mumoftwo2022 · 04/12/2023 19:48

I think some of these comments are a bit out of order, though you don’t agree with her she’s obviously not in a great place mentally and this won’t be helping. OP speak to you friends your midwife about how you are feeling maybe the fact that it wasn’t a planned pregnancy could also be a factor of why you feel so rubbish but trust me once he’s here he will be your world. I hope you feel better soon don’t compare lives to others it’s really not helpful. Boys are so so loving

Temporaryname158 · 04/12/2023 19:48

She asked for home truths

Allthingsdecember · 04/12/2023 19:48

You’re giving birth to a baby who will have his own interests and personality.

I was at a play centre today and my DS and another little boy were happily twirling around in princess dresses together. My sister was obsessed with toy cars and screamed whenever my mum tried to put her in a dress. Regardless of gender, he will be himself (providing he’s allowed to freely choose what to be interested in and your not the type of mum to steer him away from anything ‘girly’).

Honestly, you’ll look back on this and wonder how you could ever have been anything other than thrilled at being pregnant with your little boy.

Pollywoddles · 04/12/2023 19:48

You are being utterly ridiculous. I don’t think I’ve ever read a more vacuous post.

Notimeforaname · 04/12/2023 19:48

We do have some trouble with confusion over Volvo and vulva but that's about it!
🤣🤣 This gets my first Internet laugh of the day .

Moonandstars90 · 04/12/2023 19:49

I have a 3 year old daughter and we originally only ever planned to have one. When I found out we were expecting baby no.2, I was worried I’d be disappointed if we weren’t having another girl. Fast forward to my little boy being born and I love him so much I could burst! I feel so lucky that he has completed our family and it’s ridiculous that I was ever worried about feeling disappointed. Also, my little girl loves having a little brother. I’m sure you’ll be exactly the same when your baby boy arrives, congratulations!

Bluebellsbells · 04/12/2023 19:49

I have one of each and they are amazing little humans. Both have the same loving, tactile, caring qualities but they both have different personalities- even though there is six years apart they are great with each other. She is ting to his yang.

I know you know this, but your baby is healthy, enjoy this new adventure, see it as a new chapter, your complete family. Don't see him as a challenge. The issue is your mindset and continuing that feeling of dissatisfaction will rub off on him if you don't control it.

I have relatives with grown up children and throughout their lives they have subtly expressed dissatisfaction in everything the boy does and put the girl on a pedestal. It's heartbreaking to witness.

And absolutely unnecessary.

Maireas · 04/12/2023 19:49

TomatoSandwiches · 04/12/2023 19:47

With my last pregnancy they discovered the baby had a 16mm hole in his heart and couldn't find his pulmonary arteries, he only had one kidney in the wrong place and had scaring on his brain from a stroke he had in utero.

You should practice some gratitude for a healthy baby op.

💐it's utterly devastating, some people I suppose just don't understand how fortunate they are.

Bluebellsbells · 04/12/2023 19:50

#ying

wineoclock90 · 04/12/2023 19:50

Ignore the awful comments. You feel how you feel. I felt how you felt but I passes. I love my little boy so much. Boys are the best ❤️

thebestinterest · 04/12/2023 19:50

Are you serious!?

wineoclock90 · 04/12/2023 19:50

It*

Letsgotitans · 04/12/2023 19:51

From someone who has lost 4 babies this year, you are being massively unreasonable. It's totally in your head that no one is excited about your pregnancy because it's a boy. I have to remind myself of all the ways that I'm incredibly lucky even after the year I've had. My suggestion would be to write down all the things that you fortunate enough to have in your life and get over this ridiculous thought.

LadyLeei · 04/12/2023 19:51

Is this actually a serious post? My sister in law was was similarly weirdly smug about having 2 girls and now one of her DDs is 16 and want to transition into being a boy 😂