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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop friends turning up yo a party they aren't invited to?

397 replies

Yomuma · 07/11/2023 07:38

DH and I have a bunch of mutual friends, including a lovely chap (let's call him "Phil")

Phil's girlfriend (who we don't know well) is organising him a birthday party. It isn't a surprise party, as Phil has apparently given her the names and numbers of those he wants there.
It sounds like a posh event, we've been asked to make food choices from a fancy menu etc. It is my DH on the chat with the invite on, but she apparently said to invite partners (so I am confident I am invited too).

The problem is, another mutual friend ("Sophie") as started up a seperate chat which includes not only some of those that are invited, but 5 poeple who are not. In fact, I'm sure Phil barely knows these 5 people at all and hasn't seen them in maybe 15 years. On this chat, Sophie has given out the details of the party, and suggested we all get an air BnB and go together. Replies have been along the lines of "thanks for the invite!" and "sounds great".

I feel like I am watching a slow motion car crash. DH says not to get involved, (I suggested he check with Phil's girlfriend / give her a heads up but he refused). I can't cope with the thought of 5 people turning up to (and paying accommodation for / travelling quite a distance to) a party they aren't invited to. The awkwardness when there is no food for them! The awkwardness when Phil is confused as to why they are there!

I have contacted 2 other invitees about this who are on Sophie's chat and they agree it is really awkward and cringe but don't want to get involved either.

AIBU to want to stop this carnage?

And how could I do it anyway without it being reaaaaallllly awkward?

OP posts:
APocketOfGooseFood · 09/11/2023 09:53

“Hello Phil and Phil’s girlfriend. I’m sorry to have to do this, but you need to know that for some mad reason, Sophie has invited Tom, Dick and Harry to your birthday meal, and they are making elaborate and expensive plans to get here from Zanzibar and Luton. I’ve tried to get Sophie to sort it out, but she doesn’t seem to have done, and I don’t want you to have anything happening to spoil your special day, so I had to let you know.”

Copy and paste this into your messaging app and send it now.

Honestly, OP, if you can’t do this simply and without relying on hints and insinuations, I despair for how you function in everyday life.

backatschool · 09/11/2023 13:22

APocketOfGooseFood · 09/11/2023 09:53

“Hello Phil and Phil’s girlfriend. I’m sorry to have to do this, but you need to know that for some mad reason, Sophie has invited Tom, Dick and Harry to your birthday meal, and they are making elaborate and expensive plans to get here from Zanzibar and Luton. I’ve tried to get Sophie to sort it out, but she doesn’t seem to have done, and I don’t want you to have anything happening to spoil your special day, so I had to let you know.”

Copy and paste this into your messaging app and send it now.

Honestly, OP, if you can’t do this simply and without relying on hints and insinuations, I despair for how you function in everyday life.

Do this.

SpeculatingRooks · 09/11/2023 13:32

I wouldn't do a copy and paste of that message- the names are all wrong

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/11/2023 15:54

SpeculatingRooks · 09/11/2023 13:32

I wouldn't do a copy and paste of that message- the names are all wrong

i think its generally accepted folk understand to edit the C&P with the correct names before sending....

sonjadog · 09/11/2023 15:57

Although it could lead to an interesting twist and tales of further confusion if she copied, pasted and sent as it is...

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/11/2023 16:07

Hahaha yeah!

Poor Phil... 'I don't even KNOW these people... do I? What was I doing 20 years ago near Zanzibar.... ohhhhhhhh.....'

APocketOfGooseFood · 09/11/2023 16:28

I know what Phil was doing 20 years ago in Zanzibar, but I’m sworn to secrecy.

ScruffMuffin · 09/11/2023 20:51

That message is perfect. Change the names and send it.

whatausername · 09/11/2023 22:18

APocketOfGooseFood · 09/11/2023 16:28

I know what Phil was doing 20 years ago in Zanzibar, but I’m sworn to secrecy.

Was it appearing on stage in a version of Annie where 85% of the cast were animals?

AproposofEverything · 09/11/2023 22:39

Deleted duplicate

AproposofEverything · 09/11/2023 22:40

whatausername · 09/11/2023 22:18

Was it appearing on stage in a version of Annie where 85% of the cast were animals?

Show quote history

That was Madagascar but it’s an easy mistake to make. I always expect King Julian to launch into ‘Tomorrow!’ 🎶

Littlehouseinthebigwoods8 · 12/11/2023 13:38

Any updates?

SD1978 · 12/11/2023 21:19

You really do seem a tad dramatic over a blokes birthday drinks........

saraclara · 13/11/2023 16:29

SD1978 · 12/11/2023 21:19

You really do seem a tad dramatic over a blokes birthday drinks........

It's hot drinks. It's a catered event.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/11/2023 17:05

If it was just ‘birthday drinks’, @SD1978, it shouldn’t be causing problems - but it is a formal, catered event, where the invited guests have had to pre-select their meals. If extra people turn up, there won’t be meals for them - it’s like being invited to a wedding and turning up with 5 extra people for the meal - the extra people won’t be in the numbers, won’t have food, and even getting them somewhere to sit will cause hassle because the tables will be set for the number of people who have been invited and have replied to say they are coming.

Can’t you see why that would cause upset and furore?

susiedaisy1912 · 13/11/2023 17:07

Op you will need to update us when the party happens.

1ittlegreen · 13/11/2023 18:10

I once went to a wedding where I barely knew the bride and groom but were mates of DP's from uni. 22 years later we are great friends but at the time the groom had a stag do abroad. The whole group of friends from uni went with him and had a blast.

2 months later the stag and uni gang had too many drinks the night before the wedding. At the church the next day they were all hungover but in great moods. The coach on the way to the reception was brilliant fun and then during the canapé and drinks reception they were reminiscing about the night before.

Then we were called into the wedding breakfast and one of the lads that had been on the stag do and there the night before couldn't find his seat. Turned out he wasn't invited. At no point during the stag, the hotel meet up the night before the wedding or at the reception had the groom or some of his closer friends bothered to tell him.

It was mortifying for the bride, the plus one the other man had brought along, him and everyone really.

I can't believe no one said anything, may be they felt it wasn't their place but by god it would have saved a lot of embarrassment for everyone.

I do think you should say something....

Thedm · 13/11/2023 18:40

1ittlegreen · 13/11/2023 18:10

I once went to a wedding where I barely knew the bride and groom but were mates of DP's from uni. 22 years later we are great friends but at the time the groom had a stag do abroad. The whole group of friends from uni went with him and had a blast.

2 months later the stag and uni gang had too many drinks the night before the wedding. At the church the next day they were all hungover but in great moods. The coach on the way to the reception was brilliant fun and then during the canapé and drinks reception they were reminiscing about the night before.

Then we were called into the wedding breakfast and one of the lads that had been on the stag do and there the night before couldn't find his seat. Turned out he wasn't invited. At no point during the stag, the hotel meet up the night before the wedding or at the reception had the groom or some of his closer friends bothered to tell him.

It was mortifying for the bride, the plus one the other man had brought along, him and everyone really.

I can't believe no one said anything, may be they felt it wasn't their place but by god it would have saved a lot of embarrassment for everyone.

I do think you should say something....

Was the groom embarrassed? That sounds like it was fully his fault. What happened?

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 13/11/2023 20:21

1ittlegreen · 13/11/2023 18:10

I once went to a wedding where I barely knew the bride and groom but were mates of DP's from uni. 22 years later we are great friends but at the time the groom had a stag do abroad. The whole group of friends from uni went with him and had a blast.

2 months later the stag and uni gang had too many drinks the night before the wedding. At the church the next day they were all hungover but in great moods. The coach on the way to the reception was brilliant fun and then during the canapé and drinks reception they were reminiscing about the night before.

Then we were called into the wedding breakfast and one of the lads that had been on the stag do and there the night before couldn't find his seat. Turned out he wasn't invited. At no point during the stag, the hotel meet up the night before the wedding or at the reception had the groom or some of his closer friends bothered to tell him.

It was mortifying for the bride, the plus one the other man had brought along, him and everyone really.

I can't believe no one said anything, may be they felt it wasn't their place but by god it would have saved a lot of embarrassment for everyone.

I do think you should say something....

Presumably the uninvited guest would have noticed he hadn't received an invitation??

Groom sounds like a dick head though for inviting someone to his stag but not the wedding.

Littlehouseinthebigwoods8 · 17/11/2023 08:58

Did they turn up to the party?!

pilates · 17/11/2023 09:06

Can we have an update op?

Sophie does sound a weird one.

Whatishedoing · 07/12/2023 21:15

Was it all ok in end @Yomuma ?

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