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AIBU?

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Original poster

To stop friends turning up yo a party they aren't invited to?

397 replies

Yomuma · 07/11/2023 07:38

DH and I have a bunch of mutual friends, including a lovely chap (let's call him "Phil")

Phil's girlfriend (who we don't know well) is organising him a birthday party. It isn't a surprise party, as Phil has apparently given her the names and numbers of those he wants there.
It sounds like a posh event, we've been asked to make food choices from a fancy menu etc. It is my DH on the chat with the invite on, but she apparently said to invite partners (so I am confident I am invited too).

The problem is, another mutual friend ("Sophie") as started up a seperate chat which includes not only some of those that are invited, but 5 poeple who are not. In fact, I'm sure Phil barely knows these 5 people at all and hasn't seen them in maybe 15 years. On this chat, Sophie has given out the details of the party, and suggested we all get an air BnB and go together. Replies have been along the lines of "thanks for the invite!" and "sounds great".

I feel like I am watching a slow motion car crash. DH says not to get involved, (I suggested he check with Phil's girlfriend / give her a heads up but he refused). I can't cope with the thought of 5 people turning up to (and paying accommodation for / travelling quite a distance to) a party they aren't invited to. The awkwardness when there is no food for them! The awkwardness when Phil is confused as to why they are there!

I have contacted 2 other invitees about this who are on Sophie's chat and they agree it is really awkward and cringe but don't want to get involved either.

AIBU to want to stop this carnage?

And how could I do it anyway without it being reaaaaallllly awkward?

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 08/11/2023 11:01

Why tell the gf leaving her to have the awkward conversation rather than telling the addons to get intouch with the gf.

Truthfully if Sophie got in touch and said Phils a party And Op got intouch and said its a sit down meal you better check with Phil or gf.

I'd probably ask Sophie what was she up to and assume I wasn't invited.

AliceOlive · 08/11/2023 12:00

Squiblet · 08/11/2023 09:39

It's Phil Collins

😁 hey Sophie, what's the dress code for the party?

No jacket required...

I heard some of the men are planning to wear a Su-Su-sussudio

GinAndJuice99 · 08/11/2023 12:11

I'm starting to wonder if this whole story was made up. Tedious if so.

Either that or the people involved have discovered the thread and the shit's hit the fan

Missushbb · 08/11/2023 13:17

i think its made up. it reads like an episode of Miranda or Not Going Out.

The100AcreWood · 08/11/2023 13:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Yomuma · 08/11/2023 14:39

Update (again!)
I was about the contact the girlfriend to give her a heads up when I thought....I will have one last tilt with Sophie. Frankly, her absolving herself of responsibility for this holy mess feels like she is getting off too lightly. So I sent her one last message, explaining it is a catered event and the organiser needs to know urgently that additional guests have been invited as she might have to say no because the venue may have a capacity limit. So please could she contact her NOW?
I waited. And waited. Then got a message back, saying "I've messaged her".
Has that sorted it? Who knows!
I am sure there will be another left field, chaotic twist to unfold, but perhaps that is just me wearing my negative knickers and I should pop on my positive pants !

OP posts:
Pipsquiggle · 08/11/2023 14:47

Well done OP for being more assertive with CF Sophie.

I would leave it now unless you totally don't trust CF Sophie giving Phil Collin's GF a truthful account of what she has done. In which case, just drop GF a whatsapp asking if Sophie had been in touch re. party.

FortofPud · 08/11/2023 14:57

That's a good update BUT I don't think it's outside the realms of possibility that Sophie has messaged the gf to say that Yomuma told me I should ask you if it's ok to invite xyz.

So I would be making absolutely gf has the facts just in case Sophie tries to drag you in.

GoingRoundInOvals · 08/11/2023 15:06

FortofPud · 08/11/2023 14:57

That's a good update BUT I don't think it's outside the realms of possibility that Sophie has messaged the gf to say that Yomuma told me I should ask you if it's ok to invite xyz.

So I would be making absolutely gf has the facts just in case Sophie tries to drag you in.

This 👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Mommabearof8 · 08/11/2023 15:08

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Xiaoxiong · 08/11/2023 15:15

Stop troll-hunting @Mommabearof8 - it's so tedious, just report if you think it's a troll.

I agree - you still need to contact the gf or you might get the blame if it comes out in future that you knew about Sophie inviting randomers and didn't say anything. You don't want to be implicated in gatecrashing AND I wouldn't trust Sophie to be fully transparent while messaging the gf.

Did she send you what she sent to the gf? Bet she didn't...

Irregardless · 08/11/2023 15:20

So now you will end up getting the blame.

rainbowstardrops · 08/11/2023 15:55

So instead of messaging Phil's girlfriend and getting a definitive answer on whether she ok'd the invites to the extr people, you've contacted Sophie yet again and are still none the wiser.
What a load of drama that could so easily have been sorted days ago 🙄

sonjadog · 08/11/2023 16:38

If I were Phil's girlfriend, I really would prefer to sort out the party I am planning on my own, not have someone's girlfriend manage it for me behind my back. She might think Sophie is odd after this, OP, but she may also well put you down as an interfering busybody. I would suggest you try not to manage other people's business, but let them do it themselves.

Mirabai · 08/11/2023 16:42

Yomuma · 08/11/2023 14:39

Update (again!)
I was about the contact the girlfriend to give her a heads up when I thought....I will have one last tilt with Sophie. Frankly, her absolving herself of responsibility for this holy mess feels like she is getting off too lightly. So I sent her one last message, explaining it is a catered event and the organiser needs to know urgently that additional guests have been invited as she might have to say no because the venue may have a capacity limit. So please could she contact her NOW?
I waited. And waited. Then got a message back, saying "I've messaged her".
Has that sorted it? Who knows!
I am sure there will be another left field, chaotic twist to unfold, but perhaps that is just me wearing my negative knickers and I should pop on my positive pants !

Edited

The next twist is predictable: Sophie didn’t actually message her or the gf didn’t get the message. The only person you actually needed to contact was the gf.

Mirabai · 08/11/2023 16:44

sonjadog · 08/11/2023 16:38

If I were Phil's girlfriend, I really would prefer to sort out the party I am planning on my own, not have someone's girlfriend manage it for me behind my back. She might think Sophie is odd after this, OP, but she may also well put you down as an interfering busybody. I would suggest you try not to manage other people's business, but let them do it themselves.

Yep.

So afraid to intervene she can’t speak to gf, yet very much over-stepped the mark with Sophie.

It’s all very odd.

TheresaCrowd · 08/11/2023 16:56

Yomuma · 08/11/2023 14:39

Update (again!)
I was about the contact the girlfriend to give her a heads up when I thought....I will have one last tilt with Sophie. Frankly, her absolving herself of responsibility for this holy mess feels like she is getting off too lightly. So I sent her one last message, explaining it is a catered event and the organiser needs to know urgently that additional guests have been invited as she might have to say no because the venue may have a capacity limit. So please could she contact her NOW?
I waited. And waited. Then got a message back, saying "I've messaged her".
Has that sorted it? Who knows!
I am sure there will be another left field, chaotic twist to unfold, but perhaps that is just me wearing my negative knickers and I should pop on my positive pants !

Edited

I am sure there will be another left field, chaotic twist to unfold

Yeah, can pretty much guarantee it 🙄🙄

gannett · 08/11/2023 17:05

I don't understand why, having established that Sophie is a chaotic and unreliable individual, you'd then continue to go through her rather than actually sorting this out in a straightforward way. OP is absolutely revelling in her role right now.

Original poster
Yomuma · 08/11/2023 17:09

It's because I have known Sophie for many years so easier to be a bit more pushy (ended up being a bit blunt through frustration!) ...but I don't actually know the gf at all (don't even have her number on my phone)

OP posts:
TWETMIRF · 08/11/2023 17:25

If it turns out that Sophie hasn't messaged GF then OP has a text saying that she has. When things try to get blamed on OP, she can turn around and honestly say that she thought it was sorted as Sophie had contacted GF. Just make sure you don't delete the message and you can prove it. Not your problem what happens from now on but I'd probably leave that extra group if I were you

Mommabearof8 · 08/11/2023 17:49

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EmmaEmerald · 08/11/2023 18:32

Yomuma · 08/11/2023 17:09

It's because I have known Sophie for many years so easier to be a bit more pushy (ended up being a bit blunt through frustration!) ...but I don't actually know the gf at all (don't even have her number on my phone)

Oh, you've known her a long time?

is she normally okay? Because here she sounds like a troublemaker.

ChimChimeny · 08/11/2023 21:23

Fair enough you don’t know the girlfriend but presumably you know the other people in the Sophie group chat so could have messaged in there saying it’s invite only, soz you’re not invited blah blah

Catsfrontbum · 08/11/2023 22:11

Bloody hell. Juts speak to Phil.

ScruffMuffin · 09/11/2023 07:37

But presumably Phil doesn't know about these extra guests that he didn't invite!

Just pick up the phone and speak to Phil. Honestly!! I don't see what that's so hard.