Lucky or hard working?

[widowtwankywashroom]

Me and my husband are both 50+ we don't have primary aged children and I will preface this by saying we did have very hands on grandparents when our children were younger
We have both worked extremely hard, I am a nurse, so have done my fair share of weekends, nights, late finishes and early starts, my husband is a hard worker ( not physical ) but he puts in the hours and he has been well rewarded
We paid our mortgage off early due to always paying in extra - would forgo a night out to pay and extra £50 etc and me working extra shifts in Covid
Through good planning and using lots of interest free credit card deals we managed to get away 4 times this year and already have 4 holidays booked next year
My mum always says its because I am lucky - I don't think I am - I left school with 2 GCSE and have worked my arse off to get where I am and so has my husband
So is it luck or just hard bloody work
No one has ever said I am lucky doing a 12 hr shift in A&E or ICU on a Sunday
No one has ever said I am lucky going out on a night shift

Sorry can't answer that as I'm not an expert in it . I just comment from my own experience. My point was that paying off a mortgage seems to annoy some people . I've seen it on other threads and the threads weren't even about mortgages ! .

What is 'hard work' anyway?

This is an example from real life: on maternity leave, wishing to change job for a more local higher paid one. Suffering from PTSD due to 3 months old baby suffering from severe colic. Husband working FT and commuting for 2 hours mornings and evenings so not able to help much.

It's Friday 3pm. Your baby is crying, your 2 years old is whining. You are sleep deprived and can't want for next day hoping to get a little bit of rest. You're on the phone and see an email from Indeed that list tour ideal job in everyway. The problem is that it asked for experience in the sector which you don't have, although you have transferable skills. The response is via an application form, so not just a case of sending your CV. It would take about to hours to complete. The closing date is today at 5pm.

The question is? Who would decide that however harrowing the prospect of applying for the low chance of getting this job would still do it in the next 2 hours vs how many would think that they can't face it and that it was not worth the effort?

This was me and I got the job. Yes, I was lucky it was advertised. I was also lucky that the other candidates didn't shine at the interview. However, it demanded great efforts to apply (I was actually crying through exhaustion as I dud it) and I spent hours learning about the industry and preparing for interview questions.

There is always an element of luck in every success, but what really makes the difference is the effort, dedication and commitment you chose to put into it.

There is always an element of luck in every success, but what really makes the difference is the effort, dedication and commitment you chose to put into it.

Which is pretty much what everyone is saying.....

We have both worked extremely hard, I am a nurse, so have done my fair share of weekends, nights, late finishes and early starts, my husband is a hard worker ( not physical ) but he puts in the hours and he has been well rewarded

You are a nurse and your OH is a Hard worker at whatever.

Think about this for 1 minute.

Scenario A -

You got the place to train as a nurse out of many applicants
You had support whilst training
You applied for jobs and got hired out of many applicants

Your parents were good and supportive parents

If your OH went to uni, he got a place when many didn't
Your OH got the job out of many applicants

If you hadn't met your OH, you'd be elsewhere

Your parents helped raise your kids

Your kids didn't need you to give up everything to care for them

You've had the physical and mental health to be a nurse into to your 50s

Now consider this:

Scenario B

You didn't get the place to train as a nurse out of many applicants

You applied for jobs and didn't get hired out of many applicants

Your parents don't sound like good and supportive parents

If your OH wanted to go to uni but his application came second so he couldn't go

Your OH didn't get the job out of many applicants

You didn't meet your OH, you met an abusive charmer that conned you out of everything

Your parents couldn't help raise your kids

Your kid needed you to give up everything to care for them as they were born severely disabled

You've had physical and mental health problems for the last 20 years

Now ask:

With the equal amount of hard work put into both Scenario A & Scenario B

Which would have lead to a greater success in life?

Hard work gets you so far, without luck of birth, of health, of connections, it won't amount to a hill of piss.

It's usually a matter of perspective:
You're lucky (as is everyone else who has done better than me), but
I'm hardworking.

It sounds like what offends you is the idea it is ALL luck when that dismisses your hard work. Presumably you wouldn't mind the idea that some of it is hard work work and some of it is luck?

I always think it's a mix of the two I work hard to get what I want and I'm lucky not to experience the continuous set backs that some people have that allows me to work hard

It sounds like what offends you is the idea it is ALL luck when that dismisses your hard work. Presumably you wouldn't mind the idea that some of it is hard work work and some of it is luck?
What is offending is that luck is even brought up when luck is always an element so why mention it in the first place instead of just recognising the impact that the hard work has had.

@vivainsomnia why does it offend you so much?

@vivainsomnia but luck does vary too so of course it's relevant, same as the amount of hard work. For instance, I have friends who are lucky enough to have grandparent help with childcare and it's saved them a fortune, I was lucky enough to get help with a house deposit which is probably worth about the same as the childcare help, some people got both or neither.

luck is always an element so why mention it in the first place instead of just recognising the impact that the hard work has had.

Luck can be an element. Hard work can be an element. Both can be mentioned!

Someone above said it's amazing how offended people get when you attribute any part of their success to luck.
This may be true in some cases; however, it's equally true that many deny that they might have been better off if they'd worked harder or made different choices. My father has a saying: 'the harder you work, the luckier you get'!
I worked like a dog at secondary school - very little social life; pretty miserable actually but got me what I wanted grade wise and same at uni. Work in my 20s / early 30s was succession of late nights, working weekends and cancelled holidays ... but we're very financially comfortable now and life is much easier. Some family members and other acquaintances who had time of their lives in their youth sacrificed academic and career security for that fun. It's a trade- off.

Because if you don't/won't acknowledge the part that luck had to play in your own success, you stop being able to recognise how it impacts other people's lives. You stop recognising that the playing field isn't level. If you feel that acknowledging your luck diminishes your achievements, they weren't anything to celebrate in the first place.

Honestly, it's luck. You're generation and the generation above yours have been incredibly lucky. Mostly, wealth has been unearned through rising housing cost. You've been able to buy your house and you're probably lucky in your marriage. You are far far luckier than the same "hard worker, 2 GCSEs" person starting now. But you go ahead and think it's because you have worked harder than others. Part of the reason there is so much intergenerational upset.

Oh and I'm you're age. Have considerably more than 2 GCSEs and don't think I necessarily deserve the ample I have because I worked harder. I'm lucky!

Sorry, your generation

Another voice saying a combination of luck and hard work.

My bad luck was the death of a parent when I was 8. So no one to help with childcare. Childcare cost me over £75,000 over a period of 15 years.

So we've worked hard to pay for something you had the luck to have within the family.

DH and I have had to financially support parents and siblings.

I've had some ill health, thankfully always able to work.

Nothing wrong with it being both!

Because shit happens. My mum died suddenly. My Dad floundered for years. They'd have stayed married (happy and in love) if she hadn't died suddenly.

Because if you don't/won't acknowledge the part that luck had to play in your own success, you stop being able to recognise how it impacts other people's lives. You stop recognising that the playing field isn't level. If you feel that acknowledging your luck diminishes your achievements, they weren't anything to celebrate in the first place
Expecting to focus on your hard work on a particular achievement doesn't mean you don't acknowledge an element of luck though.

Someone's success doesn't have to negatively affect others unless they decide to compare themselves directly with the successful person. Is it about the successful person need to recognise their food luck or the other person needing to focus on their lack of luck to explain why they might not be as successful at that time?

It matters because we live in a society. If you don't recognise that your success is the result of a hefty dose of luck alongside your hard work and believe it was hard work alone, you tend to start to minimise the barriers that other people face. That in turn tends to influence how you see other people, and influences your attitudes to the amount of help that others might need. We see it in political debate all the time. The idea that unemployment/disability benefits should be reduced as low as possible to encourage people to work, for example. Proponents of a reduction in state benefits almost always cite their own hard work to justify why those on benefits should get less. They fail to acknowledge the barriers that prevent people from reaching the same success. If you point out the difficulties someone might have that prevents them from working/working as much, they'll often say "I didn't mean people like you", because until it is pointed out to them they don't recognise those barriers exist.

I can relate this, my and my wife started a vape distribution company in 2016 with £6,800 from an old friend of mine who invested in that company for 42% shares at the beginning, now that company turns over close to £79 million a year and we feel extremely blessed, however it’s been hard work and headaches all the way.

Hard working and frugal of course.
That's not luck at all. Within the parameters that was your social context you went out and worked hard.

Luck would be if you had won the lottery.

Your dm is envious and trying to put you down a peg or 2. So many women love to do this to other women. 😐

We learned never to talk money with friends or family that’s the best tip I can ever give.