Lucky or hard working?

[widowtwankywashroom]

Me and my husband are both 50+ we don't have primary aged children and I will preface this by saying we did have very hands on grandparents when our children were younger
We have both worked extremely hard, I am a nurse, so have done my fair share of weekends, nights, late finishes and early starts, my husband is a hard worker ( not physical ) but he puts in the hours and he has been well rewarded
We paid our mortgage off early due to always paying in extra - would forgo a night out to pay and extra £50 etc and me working extra shifts in Covid
Through good planning and using lots of interest free credit card deals we managed to get away 4 times this year and already have 4 holidays booked next year
My mum always says its because I am lucky - I don't think I am - I left school with 2 GCSE and have worked my arse off to get where I am and so has my husband
So is it luck or just hard bloody work
No one has ever said I am lucky doing a 12 hr shift in A&E or ICU on a Sunday
No one has ever said I am lucky going out on a night shift

Maybe my interpretation of luck differs
Yes I'm lucky not to have been born in a war zone, my children are healthy, my marriage is happy
To me luck would be winning the lottery 😁

But nobody is saying that it is purely down to luck.
I study and teach this for a living and the acknowledged consensus is that career development is combination of planning, hard work and chance.

Thank you for all your responses
Great debate

Maybe re-frame it and use the word 'chance' instead. It's less loaded as a word I feel.

@widowtwankywashroom i think it was luck that you had such supportive parents that were so great with the children to allow you to work extra to be in the situation you are. I also think you deserve everything you are now getting as you have worked hard but don't ever forget who supported you to allow this. Enjoy your holiday and living mortgage free xxx

As others have said, it’s both but the fact that you can’t acknowledge your good fortune is quite telling.

Me and my friend were both bright kids from working class families, both our parents were divorced. My friend’s mum had remarried and so she was still part of dual income household with her dad nearby, also in a dual income house. My mum was a single parent with minimal support from my dad. My friend was lucky because she didn’t grow up with the same financial struggles that I watched my mum dealing with, her mum was able to work part time and support her and her brother, make sure she did her homework. They didn’t have the same financial woes.

We both got good GCSEs and A-Levels. At university, her mum got cancer and died. She dropped out of university and took a minimum wage job in a call centre. I stayed at university and got my degree. I worked hard in my first graduate job, I worked long hours, I had a long commute. I worked longer hours than my friend but I was in a graduate role and working my way up. Had my friend’s mum not got cancer and died, she might have still dropped out of uni but she might not have. She met her husband in her minimum wage job. I met my husband at university. 10 years down the line, my husband and I are in a much better financial position. Yes we worked harder in our early career but I wouldn’t say we work harder now. We still work hard but so does my friend and her husband. I got lucky that my mum didn’t get cancer and die. I got lucky that I met my husband at university and therefore had a higher earning potential when settled into his career.

My husband and I have got lucky with our employers that allow flexible working, allowing us to manage childcare (which you had help with, at least for the first). If DH employer wasn’t flexible, I wouldn’t be able to do my job and I’d likely have to take a part time role to facilitate childcare, which would impact our overall financial position. You’re lucky that you had help with childcare, even if only for one, because it costs us £1200 a month for nursery. It’s easy to overpay the mortgage when you bought 25 years at a much cheaper price and have £1200 a month spare.

Maybe I should have made it clearer
When I was nursing and doing extra shifts etc especially during COVID it was my husband doing the school runs not grandparents

'Oh, you are so lucky' is another way of saying 'that's lovely' or 'I'm happy for you.'. It doesn't mean you don't deserve them.

Also, I'm surprised that anybody would go on 4 holidays a year and not think to themselves how lucky they were.

Sound hars working Op, well done and best of luck to you. Don't let your mums comment get to you, my mum says things like that because back in her day it was more luck but you make your own opportunities now. And it sounds like you have:)

Can't reply to everyone but I am reading

That's not what she's saying at all...

And it was lucky for your household that your husband’s ability to work from
home could facilitate that.

Go on then @SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs explain to me exactly what the OP is saying?

I think my mum worries more about my brother and his precarious situation.
He's made poor choices and then says it's down to luck I'm settled??

And it was lucky for your household that your husband’s ability to work from
home could facilitate that.

Absolutely. I spoke with key workers who had to quit their jobs because their partners higher paid work couldn't facilitate childcare/home school and their school would only allow children to attend if both parents were key workers.

I see a lot of people who take take take, never have or ever will work a day in their lives

Just to be clear - the OP said the above about her patients.

The contempt is dripping from her.

Ah.

So really, you're irked and insecure because your mummy isn't praising you for being the best child?

This childish determination to put your hands over your eyes and scream you've not had any good luck at all, oh no, it's all YOUR very excellent clever decisions - just boils down to peevish fragility borne from sibling rivalry.

Got it.

A bit of both. Yes you work hard, so do lots of people. Banging on about "how bloody hard" you work and refusing to recognise aspects of good fortune just makes you sound smug.

Having "hands on grandparents" is really lucky - we've had no help from grandparents so have paid around £12000+ a year in childcare when the kids were in nursery, obviously it would have been "lucky" to be able to put that into savings or mortgage.
Also being able to buy your house 25 years ago - you mentioned something about house prices all being relative...I mean you don't really mean that do you? Houses are way more relative to earnings than they were 25 years ago. So another example of good fortune, being born at the right time!

@widowtwankywashroom its still lucky that your husband's situation with work allowed this. I work full time as does my husband. We've had a mortgage for 20 years that we've gone without things to overpay and just as life was getting easier my little boy got brain cancer, my cars and caravan got burnt in a random arson attack and my dad got dementia. So I'd say I've been unlucky and your lucky. The word means so many meanings behind it and I'm sure your mum just meant you've got a lot to be thankful for which you have, I wouldn't give it a second thought and just enjoy your luck/hard work/ blessings

Mainly luck that you were able to buy an affordable house. I bought my house 17 years ago and it was going off the chain then whereas friends who bought 4-5 years before us did really well. People nowadays are utterly screwed and all the hard work in the world won't get them mortgage free and loads of holidays.

I've worked really hard, paid off my mortgage and take at least 5 holidays a year (some UK). But despite all the late finishes and weekends working I know I'm just very very lucky.

Lucky that he then worked til late at night to read contracts, make improvements
Worked weekend
Lucky or just a professional who manages his own time

I'm going in the bath
I'll catch up later or in the morning
I'm not ignoring you all or flouncing

I fucking hate this narrative. It's both, plus fortunate circumstances too. You could work lots, no disabilities, issue withs kids, being a carer etc.

Showing gratitude for your good fortune doesn't take away your hard work it's quite unpleasant you don't seem to recognise your privlidge and good fortune though. Also many people work hard and still don't have the things you have.

Also look at income vs house prices over decades. Compared to people in their 20s and 30s you've be pretty lucky.

I think it's both. I think I am lucky. Both DH & I work hard and have done quite well. Not to the point of mortgage paid off but decent hols, pay the bills, got savings etc. Older parents but reasonably healthy. However I also have a lovely friend who works hard, is the nicest person and she just has bad luck. Illness for herself and DH, several redundancies, family bereavement etc. She just keeps going but it feels like it's constant for her.