Lucky or hard working?

[widowtwankywashroom]

Me and my husband are both 50+ we don't have primary aged children and I will preface this by saying we did have very hands on grandparents when our children were younger
We have both worked extremely hard, I am a nurse, so have done my fair share of weekends, nights, late finishes and early starts, my husband is a hard worker ( not physical ) but he puts in the hours and he has been well rewarded
We paid our mortgage off early due to always paying in extra - would forgo a night out to pay and extra £50 etc and me working extra shifts in Covid
Through good planning and using lots of interest free credit card deals we managed to get away 4 times this year and already have 4 holidays booked next year
My mum always says its because I am lucky - I don't think I am - I left school with 2 GCSE and have worked my arse off to get where I am and so has my husband
So is it luck or just hard bloody work
No one has ever said I am lucky doing a 12 hr shift in A&E or ICU on a Sunday
No one has ever said I am lucky going out on a night shift

There is ALWAYS luck involved in success and it would do anyone who thinks the contrary good to reflect on that and be humble. No one is saying you don't work hard, but it takes a very fragile ego to not be able to recognise and be thankful for the advantages they've had.

Examples of luck, ie things out of your control, many people with success forget about: (not saying they/we have all of these!!)

• having parents that love you, and a mostly good childhood
• having the health to "work hard"
• accessing education, and having the ability and support to utilise it.
• having successful relationships that support raising children
• having children in good health without additional needs
• having family and friends around that support
• being white
• being born in the UK

By no means exhaustive.

It's both.

Most people have to work bloody hard in order to be successful, but hard work alone is not enough... there are plenty of very hard workers who are struggling. The difference is down to luck. You're kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

I think it’s generally always a bit of both.

Lots of people work very hard but life deals them shit hands and they always struggle.

I consider us fortunate for many reasons. We work really hard but there are elements of good fortune, timing and luck.

Because you met someone who didn't change into someone who was impossible to live with. Not only has he been able/capable of working from home, but he's been a decent parent who has been in good enough health, physically and mentally. I'm your age, I've been widowed, my current partner's ex developed an aggressive life limiting condition. Likewise your children didn't have complex conditions etc which would have meant time off/out of work/study. You must see incredibly unlucky people and their carers everyday. My youngest is an incredibly hard worker, but has autism and LD's, she one of your catering staff. I'd be interested in how you think of your support staff from HCAs to the cleaner, do they not work hard, but luck has led them somewhere else, especially the younger ones, job wise?

I was thinking of this thread this morning after posting last night.

I've actually changed my mind. It all sounds like a series of fortunate events and timings

You are lucky OP.

To me luck is winning the lottery not a series of choices.

Does the word chance work better?

I can't help the fact I was born into the UK and not a war zone, I can't help interest rates were different when I bought, but what I/we did was make a conscious effort to buy a smaller house, to not buy anything on credit, to save up/ to not have the latest gadgets etc

As I've said success is a combination of chance, attitude and hard work. What you e just describe here is chance and attitude.

You still needed to work hard but chance dictated where you were born, when you were born and interest rates ( unless you directly had an impact?) and attitude dictated your approach to saving.
Chance meant you met someone with the same outlook as you.

Hard work meant you made the most of the above.

Think about all those people who lost their jobs or whose businesses failed due to the pandemic..... did they just not work hard enough?

Loads of people could have 4 holidays if they stuck it on a card.

Not lucky, just worked for it.

Yes, good example. Also, by the same token, how about the 3 million who were excluded from covid grants - that really was a matter of "bad luck" as Sunak made up random rules as to who qualified and who didn't. It really was just "luck" that some people got tens of thousands in grants and others with VERY similar businesses got zilch! That really does show how "luck" comes into it!

I wonder what people who prescribe their success only to hard work are like in real life; I expect them to be quite insular, self-involved, entitled, probably in poor mental health (it has been shown how important gratitude is to perspective and mental well-being). Probably creating the same sense of entitlement on their children and perhaps some unobtainable expectations on them? Heaven forbid they're not successful, it'll all be down to their laziness. It's very sad really, but easy to change with the right mindset.

@Badbadbunny exactly.
How anyone can look at the pandemic and not think luck played a part on how you experienced it.

I’ve not read all the replies but this used to make me nuts. My mum would be alll like ‘oh you’re so lucky to live here’ and I’m like, er no. I decided what I wanted and I went out and made it happen. It wasn’t luck , it was sheer hard work and determination.

Life is what you make it, to some extent, but luck with a good marriage, good health with adults and children, and good support, also pay a huge part.

Health, disability and death can change life in a heartbeat, so best not to get too smug.🙂

I was in OPs position a year or two ago - them my husband became disabled and recently died.

Is that luck? I don't feel very lucky, although I've got the home we worked for.

This

Perhaps 'good fortune' if 'luck' is framed as a lottery win or somesuch. Good fortune to be born into a supportive family in a prosperous country. Good fortune to be able to draw on intelligence. Good fortune not to have a disability. Good fortune not to have an addictive personality.

Of course, hard work too, but it isn't binary.

But luck ( or chance) will have played a part at some point in you life.
Doesn't mean you didn't work hard or make good choices.

It's a mixture of hard work and luck

In the OP case if she hadn't worked hard she wouldn't be in the position she is in

• so hard work matters

But someone who worked as hard may not have achieved the position if the luck didn't hold out

And sometimes you can maximise your chances through smart choices - like pension savings perhaps or which employer you work for , which degree you study for - but the word chance shows that even there it's much luck, and sone of the luck is in the genes you are born with

But it's not all luck and most people who succeed will have worked hard ( as will most people who feel they have failed )

it's certainly more luck than most politicians admit

But if you believe it's all luck you are much less likely to do well and you won't work hard and so maximise your chances

You seem to frame the question rather myopically only in terms of things you can control, and also seem to be quite focused on positive self-comparison (e.g. you deflected the comment about witnessing harrowing ill-health by talking about entitled people). It comes across as an emotionally/ psychologically avoidant position- that you need to feel in control, that your life is good because you made it good and so it won't go to shit because you wouldn't allow that.

I feel lucky daily that I have a good marriage, healthy children, the physical and mental abilities that I have, that I was raised with love, that I leave in peace and prosperity. All those things have a massive bearing on my ability to make decisions and take actions that perpetuate the good life that I have. I also often feel fearful of losing those things.

This is something I’ve considered a lot recently.

It doesn’t just have to be one or the other, but I relate to the frustration of hard work and sacrifice being perceived as luck.

I hear people saying this when the other has something they don’t have. I too get this from my mum re holidays etc, and I hear her say it about others her age who have better retirement circumstances.

I’ve worked really hard for what I have, and sacrificed other things to get here.

Im lucky that I haven’t had any serious illness or any really difficult circumstances to navigate. So the absence of certain barriers has been down to luck.

But the job I have and promotions I’ve earned isn’t down to luck. If it was - why bother trying at all? I make myself uncomfortable on a daily basis to earn these things.

I have more disposable income than my mum did at this age, and some others, because my partner and I have so far been unable to start a family despite trying very hard. So I do not consider myself lucky. I’d rather have less money, and children.

I can't imagine how fragile your ego must be to live a comfortable life and feel deflated if the people around you don't attribute it solely to working hard.

We have a fairly easy run of things now. We know how hard we have worked and we have enough imagination to know how bad luck could quickly unravel it all.

But the job I have and promotions I’ve earned isn’t down to luck. If it was - why bother trying at all? I make myself uncomfortable on a daily basis to earn these things.

Of course you've earned these promotions, nobody is saying that acknowledging that luck and chance play a part means that you haven't worked hard.

I agree with the sentiment of 'luck' although I'd rather refer to it as 'fortunate circumstances', but I really don't agree with this Lots of people work very hard but life deals them shit hands and they always struggle

I don't think lots of people work very hard. It's human nature to try to get as much as possible doing as little as possible and to prioritise instant gratification over investments.

I do believe that fortunate circumstances are triggered by how we decide to invest our energy, time, and intellect.

If you want to finish a marathon, you have to start somewhere. Some will not even contemplate it from the start. Others will give it a go and give up when they realise the commitments required for very slow progress. Then you will have those who will face the hardship, keep going even when the reward seem very far away, who will go for that run after work, in the rain, exhausted for a long day. That person will be the one to cross that finish line. Yes, they will have benefited from fortunate circumstances, no injuries along the way, a supportive partner, good running shoes, but ultimately, it will be their tenacity that will separate them to the majority who won't bother to even try or those who will give up because they will deem that the investment to get there is not worth it for them.

It's absolutely luck, or good fortune that has allowed you to work hard.

I have had a chronic illness and disability since my early teens (now mid 50s). I have always tried to work hard but my body has always let me down. Managed to get through a 4 year degree with a lot of help. Managed to get a job using said degree. Started full time, no thanks said my body... dropped to part time ...still too much said my body. On the employment scrap heap by my early 40s.

None of this was because I haven't worked hard. In fact I could argue that I worked harder than many of my contemporaries because of my physical struggles and resultant mental strain.

Btw it may sound like I am bitter but I am really not. I have had plenty of good luck too - have a wonderful DH and DC.

As a nurse I am surprised (or disappointed) that you cannot see that many of us have not had the "luck" to have a healthy mind or body. However hard we work (or don't) our situation is not one that we have brought on ourselves.

I was born in a first world country in the second half of the 20th century. I reckon that makes me luckier than 99% of all humans who have ever lived.

It's absolutely luck, or good fortune that has allowed you to work hard
I don't agree. Some are dealt with 'bad luck' that have hold them back despite their investment, but it doesn't mean the others got there purely through luck.

Also, success is personal. It's about personal achievement. It sounds to me like you've indeed achieved a lot under your circumstances and you fall in the category of successful people.