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Original poster

Lucky or hard working?

247 replies

widowtwankywashroom · 31/10/2023 18:45

Me and my husband are both 50+ we don't have primary aged children and I will preface this by saying we did have very hands on grandparents when our children were younger
We have both worked extremely hard, I am a nurse, so have done my fair share of weekends, nights, late finishes and early starts, my husband is a hard worker ( not physical ) but he puts in the hours and he has been well rewarded
We paid our mortgage off early due to always paying in extra - would forgo a night out to pay and extra £50 etc and me working extra shifts in Covid
Through good planning and using lots of interest free credit card deals we managed to get away 4 times this year and already have 4 holidays booked next year
My mum always says its because I am lucky - I don't think I am - I left school with 2 GCSE and have worked my arse off to get where I am and so has my husband
So is it luck or just hard bloody work
No one has ever said I am lucky doing a 12 hr shift in A&E or ICU on a Sunday
No one has ever said I am lucky going out on a night shift

OP posts:
Littlemissfiggy · 01/11/2023 09:25

In terms of what I can control, I'd say I work hard and have success with this.

In terms of what I can't control, poor health, terrible parents/childhood, raising my own family with no support network, I've been unlucky. None of my choices or actions could have changed the impact these have had on my starting point in life and ability to "work hard". I could have worked harder at school in my home life wasn't so shit. If I didn't leave home at 16 and just have to take a job to pay the bills, no doubt I could have worked harder at getting ahead.

I was lucky that pre kids I was able to work hard enough to build stable foundations despite those issues.

If my health had been what it is now back then, I wouldn't have been able to do it. So that's luck.

People can be ridiculous though. So many people have told me I'm lucky while not having the life challenges i do/have had simply based on my family income.

I've worked hard, but had the luck, natural disposition and drive to do so. Not everyone has that privilege or ability.

aswarmofmidges · 01/11/2023 09:43

People find it rude or upsetting when people dismiss everything they have done as just good luck and not acknowledging the blood sweat and tears that was needed to capitalise on that luck

Farmageddon · 01/11/2023 09:44

OP I think the comment about your brother and the fact that these statements have come from your own mother are a bigger part of why this is bothering you.

Someone else alluded to this but you just dismissed it, however I think there is something there about sibling rivalry and wanting your mothers approval for what you feel you have achieved in life versus how your siblings have fared.

She probably does look at your brother through rose tinted glasses, but he is her son, she's not going to admit he's a fuck up - and if you have children you will presumably love them all the same no matter what their achievements, it's not a competition.

Aside from family dynamics, it's weird that you just refuse to acknowledge that luck or good fortune played any part in your success - it doesn't take away from the fact that you worked hard and earned what you have. Just enjoy it and be happy.

ElaineMBenes · 01/11/2023 09:46

aswarmofmidges · 01/11/2023 09:43

People find it rude or upsetting when people dismiss everything they have done as just good luck and not acknowledging the blood sweat and tears that was needed to capitalise on that luck

Are people saying it's all down to luck though?
I think most people realise it's a combination of things.

LittleVampireDucky · 01/11/2023 09:47

You need luck to be successful and for things to go well no matter what you do (Sometimes being lucky means things NOT going horribly wrong.) That doesn't mean that you aren't hard working or smart or don't deserve what you've got. It doesn't mean you have't ever had it hard or haven't had problems that you have overcome. It doesn't meant you didn't work for it. It just means that of all the million terrible things that have gone wrong thankfully didn't or at least not to the extent to undo your hard work. It doesn't take anything away from you or from what you have achieved to say that you have been lucky.

For some people things unfortunately do go wrong in spite of how hard working they are and I think it's important to be aware of that. I really wish you well and I hope things continue to go well for you but if you hit any trouble and maybe can't afford all your holidays anymore would you say it's because you have stopped being hard working?

entropynow · 01/11/2023 09:48

FrankiJ95 · 31/10/2023 18:49

Hard work! And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise x

What a rigid and unhelpful comment. It's a combination, ALWAYS. Plenty of hardworking people get made redundant, business goes under due to suppliers defaulting, etc etc.

LittleMG · 01/11/2023 09:49

Someone else could work equally as hard and not get anywhere. You are hard working but you are also lucky. To say it was all your hard work is a bit insulting to people who work hard but can’t get a leg up.

entropynow · 01/11/2023 09:50

aswarmofmidges · 01/11/2023 09:43

People find it rude or upsetting when people dismiss everything they have done as just good luck and not acknowledging the blood sweat and tears that was needed to capitalise on that luck

I don't. Largely because we've had some horrendous bad, and some good, luck, and know full well that despite working very, very hard it could easily have been weighed all one way.

jammysmol · 01/11/2023 10:16

I think its a bit of both sure you worked hard but you were also lucky in lots of ways. Plenty of people work really hard and still end up in the shit due to unforeseen circumstances. Our mortgage is paid off and we are pretty comfortable at the moment, sure we have worked hard and made lots of sacrifices but I don't take it for granted or feel smug about it because I know only too well that the worst can happen totally unexpectedly.

justteanbiscuits · 01/11/2023 10:26

I'm turning 50 and consider myself very lucky to have been born at a time I could buy affordable housing and benefit from a soaring housing market, so by making a few sensible choices, was able to pay off my mortgage in my early 40's.

So yes, while sensible decisions and hardwork have added to it, I consider myself very lucky to have been born in the early 70's rather than the 90's.

Spermscarecrow · 01/11/2023 11:15

I think it's an attitude lately that noone is allowed to be proud of achievement in their life , I'm not talking about million pound houses and flash holidays I'm talking about just getting by and being happy with that . The " oh it's alright for some" old chestnut . Winning the lottery is lucky , falling into the road and a bus narrowly missing you is lucky . Working 14 hour shifts every day to save for a house living on next to nothing to do it ... Is hard work .

Burnoutwhat · 01/11/2023 12:40

Spermscarecrow · 01/11/2023 11:15

I think it's an attitude lately that noone is allowed to be proud of achievement in their life , I'm not talking about million pound houses and flash holidays I'm talking about just getting by and being happy with that . The " oh it's alright for some" old chestnut . Winning the lottery is lucky , falling into the road and a bus narrowly missing you is lucky . Working 14 hour shifts every day to save for a house living on next to nothing to do it ... Is hard work .

I think most people are saying its both and I'm not sure many are saying op should not be proud of achievements or hard work. It's a bit hyperbolic to imply they are. I think pp's are just saying that a) may peopwork hard and don't have these things and b) op should recognise her good fortune as well as hard work.

howshouldibehave · 01/11/2023 12:53

Working 14 hour shifts every day to save for a house living on next to nothing to do it…Is hard work

Being able to afford to buy a house in the 90s unlike so many young people can now, is lucky.

We did it-we bought a house which was probably worth 3x DH salary I’m the late 90s. We are lucky that interest rates were low for years so we could pay the mortgage off.

My DS is on a starting salary twice that of my DH in the 90s. You couldn’t buy a beach hut here for a house x3 his salary now.

DH and I were hard working but lucky enough to be able to buy a house.

DS is equally hard working -as is his similarly earning partner-there is no way they will be able to afford a house for years, if at all.

vivainsomnia · 01/11/2023 12:54

I think it's an attitude lately that noone is allowed to be proud of achievement in their life
I agree. Ive done ok but that's predominantly because I chose to continue to work FT as a single mum and grab any opportunity to apply for promotions that has really taken me where I am even if I can't deny there were elements of food fortunes along way.

I think most people are saying its both
Indeed, but it reads more as one being mainly lucky with circumstances and even lucky to be able to work hard rather than mainly working hard and faced some luck in the way.

Baconisdelicious · 01/11/2023 12:55

Lots of people are hard working and will struggle to achieve what you have achieved. Mi don’t like saying ‘I got to where I am through hard work alone’ because it suggests that others just need to try a bit harder.

CornishClott · 01/11/2023 13:07

FrankiJ95 · 31/10/2023 18:49

Hard work! And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise x

This and keep quiet about paying off your mortgage. People can be jealous.

luckylavender · 01/11/2023 13:08

Both

ElaineMBenes · 01/11/2023 13:09

@CornishClott so do you believe that luck, chance, fortunate circumstances play no part in success?

I guess those that don't work hard enough to pay their mortgage off early just don't work hard enough eh?

Outandontheotherside · 01/11/2023 13:09

Both. You've obviously worked hard and don't come from a silver spoon background but you've also been lucky. You haven't had divorce and the financial compromises that brings, bad health, unemployment through no choice of your own.

I've also worked every working day of my adult life and don't have what you have.

Enjoy your holidays.

ElaineMBenes · 01/11/2023 13:15

My last sentence didn't make sense but you get my drift!

CornishClott · 01/11/2023 13:18

ElaineMBenes · 01/11/2023 13:09

@CornishClott so do you believe that luck, chance, fortunate circumstances play no part in success?

I guess those that don't work hard enough to pay their mortgage off early just don't work hard enough eh?

Yes of course some luck plays a part . But in my experience hard work plays a big part and sacrifice and going without things . If I could have got support with childcare I probably would have started a family sooner so got back to full time work quicker and paid my mortgage off earlier.

I know people who remortgage their homes and now are resentful they are still paying a mortgage while others are not

I'm lucky that I have a good health a family and a good husband . I have been extremely lucky , luckier than a lot and I'm thankful , but everything else I have planned and worked hard for .

ElaineMBenes · 01/11/2023 13:22

Yes of course some luck plays a part . But in my experience hard work plays a big part and sacrifice and going without things . If I could have got support with childcare I probably would have started a family sooner so got back to full time work quicker and paid my mortgage off earlier.

I know people who remortgage their homes and now are resentful they are still paying a mortgage while others are not

I'm lucky that I have a good health a family and a good husband . I have been extremely lucky , luckier than a lot and I'm thankful , but everything else I have planned and worked hard for .

But this is what people are saying......not one person on this thread has said it's all due to luck. People are just pointing out that in addition to hard work luck/chance plays a part.

In fact, it's pretty arrogant to suggest it's exclusively hard work as that suggest that those who are less successful than you are just not working hard enough.

HardcoreLadyType · 01/11/2023 13:22

It’s a bit of each.

You have to be lucky to have to opportunities you get, but you also have to be astute enough to take advantage of them, and hard working enough to work for them.

We have a nice house and have paid off the mortgage. We have worked bloody hard over the years and have rarely had takeaways and have forgone other things that others take for granted. BUT, if I was in the same position now, in my working life, as I was when we bought the house, we could not afford to buy it, no matter how hard we worked. So, we are very lucky in that respect.

Spermscarecrow · 01/11/2023 13:44

Everyone is going to pay their mortgage off eventually unless you choose other wise . I have a friend who has no children they have decided as they have noone to leave their assets to they will simply just keep remortgaging their home to have the lifestyle they want . On MN their seems to be a few red rags at the moment and paying off a mortgage early seems to be one of them .

TheCompactPussycat · 01/11/2023 14:43

Spermscarecrow · 01/11/2023 11:15

I think it's an attitude lately that noone is allowed to be proud of achievement in their life , I'm not talking about million pound houses and flash holidays I'm talking about just getting by and being happy with that . The " oh it's alright for some" old chestnut . Winning the lottery is lucky , falling into the road and a bus narrowly missing you is lucky . Working 14 hour shifts every day to save for a house living on next to nothing to do it ... Is hard work .

And here is the problem with that attitude that it is down to hard work. As you say Working 14 hour shifts every day to save for a house living on next to nothing to do it ... Is hard work. However, if you argue that someone who is successful in the way the OP is has got there purely through hard work, how do you describe it when someone else continues working 14 hour shifts every day to save for a house living on next to nothing to do it for their entire lives? If having success is down to hard work, why aren't those people also successful?