Lucky or hard working?

[widowtwankywashroom]

Me and my husband are both 50+ we don't have primary aged children and I will preface this by saying we did have very hands on grandparents when our children were younger
We have both worked extremely hard, I am a nurse, so have done my fair share of weekends, nights, late finishes and early starts, my husband is a hard worker ( not physical ) but he puts in the hours and he has been well rewarded
We paid our mortgage off early due to always paying in extra - would forgo a night out to pay and extra £50 etc and me working extra shifts in Covid
Through good planning and using lots of interest free credit card deals we managed to get away 4 times this year and already have 4 holidays booked next year
My mum always says its because I am lucky - I don't think I am - I left school with 2 GCSE and have worked my arse off to get where I am and so has my husband
So is it luck or just hard bloody work
No one has ever said I am lucky doing a 12 hr shift in A&E or ICU on a Sunday
No one has ever said I am lucky going out on a night shift

It’s both but I see where you are coming from.
My mother is always telling me I’m lucky.
No mother, I worked my ass of as a single teenage mum in a high rise and got an education. It’s not luck I’m now earning more than all my siblings and I’m the only one Who owns their own home.

First post has it.

No doubt you work really hard, but you are also lucky enough not to be in ill health, have children with a disability that means you need to be their carer, to have a partner who also works and not be a single parent, to have bought your house before prices went insane.

You work hard, and have been very lucky.

Most people’s lives are a combination of both. There’s no shame in acknowledging where you’ve been fortunate and that fortune is indiscriminate: you met somebody you wanted to marry relatively young, enabling you to buy a home with a dual income and combine your incomes to pay the mortgage off quicker. That husband didn’t die, or leave, or cheat, so your financial position has remained good. You had help raising your children. You have the good health to work as you do. That’s the luck. You’ve then also worked hard in a difficult role and been careful with your finances, which has given you continued benefits.

Obviously it's both - as someone has said, you can work your arse off and still not get to where you are because of disabilities, lack of childcare, family illness and caring responsibilities and just general shitty things happening. But the hard work absolutely does make a difference and your mother should not be putting you down for everything you've put in.

Both. And a bit smug too. Without those "hands on" GPs helping out with childcare it might not have been so easy to pull those 12 hour shifts.

Nowadays, many GPs are still working and can't help so much with childcare, so enjoy your good fortune in that you'll have an excellent retirement package to boot too.

The people that describe themselves as "hard working" aren't amongst those that I've ever known that actually work the hardest.

I'm early 60s so been around the block a bit.

i think you’re mad maxing out credit cards for holidays. But that’s just me.

It's a mix of both really.

You're "lucky" you were able to work hard so you could earn a decent wage. Bad luck may have meant you weren't able to work, i.e. injury, health conditions, etc.

But choices/decisions also come into play, i.e. the career you chose, you chose to be careful with money, etc.

So really, it's a three way thing, i.e. luck, hard work, AND sensible choices.

True "luck" is winning the lottery, but even then, choices come into play, just look at all the people who've won the lottery and squandered it all!

It’s definitely not luck. Someone said to me I was lucky I’m a higher rate tax payer. Well it’s not luck, I was a teenage mum, just 16 when I had my first child. I went to Uni and burned the midnight oil writing essays as I worked part time and commuted every day due to having a young son in school. I then moved 250 miles from the north to london for a job, and I’ve worked really hard despite health issues. I don’t think any luck came into it. My mum (against me going to Uni, probably knew I’d move away) said to me ‘didn’t your friend Jane do well for herself’ as her husband has a good job and she doesn’t work. I despair.

It's both. You've worked hard, but I'll guess you both came from relatively stable homes, were set good examples, had support in your education, have a good support network, stable MH, good physical health, no addiction problems etc etc.

So yes you've worked hard, but it takes more than that.

You’re lucky to have your health.
You’re lucky that your children appear to have their health.
You’re lucky to have benefited from hands-on grandparents.
You’re lucky to still be together and benefitting from two salaries, not having to survive alone after death or divorce.
You’re lucky to have bought a house when prices were substantially cheaper compared to earnings than they are now.
You’re lucky to be intelligent enough to complete nurse training.

Yes, I would say you are lucky.

It's both.
Acknowledging the role of luck or chance in your career development doesn't diminish the amount of hard work you have put in. It's not an insult it's just how life works......

I qualified late in life ,
It's my husband who by working from home has done the bulk of the child care once I qualified
I had help with my first when I was in a more traditional job role
Not a lot of help with my second

This

The OP has created the ultimate stealth boast.

You are being unbearably smug, I'm not surprised your mother feels the need to point it out to you.

You've done brilliantly, well done, but you've had plenty of luck along the way. You met DH who stayed with you for a start. That's made a huge difference to what you've achieved.

It's both.

You've worked hard. But you've been fortunate to be in the position to be able to study, qualify, work, do overtime, have money to overpay your mortgage etc etc. All circumstances and lives are not equal and its a little ignorant to pretend otherwise.

These threads pop up everyone once in a while......

I happened to deliver a lecture on this just last week and it never ceases to surprise me how offended some people get at the mere suggestion that luck or chance has played a part in their success. I always use examples from these threads as discussion points for my students :)

It's my husband who by working from home has done the bulk of the child care

Isn’t that lucky he was able to work from home…?

It's not only because you worked hard but also worked smart.
Most people don't do both.

Both. Not acknowledging that makes you sound a little smug.

Besides, putting holidays on credit cards doesn't sound that far removed from what a lot of people do.

Lucky you were able to retrain, have a husband who earns ok/can work from home etc.

Yep lucky to have grandparents who helped with one child and a DH who could work from home and combine it with childcare for the second. Most people don't have either of those!

He's worked from home for the last 20 years
It was a condition of the role
No luck involved

But you ARE lucky to have been fit and well enough to have done this.

You've made brilliant choices, and sacrifices, and nobody should or could say you didn't make it happen yourselves, but there definitely is a element of health lottery at play.

I say this because I have a very close, very talented and clever friend who's life changed when her second son was born with a severe disability and needs 24hr care. She hasn't been able to work or have much independence at all for nearly 20 years now.

Her lifestyle is nothing like it would have been had this not happened.

So yes, I do think luck plays a part.

It’s both luck and he’s work. I never understand why some people are loathe to admit this.

Who supported you (practically and financiallly) while you qualified late in life?. No luck there?