Lucky or hard working?

[widowtwankywashroom]

Me and my husband are both 50+ we don't have primary aged children and I will preface this by saying we did have very hands on grandparents when our children were younger
We have both worked extremely hard, I am a nurse, so have done my fair share of weekends, nights, late finishes and early starts, my husband is a hard worker ( not physical ) but he puts in the hours and he has been well rewarded
We paid our mortgage off early due to always paying in extra - would forgo a night out to pay and extra £50 etc and me working extra shifts in Covid
Through good planning and using lots of interest free credit card deals we managed to get away 4 times this year and already have 4 holidays booked next year
My mum always says its because I am lucky - I don't think I am - I left school with 2 GCSE and have worked my arse off to get where I am and so has my husband
So is it luck or just hard bloody work
No one has ever said I am lucky doing a 12 hr shift in A&E or ICU on a Sunday
No one has ever said I am lucky going out on a night shift

Lucky that he then worked til late at night to read contracts, make improvements
Worked weekend
Lucky or just a professional who manages his own time

Luck and hard work.
For example, both me and DH work for different universities doing quite similar jobs. During Covid our employers took very different approaches to how we were expected to work. Meaning it was easier for one of us to be flexible.

We both worked hard but it was luck/chance how our managers chose to deal with a particular situation.

It's both.
You've worked hard to maximise your circumstances, but the circumstances you found yourself in were pure luck.
No shame in that though.

Bigger question is, does it matter??

When someone says to me 'you're lucky' I just smile and say 'Very. It could have been very different, and you never know what tomorrow may bring and everything might change'.

Not at all
But thank you for your comments

Mostly lucky, as you were born at a time that meant buying a house and getting on the property ladder, and therefore making a lot of money from houses, was very easy for most people with a salary.
It’s exceptionally hard for the under 30s now, even under 40s, to get on the property ladder.

Aaah well OP, you're obviouly just a really splendid example of the great things that we are all capable of, just you're so much better at it than a lot of other people, so well done you.

Most of us can only dream of being as great as you and your DP. And may your brilliance continue and that ol' Lady Luck doesn't kick in with your health and/or any of the myriad of 'unlucky' things that can befall even the most wonderful of people, even you.

You're only in your 50s, it ain't a done deal yet.

25 years ago my flat sold for £46k. Adjusted for inflation that should make it £85k now. Zoopla min estimate is £270k. Anyone who bought 25 years ago and doesn't see how lucky they were to be of an age and in a position to buy them is frankly pretty stupid. No matter how hard I work I can't stop myself having been a teenager 25 years ago and therefore not in a position to take advantage of the housing market then.
OP seems absolutely resolute to refuse to see that luck has paid any part in her life at all to this stage and that's sad for her.
I'm proud of the work I've put into my career, that I own said flat outright now but it is in no way down to just hard work. There are elements of luck in all sorts of forms. Where my parents lived, that I'm intelligent enough to do the job at a senior level, that a family friend could help get my foot through the door of an oversubscribed industry, that I have no physical disabilities that would have made the entry level jobs impossible, that I am white, with a generic middle class sounding southern accent and didn't face discrimination when job hunting... Some people might not think luck is the right word but whatever it is, none of those advantages were hard work.

Very well said.

I was a nurse OP for 17 years, and climbed the ladder well which I did through sheer hard work but four months ago I had to hand my notice in due to a deterioration in my health that now means I’m unable to work.

So yes, lots of study at college and university followed by 17 years working as a nurse, to end up 40 years of age and receiving £300 a month in benefits.

My sister is a single mom after she very bravely left their father ten years ago because he was an absolute twat. She works hard every day to provide for her children single handedly, yet despite all her continued hard work they’ve only been able to afford one holiday abroad in those ten years.

Rather than be here gloating (?) about the wonderful life you have and expecting our praise for being such a martyr and hardworking individual, perhaps you should spend a moment to think about all the people who are nowhere near as fortunate as you.

It’s great you have put the work in to get the career you wanted but don’t under estimate how bloody lucky you are that your life circumstances have enabled you to maintain your career and keep you in your fortunate lifestyle.

Things can change in a heartbeat.

Lots of luck. Lots of work.

I love living in a country with things like sick leave, mat leave, annual leave, health and safety law etc.

Love the boomer comments about how they cleared their mortgage because they over paid it rather than go out to dinner.

Do you have any idea how many thousands of dinners it would take now? You managed to over pay your mortgage because it was SMALLER RELATIVE TO WAGES.

You're probably not paying for four holidays on a nurses wage. I'm guessing your partner is the higher earner.

It's not either/or. You can be hard working AND lucky.

But lots of people don’t have the sort of job/employer where flexible working is possible so that childcare can be managed at home. He was very lucky, yes.

If you’d had a husband who worked in a 9-6 office job, you’d have had to fork out thousands for childcare and may not have been able to train to be a nurse.

Heard work BUT. With a bit of life luck (ie access to education required to train as a nurse and with the timing of eg buying a home) behind it

This is very true.
The rubbish turn could be ill health or being widowed or divorced. All of these outcomes result in having to pay all the household bills, including mortgage, on one income. That is way, way harder 😞

Both.

You have obviously worked hard and been disciplined

But you are lucky not to have suffered any serious physical or mental health problems, or to have had children with struggles that made work too tricky

And you are lucky to have had some free childcare

And lucky to have bought a house before prices went bonkers

Are you suggesting that nobody in her position ends up in hospital as a patient?

Is this "chip on the shoulder" night?

No. Don't be daft.

What I'm suggesting is that if you wind up with a chronic illness or a life limiting condition or a terminal illness, like a lot of the people at A&E - you might realise how lucky you were up until that point.

Serious illness limits your physical and mental energy, and it limits your choices, it limits your ability to 'work hard'.

Good health is a massive, massive piece of good luck that people like the OP take for granted.

“I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it” ― Thomas Jefferson.

I worked damn hard. Long hours when my children were sleeping to progress my career. (Single mum)

I've now developed a rare and debilitating neurological condition, no amount of."hard work" will reverse that bad luck.

How small? You know some people are paying £1400+ on nursery fees a month?

No not at all. Even just 20 years ago in 2003 houses were 5 times the average salary, now houses are 8 times the average salary.

You’ve been very lucky and I can’t believe you can’t appreciate that

We've worked our arses off to get where we are, but I was very lucky to have great parents who helped a lot with the children and school runs etc. Without their help I wouldnt have been able to work as hard. So I am lucky, and I work hard.

You are fortunate and hard working. Both have contributed to the life you have now.

Fortunate:
to live in a country with free health care and schooling
to have access to family child care
to have your health
to be able to train for a new career
to live in a 2-income home

you must see that not everyone has that, despite any amount of hard work. If you had a child with disability which meant you could not work, or your partner left you for someone else, you wouldn’t have those things, but it wouldn’t be for lack of hard work.

You are lucky !!!
Because by hard work and life choices YOU create your luck
I say this to my boys all the time !
I am a life choices created lucky person too !

@widowtwankywashroom You seem to be reluctant to acknowledge any good luck (or the absence of bad luck) that you may have had, as though it detracts from the amount of hard work you've put in or the good decisions you made. Why? They don't erase each other.

The very fact you are in the position you are in and others who work equally hard are not suggests a degree of luck. Life is a bit random. Some people have kids with debilitating illnesses that mean they can't work as hard, or have a mental health issue that means the choices that seem obvious to you are not available to them in the same way.

Do you genuinely believe that active decisions you have made are the only factors in you being where you are, and things that happened by chance played no role? Or that people with less happy lives have brought it all on entirely themselves with 0 factors outside their control?

You've obviously worked really hard. I would say you've also had some good fortune (or an absence of bad luck, which is the same thing). There's no shame in that.

I'd be asking myself why I'm so reluctant to admit that. What is it about acknowledging life is sometimes "the luck of the drawer" that threatens your idea of who you are?

I bet you'd be happier if you did. Being thankful feels lovely, and it makes you kinder.