Page 8 | How can my brother salvage this situation

missblooming · 2023-10-27T10:19:38+00:00

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month. They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family. The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention. Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him. How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

44PumpLane · 27/10/2023 12:16

Your brother is being massively unreasonable, just because he has moved in with his girlfriend does not mean that his children become his girlfriend's financial responsibility!

Is your brother annoyed that my dog has money spent on her? Is your brother annoyed that someone else might pay a dog walker for their dog, or for their dog to go to daycare, or for their dog to go swimming? Or is it simply his girlfriend's expenditure on her dog that he resents?

Because both his girlfriend and random strangers are equally as responsible for his children! Ie they are not at all responsible for his children. The girlfriend is choosing to spend her money on her dog, I imagine his lifestyle is already benefiting from paying a lower proportion of rent by moving in with her, she does not need to sacrifice expenditure on her dog to cover expenditure on his children, they are HIS, not hers.

Absolutely batshit!!!

Pugdays · 27/10/2023 12:16

Any woman about to move in to her home a man with kids ..needs to read this thread

Hmindr68 · 27/10/2023 12:16

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I can’t believe you’re doubling down!

Some more eloquent posters will be along in a moment to explain (more) to you.

but me, I’m just like… 🤣🤣🤣🤣

CosimoPiovasco · 27/10/2023 12:16

He moved into her house and now is throwing his weight around.
You do see this don’t you OP.

He needs to get his own place and leave his gf alone.

LaurieStrode · 27/10/2023 12:16

Devastated that he lost a free home and meal ticket.

If ge truly cared about his GF he'd never as her to abandon a beloved pet for his convenience. What an asshole.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 27/10/2023 12:16

How long have they been together ?
Engaged ?
Does she work ?

8lue8irds · 27/10/2023 12:16

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Omg it gets worse

OnlyFannys · 27/10/2023 12:17

4naansjeremy · 27/10/2023 12:06

Surely we need more information from the OP before we can decide if the GF is unreasonable for choosing the dog…

how much credit card debt does the dog have?

does the dog have an entitled batshit sister?

does she have to look after the dogs children?

everyone is very quick to jump on the OP here.

😂😂

ClarkGablesMoustache · 27/10/2023 12:17

I can't believe that you are all saying that you would be happy to see your kids go without whilst an animal gets spoilt rotten!

No, OP, we aren't saying we'd be happy for our children to go without. As parents we'd do our best to provide for them.

What no one on this thread would do, however, is expect the girlfriend to spend HER money on someone else's kids rather than her own much loved pet. Or on tattoos and glitter, if she wanted. HER money, for whatever the hell she likes.

She sounds like she's dodged a bullet. I hope she's on MN and sees all this supprt for her.

I wouldn't take your brother back into your house either - about time he stood on his own two feet.

horseyhorsey17 · 27/10/2023 12:17

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Do you actually think you can guilt this woman into taking back your freeloading brother and his kids by checks notes telling her she should be buying cheaper dog food in order to afford them?

Lol. Good luck with that.

Jumperhermit · 27/10/2023 12:17

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

THEY’RE NOT HER CHILDREN!
Christ on a bike why should she have to buy cheaper stuff just to pay for his kids?!

LadyWiddiothethird · 27/10/2023 12:17

This AIBU,where is the vote option!

Sounds as if he is using his girlfriend for his own selfish reasons.

How dare he expect her to get rid of the dog!Typical man,what a waste of space they are......with the odd exception.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 27/10/2023 12:17

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Her dog. Not her children.

not even her step children!

she has relocated the dog to the spare room. So she already compromised.
and not all dog food is created equal!

and why is it so bad for the children to sleep in the same room as the dog? I would have LOVED that as a child.

don’t frame this as an issue of “pecking” order. Make it fun and exciting!

Runningonjammiedodgers · 27/10/2023 12:17

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:05

He absolutely does support his kids! He's a great dad, which is why he wants them to come and be able to live with him. He pays a fortune in maitenance to their mum, there just isn't then enough left for him to do treats like the cinema or even a Macdonalds when they come to visit him and he wants them to have a nice time. The credit card debt is a hangover from their relationship when they had a new kitchen- so again it is him supporting his kids and the mother of his children.

I can't believe that you are all saying that you would be happy to see your kids go without whilst an animal gets spoilt rotten! It's not about him being a 'cocklodger' she knew he had kids when he moved in- so I don't know why the idea that they have a room is so baffling? The dog wont know the difference of where it sleeps.

He loves his GF very much, he's devestated at the thought the relationship might be over. He just cant get passed the resentment of the dog. I had hoped for some advice on that, or helping them reach a compromise as another poster has said this is definetly dogsnet.

Show quote history

I am not a dog person, and I don't understand people who would put a pet before a person they love.

Dog aside though your bother is being unreasonable. They have only been living together six months, expecting his gf to financially contribute to things he wants to do with his children or his debt is not a reasonable expectation. She has a spare room, its great that the kids can use it is a bedroom when they stay, but it is not reasonable to dictate how the room is used 24/7. Its her house, not their house.

In terms of your brothers resentment, I think the only thing he can really do is let it go. It might not be his dream set up, but if he loves his gf and enjoys living with her then it's he just needs to accept how it is. If their relationship works out, once his finances are sorted, and she assumes a more step parenting role then maybe they can revisit these issues. Perhaps move to a bigger house where the kids and dog can each have a room.

If he is struggling to let it go and wants to carry on his relationship the best thing he could do would be to move out. It will give them both their own space and the dog will cease being an issue.

Apossum · 27/10/2023 12:17

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

A ‘special meal’ like McDonald’s?! Behave 🤣

heldinadream · 27/10/2023 12:17

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

But she's recognised that she's made a mistake and wants to end the relationship. End of story really, you can't force the woman to want to stay with your brother.

I cannot abide dogs but she is totally within her rights to choose her dog and ask your brother to leave.

MermaidMaggie · 27/10/2023 12:17

He absolutely does support his kids! He's a great dad, which is why he wants them to come and be able to live with him.

Yeah live with him in someone else's home on their money. What a great dad he is!

Sounds like classic divorced dad looking for a new GF who will home him and his kids, and does the housework, pays the bills and will have sex with him. What a catch!

I don't think you realise how badly you come across on here and how many of these ladies have had to live with your brother over and over again. He is a walking cliche. Oh and its nothing to do with the dog. He knew the setup before he moved in, he just thought he'd be able to change it. WRONG!

I like the exGF and hope she finds someone better soon. She's dodged a bullet there.

WessexWanderer · 27/10/2023 12:17

I like dogs but I like children more. If the GF was depriving HER children of occasional treats in favour of treating her dog, I would say she was unreasonable.

But she's not. They are HIS children. She has no obligation to pay for his children. She can spend HER money on whatever she wants.

Does he contribute anything financially to her? Rent, half of bills & food? (More than half when children were there) Or did he have a cosy deal where she was already subsidising his life with his children & it still wasn't enough.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/10/2023 12:17

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

If you move in with someone who buys £80 dog food because they can afford it then you are a cheeky fucker if you expect them to stop doing that because you have debts.

Just as she'd be a CF if she'd expected your brother to fund her stepping up from £30 to £80 dog food if she was the one with debts.

BakedTattie · 27/10/2023 12:18

The gf is well shot, of you all

notlucreziaborgia · 27/10/2023 12:18

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Nope, you really don’t!

it’s her money and if she wants to spend £1000 a month on dog food she can. It’s got fuck all to do with him - his say in this is precisely zero. What he gets to do is suck it up and fuck off out of her house.

She is in no way financially responsible for his children. That’s the truth of it, whether you like it or not.

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 27/10/2023 12:18

LisaD1 · 27/10/2023 11:29

So you brother moves into her place then wants to turf her dog out to enable him to step up and parent his kids whilst also dictating what she does with her money?

id like to applaud the ex girlfriend, she had a lucky escape.

No, no - while expecting her to use her money to clear his debts and pay for his kids to go to the cinema without him asking.

She’s apparently meant to realise that by letting him move in, she signed up to fund him and his kids.

wordler · 27/10/2023 12:18

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

You have to be making this up for fun.

On the chance that you are not… even if she bought the cheaper dog food why would she be spending the excess on your brother’s kids?

ColleenDonaghy · 27/10/2023 12:18

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:05

He absolutely does support his kids! He's a great dad, which is why he wants them to come and be able to live with him. He pays a fortune in maitenance to their mum, there just isn't then enough left for him to do treats like the cinema or even a Macdonalds when they come to visit him and he wants them to have a nice time. The credit card debt is a hangover from their relationship when they had a new kitchen- so again it is him supporting his kids and the mother of his children.

I can't believe that you are all saying that you would be happy to see your kids go without whilst an animal gets spoilt rotten! It's not about him being a 'cocklodger' she knew he had kids when he moved in- so I don't know why the idea that they have a room is so baffling? The dog wont know the difference of where it sleeps.

He loves his GF very much, he's devestated at the thought the relationship might be over. He just cant get passed the resentment of the dog. I had hoped for some advice on that, or helping them reach a compromise as another poster has said this is definetly dogsnet.

Show quote history

Seriously, I hate dogs, can't stand them and I think he's being ridiculous to expect her to spend less on her dog so that she can spend more on his kids.

He doesn't get a gold medal for paying maintenance. That's one of those bare minimum parenting things. Lots of parents unfortunately find that they can't afford treats after feeding, clothing and housing their children - times are tight. There are plenty of free ways to have fun with them and build a loving relationship.

He has children, they are his responsibility. She has a dog, that is her responsibility. She owes his children nothing, especially this early in a relationship.

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 27/10/2023 12:19

"I can't believe that you are all saying that you would be happy to see your kids go without whilst an animal gets spoilt rotten!"

THEY ARE NOT HER KIDS. She is not responsible for them. Their own parents are. And if he doesn't have enough money to treat them, maybe he needs to look at his own priorities and shuffle his spending/look for a better job rather than expecting her to pay up!!

Dogs are pack animals. If it's been used to sleeping with its loved owner, it absolutely WILL know the difference of where it's been booted out to.

Honestly thinking this must be a wind up. Familial entitlement run wild.