How can my brother salvage this situation

[missblooming]

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

There is nothing to salvage, OP. Ex-girlfriend has made her choice - and the right one. How dare you start questioning what she spends her money on?

Your brother isn't a good father if he cannot support and pay for his children without trying to find a women willing to bail him out. He sounds pathetic.

It's about time that men realised that women are not there for their convenience and they need to make their own living, not mooch off a woman.

My dog (medium to large breed) suffers from pancreatitis and has to have special gastrointestinal low fat food. I buy 12kg sacks for just under £80 a time but they last weeks. Would I put her on cheaper, non-specialised food? Nope, not a chance, because she'd soon be vomiting and shitting everywhere. Maybe the GFs buys nicer food to keep a health condition at bay, or maybe she just loves her dog, some of us do. Your DBS kids aren't going to suffer from having less McDonald's or fewer trips to the cinema.

I’m sorry but the fact she pays £80 on a bag of food and doesn’t give that to your brother for his debt isn’t her problem it’s his. The fact he can’t afford to take his kids anywhere is his problem not hers. None of this is her problem although me. I had a dog and chose my relationship over the dog as the dog was possessive over me and I was also pregnant. Myself as a woman in a relationship yes I would make the dog sleep in the kitchen or lounge and give my partner the comfort in the bedroom and also if I wanted to make it work I’d make the bedroom nice for his kids but she doesn’t have to do any of it.

They are his children not hers. I borrow my partner money so he can do something or pay a bill from time to time but Neither of us expect it. Not one. It’s her money it’s his fault he don’t have any. Your in the wrong and I’d let the woman go your expectations of her are morally wrong from the get go. Her money her house her time. He should get his own space and money for his own kids.

You rehomed your dog because you were pregnant? Wow.

Sorry but I don’t think the relationship is going to work but it’s also not really anyone’s business to make her feel unreasonable about it. Your brother gave her an ultimatum and she made her decision. The dog cane
first, she’s made compromises and adjusted but I guess to her, there’s a line of how many compromises to make.
She can spend her money as she pleases, it’s not her fault the kids go without but they are not her children to be supporting.

I think it’s probably for the best that the relationship is over.

Jesus, he sounds awful. Why on earth shouldn't she buy the dog food she always has? They're not her kids? He's an idiot if he thinks he can move in and start dictating where the dog sleeps and what it eats. Fuck that. There's no way he's going to win this one. He should think about paying his own way.

This has got to be a joke thread.

If he cannot afford the cinema and McDonald’s without using his girlfriends money then surely he can have a fun afternoon at home for example board games or drawing and then he can show them how to make a cake or home made pizza. Or maybe they could walk the dog to the park. He is asking his girlfriend to use her disposable income to pay for his kids. Then threatening to leave to get her to get back in line. Fuck that! He is not a catch.

He moved the dog out of his room and into the room his kids were going to sleep in - why? No doubt for his own ‘needs’.

He called her bluff and threatened to dump her over the dog. Thank fuck she said go. If not she would be dogless looking after a cocklodgers (with debts) kids.

Well done that woman.

He can now pay for his accommodation (without a dog) and look after his own kids with his own money. Bet he’s knocking on another ladies door, faster then you can say cocklodger, be it his mother or a new lady or a sister.

Also surprised this thread is still up. Has provided me with hours of entertainment today & v useful insight into the wheedling whining & pleading by the family of a similarly minded cocklodger to pleeeeaaaase take him back after I was finally done with his using ways (thanks in large part to Mumsnet)

Go Team Colin (& Dogs & Pets in general) just you lounge on that bed like your life depends on it boy 👦 😝

Why is she being unreasonable? It’s her dog, and she had the dog first. I wouldn’t move my dog out of my bedroom to start with, but if I did and then my new boyfriend complained his kids didn’t like it when the dog was in ‘their room’ - well no. Sounds like your main concern is you wanted this woman around to help him get more access. I’d choose my dog too. 100%, every time

He sounds like a cocklodger.

He’s moved into her house
He’s dictating which rooms she’s allowed to use in her house
He’s pissed about how she spends her own money.

Here’s an idea, he can move out, into his own home, earn his own money and pay for his kids.

Why on earth should this poor woman be financing not only his lifestyle, but curbing her spending so he can spend her money instead. And she’s meant to get rid of a dog which she has had a lot longer in her life than your waste of space sponging brother.

Yeah you don’t want them to break up, he’s got it made leeching off her.

No one would be telling me I had to get rid of my two cats. DH would be out the door if he did- not that he would because he loves them as much as I do.

^^ This

I should think facing up to this all makes quite painful reading for op.

It’s not her debt and it’s not her kids
It IS HER house, HER money, HER dog, and HER choice.

Your brother would want to get over the dog because if he can’t afford a McDonald’s for his children, or a bigger place for them to stay, it’s not the dog’s fault. Putting himself in debt for a kitchen was a stupid decision HE (and the ex) made. It’s not his new one’s problem, neither are the kids he CHOSE to have.

honestly if I was your brother’s gf, I’d have chucked him out long go. He sounds like a drag on resources for very little benefits, and you sound like an absolute nightmare of an SIL, sticking your nose in to your adult brother’s business

I would choose the dog

Absolutely, it made me laugh in a strange sort of way! It's just so absurd he expected her to prioritise paying for his debt + children

This thread is hilarious

”My brother is amazing because he throws money he doesn’t have at a kitchen, tries to guilt his current girlfriend into cutting back her reasonable spending to give more money to him and his children. He’s in debt and can’t afford a happy meal for his children, which apparently is the only way they have a good time with him. It’s been working up until his new girlfriend saw the real side of him and our family, but he would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for the MEDDLING DOG!!”

You are still failing to acknowledge the fundamental point here, OP. It's his girlfriend's house, and the dog was there first. Your brother is a cocklodger who thinks he can dictate how the dog lives and how his girlfriend spends HER money. As everyone else has said, it's not the girlfriend's responsibility to ensure he can afford to take his children out. It's HIS!
At least now he can presumably find his own place to live, and he can be the king of his own dog-free castle.

@adriftinadenofvipers my dog was a 2 year old frenchie who still occasionally toileted in the house/flat. My partner would cuddle me my dog would bark and growl. My dog also would sit on me so no one could get near but never did bite anyone. I also didn’t have a place of my own just like the OPs brother doesn’t it was too much for my disabled mother and my partner onky had a 2 bed upstairs flat with no garden so really it was unfair for my child to be subject to that and the fact my dog would wee or poo on the carpet no matter how much you cleaned and disinfected still didn’t seem right to want to put a baby on the floor never mind be able to comfortably leave a room for 2 seconds. I also work full time. So do you need any more reasons. When it was me and the dog primarily at my mums we were inseperable and loved each other she shared my bed everything but when I’m having a human child I think the child comes first. I also still have contact with who she’s with and get regular photos and always said I’d take her back if they ever didn’t or couldn’t have her. So don’t judge me. I put the dog first as much as I did my own child for the right reasons she’s now settled with another dog of her breed. This woman and her brother are the problem on this post.

No recent posts from our OP. I hope this means she has got the messages. Yes, plural. Furthermore, I hope her deadbeat brother is soon similarly apprised.

I wonder if this thread is heading for 'Classics' ?

It is hilarious but I’m guessing both OP and her brother have been raised in a way where they think this is completely normal……to expect someone else to pay for your mistakes and change their whole life style to fit around you. Aubergine they are both cocklodgers?

😋 & Tonight1

Translation of the family communications being ‘keep on paying for our feckless son/brother/uncle etc so we don’t have to’

P.S - more pics of Colin lounging please if his awesome human slave is still reading 🐕 :)

Personally, I don't think he has any right to demand she gets rid of her dog. He would have known she had it before moving in, so why did he go ahead with this arrangement. It's also not up to this girl to provide him with accommodation so he can be one step further to getting more involved with his children, that's not on her or anyone. If they have already fallen out because he's not happy with her dog, there will probably be other issues coming into their relationship later on. Most people seem happy when they don't live with eachother, maybe they ate not so compatible as it seemed.
To salvage this he'd need to apologise and find a way to accept her dog or accept the dog isn't going anywhere if he doesn't like it and find his own accommodation in the hope of seeing more of his children

Appearing soon on a dating site near you…

McDonald’s prioritising, dog hating, brand new kitchen owning, needs roof urgently, cocklodger looking for a long term commitment from a gullible lady happy to house his kids (and reduce his maintenance payments to his ex).