How can my brother salvage this situation

[missblooming]

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

I see your brother vastly overestimated his market value.

Oh dear.
How sad.
Never mind.

I'm betting a 'fortune in maintence' is £10 per child per week

The dog is treated like a Prince.... with HER money 🙄 His kids are going without because he, their father, and only person in this situation with any actual obligations to them isn't providing. Good lord.

this times a thousand!

Actually, @Cookiecuttercatastrophe is OP's bestie. She ran here to post after OP called her to tell her "I've got this GREAT guy you are going to want to meet! He's looking for a woman, just like you! And he's my broth....." click @Cookiecuttercatastrophe hung up the phone.

She’s not unreasonable it’s her dog! He moved in and starting making demands at how she lives her life.

I don’t understand how you’re being so indignant whilst so many people have pointed out that his attitude isn’t particularly good and nor is yours I’m afraid as you keep saying the children are going without because of a dog which is you saying the girlfriend has a financial responsibility to her bf’s children, which she does not.

The dog came before him.

It is her money

They are not her children to prioritise over her dog (which some treat as their own child..) and that is absolutely not for you to have a judgement over.

There should be no entitlement here.

I am sorry if you’re worried your brothers life will derail however you seem like a solid sister with the support so I would not panic yet

Nice to know there is a woman out there somewhere, drawing her line in the sand and putting her cocklodger out in the bin where he belongs.

Just thinking exactly the same thing

Well that was hilarious. I never thought I would find myself on Team Dog, so congratulations on having achieved the impossible. Dogs in bedrooms are rank, though.

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Everybody on here gets what you are saying. What he (and you) don't seem to be grasping is that she has NO responsibility to subsidize him. Or his children. It does not sound like they are compatible, and if I were her, I would want nothing to do with someone who feels his needs and his children's take precedence over any aspects of my already established life. If he wants to salvage this, he has to completely stop focusing on the dog and stop being so entitled. And you need to stop winding him up.

It’s funny how MNers hate big dogs, especially around kids - yet in this situation they’re jumping to defend the ex.

Is it an XL bully by any chance? 🤣

He has absolutely no say in her keeping her dog.

If they are together and in debt then he of course has a say on what she spends her money on but not if they’re separated.

No way would I get rid of a dog for a man but it’s obvious that this woman is using the dog as a way to get her own way.

I am confused about the timeline though.
They share kids but he only moved in 6 months ago?
Why is that?

You say when they go to stay they have to stay in the dogs room, so where else are the kids staying?

Don't you just love it when a poster reads through hundreds of posts and still manages to not work out what's going on?

His kids. Her dog. His debt. Her dog. Her house. Her rooms.

Many years ago I ditched a man who decided that he came before my then dog. Best decision I ever made.

I’m surprised she moved her dog to the spare room. That was a massive compromise! He needs to get his own place. It feels like he has seen her as an opportunity to help pay his debts and help see his children. She needs to set him free.

Wow I’m definitely not a dog person and love kids but this is his ex-gf’s home and his ex-gf’s home. He asked her to make a choice and she did - the dog. She has every right to make the choice she did. That it’s inconvenient for your brother, his income and how he got into debt is all irrelevant

I'd kick him to the curb too.

but this is his ex-gf’s home and his ex-gf’s dog

It will be the hot news for tonight's Twilight Bark.

I hope the now ex and the kids mum are planning to go out on a piss up and share notes. With the dog. Whilst he babysits at his sister's.

I want to get tee shirts made -

'It's you or the dog? Bye bye then'

This thread has just reminded me last Christmas I spent £30 on differing sizes of my dogs favourite treat as one of his presents 🤣🤣 (disclaimer: my children are more than adequately clothed, fed and entertained)

It's nice to see a woman who knows her worth and isn't going to tolerate being told what to do in her own home by a cocklodging boyfriend who thinks he can move in, throw his weight around, dictate how she and her pet live in their own space, control how she spends her money, and expect her to provide a lifestyle for his children, which are not her responsibility.

Your brother sounds like an arrogant and thoroughly objectionable man and going by the entitlement dripping from your posts OP it evidently runs in the family. It's another reason I'm glad for the ex-gf that she is chucking him out. Imagine being involved with people like this. It would only get worse over time once they'd annihilated boundaries. In-laws from hell.

Looks like your man child of a brother is soon going to be back living with you OP. You'll have to sub his failings in life. I'm sure you'll be fine with that though, it's exactly what you were expecting another woman to do.

I hope you are still reading OP. Your DB is showing signs of being a trainee cocklodger so I hope you are able to talk to him about future expectations, ie others do not fund his mistakes. That's on him to do.

Your brother needs a Time Machine and a personality transplant. Then he can fix it

This thread needs to be put into classics ... with the title changed to gold digger

Isn’t it? This has backfired on him so spectacularly! 😂