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Original poster

How can my brother salvage this situation

1000 replies

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:19

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

OP posts:
Shadowonasun · 27/10/2023 16:19

What I'm really loving about all this, is the entitled wanker foisting an ultimatum on his GF 'me or the dog', fully expecting her to choose such a prince among men, obviously. And she turfed him out! A true hero.

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/10/2023 16:21

Fourfurrymonsters · 27/10/2023 15:51

I’ve just seen it sail past my kitchen window, and I’m halfway up Scotland 🙌

Show quote history

😂😂😂

MrsAllsorts · 27/10/2023 16:21

@MermaidMaggie has it spot on, I think!

Marblessolveeverything · 27/10/2023 16:25

I have not stopped laughing reading this. I suggest we split the fund - wine for GF and lovely treats for Dear Dog! Maybe a nice break for them both........

Gummybear23 · 27/10/2023 16:25

Your brother and you sound like users.

Glad the gf booted him out.

Tell him to go and find his own place, sort out custody and his debts.

You sound like CFs

Bet the dog is glad 😊.

SidewaysOtter · 27/10/2023 16:26

Miyagi99 · 27/10/2023 15:52

Hope the dog is reading this and feeling vindicated.

I’m hoping the dog is sniggering behind his paw, like Mutley.

TeeBee · 27/10/2023 16:26

It definitely sounds as though this lady is way better off without any of you in her life. Hope she manages to stay free of all this bullshit.

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/10/2023 16:27

Cookiecuttercatastrophe · 27/10/2023 15:25

If the girlfriend had been willing to compromise a bit more and show some understanding about how the dog made your brother feel, then he probably wouldn't have felt pushed into making an ultimatum. Sounds like he was desperate. Those who say he knew when he moved in that there was a dog there are being unfair. He wouldn't necesesarily know how it was going to effect him until he was actually living there. She sounds a bit rigid to me.

You should do stand up - that's fecking hilarious!

Judydoes2 · 27/10/2023 16:28

Fourfurrymonsters · 27/10/2023 15:51

I’ve just seen it sail past my kitchen window, and I’m halfway up Scotland 🙌

Show quote history

Nope, it just hit me on the head as it went past West Yorkshire

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 27/10/2023 16:28

Anyone else narrating this thread in their head in a breathy David Attenborough style monologue?

And here we see an example of cocklodgeris enablis in the wild. This creature attempts to foist the related cocklodgeris on random females* by convincing them that they are required to support said cocklodgeris. It is believed cocklodgeris enablis does this to avoid supporting the cocklodgeris themselves.

*I wouldn’t usually use ‘females to describe women / girls not being a raging misogynist but I think it goes better with the narrative.

Drfosters · 27/10/2023 16:29

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Sorry OP that dog is his girlfriend’s family. If she wants to buy it the world’s most expensive organic dog food and a bed of cashmere rugs whilst paying for someone to throw it a sausage every 10 seconds then she is within her rights. Her money, her family, her choice.

and no you don’t have to take on any responsibility if you get involved with someone with kids. Most do and hopefully that extends to being a great step parent but it doesn’t mean they have to contribute financially. Whilst I would no doubt help my partner out where I could in that situation I would not expect to have to change my existing behaviour.

my family know my cats come first 🤪

Gummybear23 · 27/10/2023 16:29

Hey Op,

Why don't you let that lazy bro of yours move in with you?

SchadenfreudeIstMeinMittelname · 27/10/2023 16:29

It's very kind of the girlfriend to let your brother stay till the end of the month. I just hope she makes him sleep in the dog bed.

Nanny0gg · 27/10/2023 16:30

ZiriForGood · 27/10/2023 15:03

Unfortunately, there isn't much to salvage. His GF is immature dog lover, who prefers her dog over her people. That's a fact.
Either he finds a way forward accepting this, or they need to part ways.

(I deliberately use quite strong words here, to demonstrate that this isn't about which opinion about dogs is correct, it is about the incompatibility).

Why is the girlfriend immature??

Nanaof1 · 27/10/2023 16:30

MermaidMaggie · 27/10/2023 16:03

'My new boyfriend moved in not long ago and is trying to control me in my own home. It used to be me and my dog, who would sleep in my room to keep me company at night. Then he moved in and wasn't happy with the dog in the bedroom, so I moved the dog to the spare bedroom to make him happy and compromise. He's now saying his children don't feel at home in the second bedroom because the dog sleeps there sometimes. He's also been dropping passive aggressive hints that I shouldn't spend my money on my beloved pet and that I should be spending it on his kids instead. He's upto his eyeballs in debt from his divorce and is now expecting me to sub him. Not only that, he wants to have his kids in my house 50% of the time to save on child maintenance. It's all moved too fast for my liking and I feel really used. He's controlling and I'm worried he's getting his feet under the table too quickly and expecting me to subsidise his life. He was living with his family before he met me so he's never lived on his own. Looking back I think that was a red flag. Its now got to the point where he's given me and ultimatum: him or the dog. I chose the dog. His family, especially his sister are outraged and think I should sacrifice everything to make him happy. I actually feel relieved and can't wait for him to move out'

That is I suspect the other side of the story

Well Done Applause GIF by MOODMAN

Bravo! Well written and on point!

AnneValentine · 27/10/2023 16:31

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

Give over.

His debt. His kids. Her dog. Her money.

On what planet does he have any right to resent her spending her money on her pet?! And in what world should she not so he can pay off HIS credit card debt.

I hope she stands her ground. He sounds dictatorial and controlling from what you’ve said here. The dog has clearly been around longer than him, he’s moved into her home expecting good little house wife. Good on her for standing her ground.

TheFretfulPorpentine · 27/10/2023 16:31

How can he salvage the situation? He can't. He has massively overplayed his hand. But that does not make him your problem. If you don't want him to move back in with you, just tell him it's not an option.

MrsAllsorts · 27/10/2023 16:31

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Are you kidding? What business is it of yours or your brother's how much she spends of HER money on HER dog? NONE!

That she was willing to open her home to your sponging brother and his offspring was generous of her. I suspect that being expected to finance them and give up her dog rightly will have come as a shock.

You and your brother come across as entitled USERS quite frankly. She is better off distancing herself from the lot of you. I would tell the lot of you to sling your hooks.

Gummybear23 · 27/10/2023 16:33

I would have never let him move in.

The Gf can do SO MUCH better.

Can't take his kids to mcdonalds?
Why does kind sympathetic aunty not pay for treats?

If gf has 'resp' towards the kids, you sure do.

Beezknees · 27/10/2023 16:35

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

I do not expect anyone else to finance MY child except myself and his father. Your brother's kids are his responsibility, his girlfriend is not obliged to spend a penny of her money on them!

momonpurpose · 27/10/2023 16:35

Gummybear23 · 27/10/2023 16:29

Hey Op,

Why don't you let that lazy bro of yours move in with you?

Exactly. My ex and I broke up over his sister. She too was over involved and caused havoc in our life until I put a stop to it. He is dead broke his mom pays half his rent at 50 thank you. Sister never gave him a penny lol much less moved him in

Canyoudigityesyoucan · 27/10/2023 16:36

I’ll be you a tenner it’s OP’s younger brother too. This stinks of entitled younger sibling.

The kids, and your brother’s debt are not his partners problem.

They’re not married, they’re cohabiting. Living together doesn’t automatically mean his girlfriend should start paying for treats and spends for your brothers kids. They’re not married, she’s not a stepmother. She’s simply his girlfriend.

The house and dog are both hers. I can see how it’s mildly irritating the dog seems to be prioritised but it’s literally her prerogative. She owes your brother no financial support beyond just being his girlfriend.

MermaidMaggie · 27/10/2023 16:36

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/10/2023 16:27

You should do stand up - that's fecking hilarious!

Show quote history

Now, now, give the OP a chance to explain

😂😂😂

Floppyelf · 27/10/2023 16:37

Your loser of a brother shouldn’t have had kids if he cannot afford them. The snip, condoms, so many options out there. Now he needs to earn a wage on his own, get a place of his own and be able to treat his own kids. Thats what single moms up and down the country do things.

WowOK · 27/10/2023 16:38

Its her home. Its the dogs home. He needs to get his own home rather than trying to control hers and how she spends her money. I wouldn't allow a man to come into my home and dictate how I feed my pet, who sleep where o how I spend my cash. He is a cocklodger CF. Oh and his kids are not her responsibility.

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