How can my brother salvage this situation

[missblooming]

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

She's gorgeous! Please give her a cuddle from me!

Her dog, her responsibility, his children, his responsibilities. Wtf. If she didn’t have that dog and she spent the money on getting her nails done, or collecting ornaments, that’s her choice. It is not her job to house or spend money on his children or his debt.
Im not a huge animal person btw or someone who believes they are equal to children. I have a dog but it’s way down the pecking order to my children. But the difference is that’s my children and my dog.
If he has debt and doesn’t have custody of his children, or a home for that matter, those are him issues. They don’t become her issues just because she’s in a relationship with him. He needs to sort that stuff himself. He’s another man who wants to be a great dad, but at someone else’s expense, not his.
Im so so glad she chose the dog, she did right. I hope for her sake she follows through and kicks him out.

You and your brother are being wildly unreasonable.

I’m not even a dog person (Team Cat all the way) but your brother is a cf and the gf is kind of a hero. I would do the same if some arse moved into MY house and then started whining about my cats and what I spend on them using MY money.

I’m sure he is devastated given his plan to use her, her property and her money to facilitate him looking after his own kids has failed miserably. Good on her for not accepting any of that shit. He needs to get his own life back on track as you say, not make demands on someone else to do it for him. And it’s telling that you don’t want him in your house either. What did he try and make you change or spend less on to accommodate him and his kids? You clearly want rid and want the gf to ‘take him on’ to relieve you of the burden. He’s obviously a useless twat.

The dog was there first and obviously enriches her life more than your brother does. If he can’t afford to feed his kids that’s his fault, not hers. Gf is well rid.

Why is it unfair?

Her money spent on her dog.

His money spent on his kids (or not).

The children don't "go without" because she is spending what should be their money - they go without because your brother is a grifter.

Having read your message again, I can't help but think this is partly about you not wanting to have your brother back home. You also saw the girlfriend (with her own house) as a ready-made solution to the part-custody problem for his children.

So he wanted to use his girlfriend for financial and family reasons that had nothing to do with her, and he wants to lay down the law whilst using her.

Awful.

I hope the girlfriend sees these posts and if she has not chucked him out yet, I hope she will very soon. Sounds like she deserves better imho.

@notlucreziaborgia your post made me laugh far more than it should! Spot on!

Her home, her dog, her right to spend her money how she likes.
What does your DB bring to the party?

'My new boyfriend moved in not long ago and is trying to control me in my own home. It used to be me and my dog, who would sleep in my room to keep me company at night. Then he moved in and wasn't happy with the dog in the bedroom, so I moved the dog to the spare bedroom to make him happy and compromise. He's now saying his children don't feel at home in the second bedroom because the dog sleeps there sometimes. He's also been dropping passive aggressive hints that I shouldn't spend my money on my beloved pet and that I should be spending it on his kids instead. He's upto his eyeballs in debt from his divorce and is now expecting me to sub him. Not only that, he wants to have his kids in my house 50% of the time to save on child maintenance. It's all moved too fast for my liking and I feel really used. He's controlling and I'm worried he's getting his feet under the table too quickly and expecting me to subsidise his life. He was living with his family before he met me so he's never lived on his own. Looking back I think that was a red flag. Its now got to the point where he's given me and ultimatum: him or the dog. I chose the dog. His family, especially his sister are outraged and think I should sacrifice everything to make him happy. I actually feel relieved and can't wait for him to move out'

That is I suspect the other side of the story

Debt, children, and the audacity.

If the "dog is treated like a prince while his kids go without" - whose fault is that? Certainly not his girlfriends!

The sense of entitlement is shocking.

Tell your brother to man up and get out of his girlfriend's house.

What the hell business is it of his what she spends her money on?

I really hope this is picked up by the Mail or the Mirror etc... and I've never hoped for that before!

Imagine if she did cut down the dogs food, build a kennel in the garden - then he'd be resentful that she had more disposable income than him.

Imagine if instead of a dog, she had a child instead of a dog - would he be asking her to reduce how much she spends on her own child, in order to fund his?

Bottom line is, he resents that she has more money available to her than he has to him. She hasn't got his debts nor his lack of income.

That won't change, dog or no dog.

Get rid, hes a freeloading wanker and the sister is a CF for even thinking shes entitled to an opinion.
Get rid and block the pair of them.

LOL at the fact he had the extremely misplaced confidence to think he would actually be the one she picked when he decided to give her an ultimatum.

Thinks he has a Golden Willie!

Once a woman has sampled what he can offer, she's spoiled for anyone else.

And what's the odds that if he did get shared custody (which would reduce and payments he makes to his ex), the GF would end up minding the kids?

It's her money to spend on what she wants, they aren't her kids or her debt, why on earth would she NOT spend money on her dog over HIS debts. If he wants nice meals for his kids HE needs to earn more money.

Sorry OP your DB sounds like a bit of a cocklodger and is being quite controlling.

It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason.

The 'silly reason' is that your brother is seemingly an entitled grifter, who thinks he has the right to tell his girlfriend what to do with her money, in her own home. Maybe that's why the mother of his children doesn't want him either.

Are you going to show him these responses OP, and show them to the girlfriend? I hope the girlfriend has sussed it out now.

HER dog, HIS children. Until this is accepted, this is going nowhere, why the hell should or would the girlfriend take in a degree of responsibility when they have 2 parents.

Please can we all send this to the daily mail so it gets picked up by them. Maybe we can get this story to reach the girlfriend so she doesn't take him back 🤣

[email protected]

So, yet another man found himself a woman with her own home and wasted no time in persuading her to let him move in with her. Then he proceeds with his plans to house his D.C. in the house 50% of the time, thus saving himself paying any child support. On top of this he also told the woman who provided the housing that her dog would have to go, that she needed to pay towards his credit card debt and that she needed to pay for meals out and cinema outings for his children. Boy, that man must be hung like a stallion and know the karma sutra inside out.

All I can say is, Thank God the woman has come to her senses and has seen the cocklodger for what he truly is. Well done that women.

Apart from not wanting to share a bedroom with a dog everything your brother has done is bloody awful.

He didn't want a partner, he wanted someone to make him look like a good father while they did the work of providing the house while subsidising him so he paid of his debts.

His girlfriend has had a lucky escape and I bet the reason you're all annoyed is because now he's going to mooch of you.

The sense of entitlement that she should buy cheaper dog food and spend the rest on another man’s children is probably exactly why she showed him the door and good on her!

Yes I would choose to spend my money on more expensive food for my dog over children that weren’t mine. Sounds like he had the expectation she would bankroll him!

She's really busy going through her phone book to see if she can't find a "nice girl with no pets" to set up on a date with her NVDB.

In reality, the OP is just shocked that:
#1 everyone didn't see it her way
#2 her NVDB might be packing for "home" as she weeps
#3 laughing because we all took it seriously

OP- might seem like a pile on but really take it as a reality check.

From what you've said, DB isn't the most productive (lazy arse who want everything handed to him). It's obvious you all thought that this woman was a good influence, as our your comments about finally getting himself on track. Probably been praying he finds a nice woman settles and she can play step mum to the kids, help him out of debt. That way he's out your hair too. 🚩🚩

None of this is about the dog at all, he's given her an ultimatum and it's totally backfired. He did not expect this one did he🤣 I would bet he's taken the piss in other ways aswell and GF has had it now. YES meeting someone with kids means accepting alot of things and even spending time with them, looking out for them but not fucking paying for them. Especially considering he moved in so quick. As a woman who's been in this situation, good on ExGF wish I had her spot on bullshit radar years ago.

It's cool though as no doubt he will have another lined up before the year is out.

The dog wont know the difference of where it sleeps

Of course it knows!

Poor dog has already been turfed out of the bed it shared with GF, now you and your bro are expecting it to be turfed out of the other room it has got used to sleeping in.

Yes - she knew he had kids - she just didn't know she'd be paying for them!

And I'll just bet he's devastated the relationship might be over! He thought he'd landed on his feet - lovely GF, own home, lots of sex and his debts paid off and kids supported from her salary. Damn right he's devastated!

He can't salvage it.

Let it go.