How can my brother salvage this situation

[missblooming]

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

And when you get involved with someone with a large dog (with a large appetite) you take on a degree of responsibility and care for them.

If she was moving into his place with the kids already in situ, and she was bringing a large dog with her, and she had debts she was paying off, then fair enough to look at the costs of pet food and see if it could be reduced.

But he has moved into her home.

Did the OP disable voting because she was being unreasonable?
Why doesn't the OP house DB and his brood, pay for all their costs and settle her DBs credit card debt?

"The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room," I wouldn't have even done that. Why obviously he wasn't happy?
The fact he thinks it is reasonable to ask her to get rid of the dog shows he is not worth having as a boyfriend. At least she is not asking him to pay for her dog like he seems to be expecting her to pay for his kids because of his debt. I have zero sympathy for him. The best he could do is beg for mercy and apologise for being a complete dick and asking her to choose.

"The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with"

Why obviousyly? its HER house, HER dog, HER money, HER life.
He doesnt get a say.
He sounds like a wanker and shes well rid.
Is it any wonder women prefer their pets over these useless wastes of space.

OMG, OP. But why is it any of your business anyway? Probably because it means he comes back to sponging off you. Well done that woman for seeing sense.

Choosing the dog means you've picked the more intelligent of the two choices.

Wee Willy Wanker needs to put on shoes and get moving back to his sisters.

I am sending thoughts out into the universe, directed at the (hopefully) soon to be ex-GF. "Do not fall for his shtick! Red flags! Red flags! Run GF--RUN!"

Seriously though, I do hope she kicks him out for real. I would be afraid the dog might "get sick" if the NVDB stayed in the house.

I’m wondering if this is a reverse.

I genuinely dont think I have ever seen a thread that was so unanimous in its opinion!

WOW!

I would not wish to remain in a relationship with someone who wanted me to switch my dog to low quality food (which lets face it, £30 a bag food is) from the more premium stuff it was used to so that they could buy treats for their kids with my money, no.

She isn't going to change her mind about the dog. He needs to decide if he can accept that, or fuck off. Even if we all came on here and said "oh yes, bloody terrible that she's prioritising the dog over the kids" THAT IS HER CHOICE.

I’ve just seen it sail past my kitchen window, and I’m halfway up Scotland 🙌

Agree with all those pointing out that

• the dog came first, he has no right to try and make her get rid of a beloved pet
• it's none of his business how much she spends on dog food, regardless of HIS problems about clearing HIS debt from HIS credit card
• she already made a compromise once with the dog's sleeping arrangements.
• who on earth does your brother think he is to try and dictate and change what she does in her own house?

Personally I think his girlfriend is better off without him. If you are an animal lover as she is, life is too short to be bending over backwards to suit the immature demands of a man-child.

Equally she could say: you accept me as I am, which includes the fact that I am an animal lover and love my dog, or get lost.

I think she is better off without him.

Instead of trying to get them back together, maybe council him on his behaviour.

It's very easy to spend someone else's money (just ask my adult kids)

Why are you not dipping into your pocket instead of trying to spend this ladies money-im guessing she has a job?with a wage?

So it's her money-if she wants to spend it on her dog,her wardrobe or hiring a male escort every night,complete with buying a sex toy every week,then that is up to her

When my dd and ds both got dogs,I told them that those dogs are not just pets-they are your life,just like they are to me

They took on the time,energy and cost of that animal as they can't do it for themselves

And I added that if anyone asked or told them to get rid of the dog,to tell them to leave instead

It only happened once

Dd got a boyfriend who pulled the same stunt and told her to get rid of her dog or he'd leave her

I was so bloody proud of her-she didn't blink

She just told him to get out and stay away from her and the dog

He tried to backtrack but it was too late-she ended it with him (he wailed and howled but she was firm-his meal ticket shut the door on him)

That was the right thing to do

Your brother sounds just like my ex-claimed he paid a lot for his kids (he didnt),claimed he wanted the kids 50/50 (he didnt) claimed his ex was evil (she wasnt) and tried to be a cocklodger (he failed)

I want to buy this woman a drink-in fact I think the whole of mumsnet do

Hope the dog is reading this and feeling vindicated.

Here's my prediction: 1) brother has told OP he's moving back to hers, 2) OP will move herself + any partner/kids into the garden shed, so Dear Bro can have his choice of rooms in the home at no charge + accomodate his kids 50% of the time 3) OP and any family members will voluntarily give up food so that Dear Bro + his kids can eat at no cost to Dear Bro.

No, OP? Thought not. Methinks you don't want this prince of a man.

Totally agree with the GF - perhaps they should have spoken before he moved in she should definitely not have to put up with his kids whining about where they sleep and its totally his responsibility to pay all expenses for those children and perhaps he should even contribute extra to the house for allowing them to spend weekends there - sounds like she would be much better off without him and his entourage

But op they’re not her children, why should she pay for them to have nice meals etc?

The fixation on the money spent on dog food seems odd and unfair, decent food is pricey and for a large dog it makes sense to buy in bulk. So because of his debt the poor dog should have crap food and the difference should go to him? Surely thats madness.

Yikes! I'll let you know when it sails around to this side of the pond. 😆😉

I hope I remember to duc...OUCH! k.

Heading towards Kansas now. That'll confuse it and slow it down...maybe.

OP is only worried because she doesn't want her brother back with her. 😂😂

Your brother and his ex's bad choices is nothing to do with this girlfreind. If she chooses to spend whatever amount on her dog that is her business.
She has allowed him to moved in to her house, allowed him to moved the dog to a different room and presumably is allowing the children to visit her home.

You brother need to get his own flat if he wants to dictate who stays were.

This thread is hilarious. I’m amazed that you’re so entitled, OP, that you think that she should be prioritising his children with her money when she already had responsibilities and commitments. Clearly entitlement runs in your family. Neither you nor your brother have any respect for her life or her boundaries and you expect her to constantly accommodate his.

She sounds amazing. And she’s well rid!

If your brother pays such a ton of maintenance and is such a financially generous guy, I'm sure his ex would be happy to reduce it by £20 a month so he can take the kids to the cinema once a month, or send the kids along with the pocket money to pay. She wouldn't even notice the difference.

If she's not willing to do that, it suggests he isn't paying as much as you'd like to think.

Why is he relying on her home to get more custody of his kids? That's his own responsibility, not his girlfriend's.

Does his girlfriend even know that he is after shared custody? She may be happy enough to have his kids overnight, or even the occasional weekend, but she might not want them living with HER, in HER home, disturbing HER dog every other week!

I wouldn't get rid of my dog to make room for a bloke either. There are plenty of men out there, but a dog is forever and doesn't try to tell you how to spend your money.

I'd buy her a drink-and her pooch a toy.
I do hope the ex girl friends reads this and sees that the vast majority of us support her actions in kicking this demanding leech out back to his enabling apologist of a hypocritical sister who can use her resources and time supporting her wastrel brother and his unfortunate kids (they drew the short straw being lumbered with him as a father-what a hideous example he is setting).

I'm not a dog person. But she's really not being unreasonable! It's her dog and his kids. I don't get why you expect her to skimp on her dog to fund his kids?

@Sharontheodopolodous I want to buy this woman a drink-in fact I think the whole of mumsnet do

There are so many of us who want to buy the GF a drink that we are going to need to fundraise to send her rehab when we're done. 😉