How can my brother salvage this situation

[missblooming]

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

Jesus wept! Why bother starting this thread if you are closed to hearing the responses?

Because you wanted everyone to agree with you, clearly.

You and your brother are cut from the same entitled cloth aren't you.

I applaud the girlfriend for dumping his sorry arse.

And BTW, that maintenance is his responsibility to pay for HIS kids. It's not a favour and nor is it for his girlfriend to pay.

We need to frame this and pin this to the relationship thread somehow

She's an absolute legend. the mumsnet girlfriend😘

OP, is it just you and your brother who are so entitled and unreasonable, or is it the rest of your family as well?

#teamgirlfriend

I agree with your first sentence but not your second. The OP is happy to whine about his ex-girlfriend being so mean to golden balls. If she is so keen on some woman housing, funding and obeying this parasite then she should step up and offer her own home, money and time. Not demand another woman does so.

OP, sorry not read all posts but I’ve read yours/ updates.

This is really a lot simpler than you think. They are just not compatible. It doesn’t matter if only but for this, or that. It’s more than just about a dog there is a fundamental difference in values.

They’re not compatible. Rather than face that, you’re all fixating on the dog.

In the new kitchen.

So after only 6 months, he thought he could tell his girlfriend what to do in her own home? He wanted the dog in the kitchen and to have his kids there 50 % of the time?!! If he wants to call the shots and be in control, he needs to get his own place. But I cannot imagine anyone wanting to stay in a relationship, with someone so controlling and dominating. I wouldn't move my dog to the kitchen for a boyfriend of 6 months! Fancy analysing her debt and judging which food she buys for the dog?! It's none of his business. I'm glad she ended it, I hope she meets someone better. Perhaps he'll learn a lesson from this. To get his own place and mind his own business.

mumsnet girlfriend

It's clear that OP and her family are not dog lovers, otherwise comments like "the dog won't know where it sleeps" and "£80 for a bag of dog food" wouldn't be made... My dog has his sleeping area, he won't settle anywhere else, £80 is pretty normal to spend on a good quality dog.
It sounds like your brother is being unreasonable. He knew she had a dog when he moved in, and frankly his children are not her responsibility to pay for. Unfortunately it sounds like they're not compatible.

Good for the girlfriend.

OP your brother is a scrote and you're a scrote enabler.

He has credit card debt. 🚩

He didn't have shared custody with his kids because no decent living place?? 🚩

He was apathetic with the dog of the woman he supposedly loves. If you get with people with a pet you love it as your own because it's now your family. 🚩

He moved in with her and her dog and demanded adjustments that the dog was no longer in the bedroom. She compromised and put the dog in the other room. Instead of being grateful, it's now a new problem because it's the "dog room". He made it the dog room. 🚩

He can't afford to take his own kids to the movies 🚩

He is seething the woman he supposedly loves is spending her own money on her pet while he has no money because of his own doing. 🚩

He gave her an ultimatum after he was upset at a situation of his own doing. 🚩

OP you want to interfere in the relationship and call a perfectly reasonable woman unreasonable because she has healthy boundaries. 🚩

She is very kind to let him stay till the end of the month..... I would have packed his bag there and then.

Sounds like he's paying out more than he can afford in maintainence to the ex and on debt which should be joint responsibility for him and the ex. He's basically propping up his ex and expecting his new GF to pay for that.

It's her house and her dog. If there isn't room for the kids, he shouldn't have moved in. Or he'll have to let the dog back in their room, the kids then have a room.

What she spends on food for her dog is up to her, she doesn't have to spend her money on his children or think about what saving she can make to fund his children or his debt.

He needs to look at what HE can be doing to make his situation better, if he can't afford a fortune in maintanence and it's above what he has to pay that's going to have to change. Maybe then he can afford to treat his kids when he has them and rent a place for them if it's not working at the GFs. This isn't about her and her dog; it's about him.

You're clearly shitting yourself now OP because you're going to get landed with this peach of a man...!!!

I'd say that's far more your angle here than saving their "lovely" relationship!!

Oh, I have a dog, he's such a good boy,
Large and furry, sweet of snout,
He is my pride and joy,
Then my fella moved straight into my house,
Said the boy had to go,
Jesus Christ, what the Fuck? Fuck right off, you louse.

THE DOG WAS HERE FIRST, PAY FOR YOUR OWN KID,
GET IN THE FUCKING BIN, DAVE, AND DON'T FORGET THE LID.

She has made the right choice.
If he didn't like the dog, he should never have moved in with her.

Just read your updates! So the debt is his from his previous relationship. What has that got to do with the girlfriend?! It's not her debt and she's free to spend as much as she wants on her dog. Also you're saying because she knows about his kids, she should share responsibility for them?! They're not married! They're just a 6 month fling, she's not responsible for someone else's kids, nor someone else's debt!!! You and your brother need to adjust your level of entitlement.

Yes I’ve got it completely wrong! Thank you!

My mistake - your brother sounds like a dick!

I have a dog, no kids of my own + a husband and 2 step kids. My DH would rather shit in his hands and clap than ask me to fund anything for his kids.

I don't think there has ever been a post that has got more unanimous responses.

More fool him, for making her choose between him and the dog, and thinking he would win!

Your brother should sort his own living arrangements out if he wants room for his kids, he should show his ex that he’s capable of doing this.
From the sounds of it he was looking for another woman to ease his way through life. You say you don’t want him living with you again, why is that I wonder.

His gf has a dog and with a dog comes commitment and responsibility, yes dogs need feeding. She had the dog before she met him, she knows how much it costs to feed, she’ll have factored this into her living expenses.

If he’s in debt then again it’s up,to him to pay the debt off and not rely on others to bail him out.

the dog was there first
its her house
she is not financially responsible for his kids
he sounds like a cocklodger
he is using her house and good nature to avoid paying maintenance and will probably use her for child care too
she is well rid
take the blinkers off

and

You're clearly shitting yourself now OP because you're going to get landed with this peach of a man...!!!

I'd say that's far more your angle here than saving their "lovely" relationship!!

Both these comments have absolutely nailed it.

Lovely to hear of a woman who has actually taken notice of all the red flags fluttering around the CF DB and his crazy family.

But I don't understand, OP. He's clearly an absolutely amazing guy with a hag of an ex. You should definitely take him and his kids in! Then you can spend your money on his kids, take them to ciniema, McD's, everywhere, foregoing treats for yourself, your kids, pets, what have you. He deserves it. His kids deserve it. Such an amazing man, selflessly paying maintenance for his own kids, never heard of such a thing, a true hero. Before moving him in, you should make sure there's a spare room for both him and his children, if your kids/pets/yourself need it - no problem, turf them to the kitchen or something. You're his kids' aunt after all, they're your nieces/nephews, you have a duty!

To be fair, if she wanted to spend HER money on Dom Perignon to bath in rather than spend it on HIS kids, that would be ok.

Because it's HER money.

I hope she's booted him out!

I think OP has contrived this whole situation to unite Mumsnet in peace and harmony against the common enemy of Entitled Brother and Enabling Sister

So pleased for his girlfriend that this has come to a head sooner rather than later. Anyone who expects someone else to change the way they treat and feed their dog to support them in THEIR responsibility as a parent is not someone you’d want to hold on to. Especially when you know they have family who all enable him to see his current situation as anything other than his responsibility. Also nothing less sexy than a man that is such a victim he is jealous of a dog 😂