How can my brother salvage this situation

[missblooming]

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

Seriously?!
It's up to her what food she buys for her dog! Are you saying she should buy the cheaper food and spend £50 on taking kids out for tea that aren't even hers?? She has no responsibility for those children what so ever.

My dog’s food costs about £60. It’s grain free. If he has to have to grainy stuff then the poo sitch isn’t pleasant.

It isn't their debt, it's his from before they were together. She has no responsibility for it. Legally or morally.

They are not her children they are from a previous relationship and live full time with their mother presumably

I'm sorry, your brother thinks she should spend HER money on HIS debt and/or treating HIS children, rather than feeding her dog? Sounds likes she's well shot of him.

I love my little dog to bits, he has such amazing character. If any bloke started telling me where my dog could or couldn't go in my own home, or wanted my dog to have inferior food so that I could spend my hard earned money on HIS kids, then I too would tell him to do one.

Your brother sounds like a waste of space. How dare he change where the dog sleeps. The dog was there first. It’s his issue to fund treats for his kids not his gf. Honestly why can’t you see that? Let him move back in with you and then he’ll have a happy home for the kids too . If you’ve not got a spare room, you kip on the sofa and give the kids your room. Be a good auntie and put them first.

@Itsgettingweirdnow

can i suggest you reread the post. The kids are not hers, she is the girlfriend, and a relatively new one, not wife/step mum etc He has loads of debt, no idea if he is paying his way at the gf house, but why should she reduce how much she lays out of her money for her dog food to allow him to take his kids, who have two parents, to McDonald’s or the cinema for a treat

its not her responsibility. And I have no doubt that if she had her own baby she would do whatever she needed to do to support HER child

And it’s very telling the op doesn’t want him back either

OP "The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without."

but the children aren't hers and she hasn't yet agreed for them to move in?

she's probably realised she's better off alone.

@missblooming
If you think the ex girlfriend is so wrong what the hell must you think when you look in the mirror?

Let's turn this around.

The ex is not even related to these children but you are as their aunt and sister to cock-lodger of the century. So why wasn't he able to get 50/50 time with his children while living with you, his sister, his children's aunt? Why are you so meeeeaaaan? Don't you love him/the children? Why are you being soooo selfish? YOU ARE THEIR AUNT FOR FUCK'S SAKE. That makes you closer to the children than a girlfriend.

Let him move in with his children and help him pay his debt and treat his children. Make sure he has a room just for them so he can go 50/50 with their mother. Go on stop being so 'unfair' to golden balls.

You really don't care enough about your precious brother or your nieces/nephews do you? You don't want to help your own blood relations but expect the ex-girlfriend to care more than you.

You have a uterus and are related so surely that makes you responsible for this feckless father and his offspring. If not why not? Why won't you step up to be the good, well trained obedient woman you expect the ex girlfriend to be? If you don't want to help your own brother that makes you a stonking hypocrite when whinging about his ex girlfriend.

Good on her. The ex -girlfriend is right to show this parasitic limp dicked sponging cock lodger the door. But too kind in allowing him to stay to the end of the month. My bootprint would still be on his arse as he crashed on YOUR sofa. The ex is well rid of your useless parasitical lump of a brother and his entire parasite-enabling family.

You need to go back and read the OP. They’re his kids, not hers. She is absolutely not responsible for them, despite the best efforts of her boyfriend, who’s getting mad at her spending HER money on HER dog and not in mcDonalds for HIS kids. Cock that he is.

How could it possibly be "unfair"?! In what possible world could her spending her money on feeding her dog instead of being his cash cow, be "unfair"? Your brother sounds entitled as hell.

It’s her money not to spend on his children. Are you off your tits?

Jog on!

Aye right OP....

I had my 4 dogs long before my daughter had her 3 children. My dogs need a special diet that I pay around £125 a month for. Some weeks my daughter struggles to make ends meet financially. I will always help if I can as they are my grand babies, but not at the cost of my dogs diet as I made the commitment to them BEFORE my daughter made a commitment to her children.

Change dogs to my boyfriends children and maybe you can see how bloody ridiculous you and your brother are being. They are not a HER children , she's been good enough to open her home to them and he just wants more and more and more. I don't blame her for dumping him.

Ultimatums never end well.

This.
He seems to be taking advantage of her, and wants her to finance him and his kids.
Dog issue is actually good for her, in that she's found out this sooner rather than later (rather than being a 'boiled frog' and getting dragged into it further and further).

I think you might need to go back and re-read the OPs posts

You've got the wrong end of the stick here.

Maybe you can let us know why you don't want him moving back in with you? The dog was there first and obviously still there long after he's gone. Your brother's ex sounds like a decent person.

The GF sounds brilliant. If you want to help your brother tell him to grow up, and stop making excuses and encouraging his entitled behaviour.

I think you're both being unreasonable. For some, their pets are like children. If she had the dog first and he's asking her to choose between him and the dog, where does it end? What will he ask her to give up next? Her friends? Her family? Having a life?

Sums it up well.

OP tell your brother he can’t move back in with you.

Curious about the “fortune” he’s paying in maintenance. Obviously as their mum currently has them and all the associated costs 7/7 she requires the full amount but CMS will only be a “fortune” if he’s a high earner so I don’t understand why he can’t afford a weekly trip to McDonalds? Is he saying he pays over the CMS calculation? Perhaps it is worth him checking it out.

He presumably isn’t paying anything like a commercial rent to his girlfriend or a mortgage and I presume there are no gym memberships, smoking or drinking costs as he’d surely prioritise his children.

Is the house with the kitchen a rental property or a shared property that will be sold and from which he will receive any proceeds?

He sounds like one of life’s perennial victims, expecting other people to prioritise him and ignoring his own responsibility for his situation. If he’s working presumably he could get a house share rather than land back in your doorstep.

But they're not her children. "But of course when you get involved with someone with children you take on a degree of responsibility for the children"
Well, yes and no. Generally on yes after quite a significant period of time together and a very very serious committed relationship which it absolutely does not sound like is the case here. Frankly your follow up posts are really compounding the impression that your brother is an entitled cock lodger and I really hope the GF doesn't fall for it and get sucked in. Even if he's genuinely as great as you're trying to make out, he still seems to have his thinking on this point very much the wrong way around.

He sounds like the very portrait of a cock lodger. Good for her for kicking him out, I hope she follows through. I bet you OP he’s got another one lined up quickSmart if she does.

I'm totally team GF.
At the end of the month I hope she buys her dog a steak.

Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children

Yes, I would, because my children are MY responsibility to feed and clothe. I dont expect other people to take on my financial responsibilities, my historical debts, provide me with a free living space, take responsibility for my life "getting back on track", provide my children with junk food, give me the right to dictate how they spend their own money, and tell them what to do with their pets. My life is my responsibility, because I'm not a complete dickhead. HTH.