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Original poster

How can my brother salvage this situation

1000 replies

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:19

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

OP posts:
itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 27/10/2023 13:41

I can't believe that you are all saying that you would be happy to see your kids go without whilst an animal gets spoilt rotten! It's not about him being a 'cocklodger' she knew he had kids when he moved in- so I don't know why the idea that they have a room is so baffling? The dog wont know the difference of where it sleeps.

Presumably he was able to support his children BEFORE he moved in with his girlfriend, no?

The dog is his girlfriend's to pay for and spoil if she sees fit. Your brother knew this when they moved in together.

His kids are your brother's to pay for and spoil if he sees fit. The girlfriend knew this when they moved in together.

Your brother is the one trying to change the rules: he wants his girlfriend to spend her money on his children rather than her dog. Not her responsibility. And, she's done enough for him it seems, letting him move in where there's room for the children to sleep/visit.

bombastix · 27/10/2023 13:41

God if the children are going without then who's fault is that? Is it the father?

Yes it is. Seriously. What is he doing? Not very much by the sounds of it

SemperIdem · 27/10/2023 13:43

I would kick him out so fast. He, and you, sound like absolute nightmares.

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 27/10/2023 13:43

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

She is treating her dog, the kids are your brothers. Wtf would she spend her money on them?! Blimey, my head is reeling. I cannot believe you think this woman should be supporting a cocklogder who in your words cant even afford a McD for his kids!!!

Feraldogmum · 27/10/2023 13:43

After being used for badger baiting and kept locked in a shed for 2 years , if Millie wants on the bed she gets on the bed.

How can my brother salvage this situation
moonlitwalks · 27/10/2023 13:44

I am struggling to believe this is even real. So, the GF is gifted with the responsibility of :

  1. Getting his life back on track (WTF does that mean and why did his life go off track?)
  2. Paying for his kids to go to the cinema and mcdonalds
  3. Helping him pay off his debt for a new kitchen which he bought
  4. Providing him with accommodation so he can facilitate access to his own children after couch surfing with you
  5. Not being allowed to spend her money on her pet because her money should be spent on HIS kids instead apparently
  6. Having to move her dog to another room because he doesnt like it

And you are coming on here asking for advice on how to make this all seem totally reasonable and fair? This cant be real. It just cant.

imanitheprophet · 27/10/2023 13:44

I would hope that if the GF in question had a baby, she would forgo the expensive dog food so she could perhaps go to a paid for mother & baby class etc

I would hope that if the GF in question had a baby, it would not be with the OP's cocklodging brother.

BlurredEdges · 27/10/2023 13:44

How is this thread still up?!

user14699084664 · 27/10/2023 13:45

It’s not up to the girlfriend to support your brothers kids or pay off his debts.
It’s also not your responsibility to house him, you’re under no obligation to have him live with you. He seems to be taking little responsibility for his own life here!

KickHimInTheCrotch · 27/10/2023 13:45

I am the person least likely to stick up for dogs and dog owners in any situation. If I were PM I'd ban all dogs immediately from every public place and ban dog breeding with immediate effect.

But even I can see that you are being unreasonable OP. She had the dog when he met her and moved in with her. He accepted that they come as a package and now he's trying to evict the dog. He sounds like an absolute cocklodger and Disney dad. He needs to get his own place and sort out his finances without blaming his ex or his GF for the shit he is in. He absolutely should not have given her the ultimatum if he wasn't prepared to follow it through.

Miyagi99 · 27/10/2023 13:45

Itsgettingweirdnow · 27/10/2023 12:35

@ThreeTescoBags No, I was pointing out to the Op, that you cannot put a post up about pets on here - and get a measured response. You see it time and time again. Also why does it have to be either or? You should be able to feed the dog and also go to the cinema. I do not have pets, so perhaps I am missing something 🤷🏾‍♀️ I would hope that if the GF in question had a baby, she would forgo the expensive dog food so she could perhaps go to a paid for mother & baby class etc.

Eh? She’s not pregnant though and as far as we know not planning on it, what has this got to do with anything? The point is not the dog, it could be that she spends £80 on highlights or fucking really expensive socks, it has no bearing on him paying to take his kids to McDonalds or the cinema.

Branleuse · 27/10/2023 13:46

This is hilarious.

8misskitty8 · 27/10/2023 13:46

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

So what if she spends £80 on dog food ? she sounds like a responsible owner, making sure her dog has a good diet.
Your brothers children are not her responsibility.
It is your brothers responsibility to treat his children when he has them. She should not be expected to spend her own money on someone else’s child, Or indeed house them,
Your family have a cheek moaning that if the girlfriend throws him out he won’t be able to have them 50/50.
Why is your brother not sorting his own life and housing ?

I hope the girlfriend sticks to her guns and doesn’t take him back.

Sunshineandflipflops · 27/10/2023 13:47

I'm not a dog fan, but even I agree with the majority here! His kids are HIS responsibility financially, not hers. She is continuing to care for her dog as she was before - why should the dog be given less care because your brother can't house himself and his kids adequately?

My dp moved in with me and my 2 teenage kids a couple of months ago and he isn't a fan of my cat. Fair enough, but I don't treat her any worse because of it. If she annoys him that's his problem. I am also not responsible for his debt and he does not police what I spend on myself, my dc or my cat!

If he does pressure his partner to get rid of the dog, she will resent him for it and the relationship won't last anyway so I'm not sure what the preferred scenario is here, other than him moving out and fending for himself.

FussyPud · 27/10/2023 13:47

Part of me is hoping this is a reverse, and that the girlfriend is basking in the support.

Catpuss66 · 27/10/2023 13:47

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Do you think OP that your brother would take on a degree of care & responsibility if she had children? Financial & otherwise? I think not, He couldn’t cope with a dog. You have a very warped mindset. Unsure if the volume of posts will change your thought process. There is a level of entitlement you are showing on behalf of your brother, it has not been to his benefit, look where he is in life, without a marriage, home, children & you still think the girlfriend is in the wrong. Might want to think are you helping him?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/10/2023 13:48

This cant be real. It just cant

It's to be hoped not, but who knows? As we see on here all the time there really are men this entitled - and yes, some women too

If it's for real I can't help wondering if OP's the sister of another cocklodger who someone's posting about, except no dog was mentioned on that one

Ifeellikeateenageragain · 27/10/2023 13:48

You think the girlfriend should spend HER money on HIS kids rather than her own pet... Because why?

What exactly is the girlfriend gaining from this situation? Everything you wrote is about the benefits for your brother - somewhere to live, ousting the dog (incidentally if the kids feel that they are being put in with the dog them bloody well put the dog back in the main bedroom where it was before!), getting more access to the kids, getting someone else to spend THEIR money on his kids... And she gets? A man. Oh wow the bar is low.

Times like these I wish one could get in touch with the girlfriend and say "run! Run now! There are flags of every shade of red festooned around this bloke"!

Nsky62 · 27/10/2023 13:49

My cat lives here, he comes first, of course
the dog there before him

HelloItsMeHowAreYou · 27/10/2023 13:49

A reverse or utter stupidity - not sure I can call between the 2 options

Fahbeep · 27/10/2023 13:49

Your brother sounds like a cocklodger that she booted. He's made the thing up about the dog.

horseyhorsey17 · 27/10/2023 13:50

It's amazing what men think women should sacrifice for a bit of peen action. They really do think their penis is god.

adriftinadenofvipers · 27/10/2023 13:50

It was a completely dickish ultimatum for your brother to hand out.

I'm glad she chose the dog because I don't think she's getting much out of the relationship.

It's got fuck all to do with him how much she spends on dog food, and his bloody credit card debt is nothing to do with her.

I think she's well rid personally.

paintingvenice · 27/10/2023 13:50

LadyGrinningSoul85 · 27/10/2023 13:19

If she's the type to pick a bloody dog over him, he's well rid.

I've said it many times, dog owners are obsessive and weird and dogs are horrible.
I wouldn't want to live with one either.

OP? Is that you?

why is it weird to not want to throw your pet out so you can spend your money on clearing some cocklodgers debt who you’ve been with for 6 months

notlucreziaborgia · 27/10/2023 13:51

FussyPud · 27/10/2023 13:47

Part of me is hoping this is a reverse, and that the girlfriend is basking in the support.

Audrey Hepburn Queen GIF

Same. She’s not his girlfriend now, she’s mumsnet’s girlfriend.

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