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Original poster

How can my brother salvage this situation

1000 replies

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:19

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

OP posts:
trevthecat · 27/10/2023 13:33

Countryliving0180 · 27/10/2023 13:32

She's the only one being reasonable

This!

laclochette · 27/10/2023 13:33

If there was an annual awards ceremony for this website I would give a prize to the girlfriend. She's my new hero.

bombastix · 27/10/2023 13:34

This woman does not sound unreasonable. Your brother does, and so do you.

WhereWhoWhen · 27/10/2023 13:34

I don't like dogs. Never had one, never will.

Your DB is still being unreasonable. Is there a chance he's moving quicker than she is? Maybe she wants to date, enjoy living together and not become a step mum? Whereas he sees it as a family unit?

Sounds like the dog isn't the real issue tbh.

Tombero · 27/10/2023 13:34

I’m just disappointed that you didn’t enable voting. I reckon it would be 100% YABU

Dweetfidilove · 27/10/2023 13:34

vodkaredbullgirl · 27/10/2023 13:33

This is his ex g/f now

🤣🤣🤣🤣😂

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 27/10/2023 13:34

I couldn't live with a dog (bitten as a child) but I sure as hell couldn't live with your brother either!!!

His kids are his responsibility and the associated costs should be funded their parents not his gf. Even if she didn't spend the money on dogwood, he hardly thinks it should be spent on his kids instead. If he does, he's sadly mistaken.

His GF is supposed to be his GF - ahe is supposed to be some sort of rehabilitation clinic that contributes to his finances, his kids or getting his track.

You are both barking up the wrong tree on this one.

Kpcs · 27/10/2023 13:34

A £30 bag of dogfood is awful quality!
They are not her kids. The dog is hers, providing for those kids or helping your brother clear debt that was accumulated with someone else is not her responsibility.
You are being very unreasonable and so is your brother.
My dog sleeps in my bedroom and if my partner had a problem with it I’d tell him to do one too.
She sounds well rid.

Countryliving0180 · 27/10/2023 13:35

Also why should she take responsibility for his kids and his debt? 😂😂😂 That's he most stupid thing I've ever heard.

bombastix · 27/10/2023 13:35

Also if I had a boyfriend that objected to the amount I spent on pet food then he would be an ex boyfriend. What a chiseller

Gerrataere · 27/10/2023 13:36

I hope the ex girlfriend and dog live happily ever after, away from all scrounging, feckless man-babies.

Hibiscrubbed · 27/10/2023 13:36

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

They’re not her children! 😂 she’s finally twigged your brother is the cheekiest of fuckers. He actually expects her to buy cheap shit dog food and give him her money so he can buy junk food for his kids. I mean, come on…

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 27/10/2023 13:37

Woahtherehoney · 27/10/2023 11:22

She isn’t being unreasonable at all - your brother is. If when he moved in she said she’d rehome the dog that’s one thing - but that was never the intention. It’s her dog, how dare your brother try and tell her what to do with it.

Your brother either needs to accept his girlfriend AND the dog or she isn’t the one for him, simple as that.

and what she does with her money is HER business - why should she pay off his debt?!?

Edited

Spot on.

Girlfriend is not responsible for your brother's debts. Girlfriend is not required to cut back on her own (100% legitimate, like feeding your pet) expenses so your brother can have that money to spend on his children.

Your brother's sense of entitlement is the problem, not the dog.

If he doesn't want to live with a dog, he needs to move out. Dog came first.

Feraldogmum · 27/10/2023 13:37

Arsehole.No way would any bloke make me give up my dog. Dogs are part of the family and pack animals ,besides you'll get a better night's sleep if they're in a basket in the bedroom, not crying for attention shut away from you in another room.🤬

laclochette · 27/10/2023 13:37

If I had moved in with my last partner, who had two kids, absolutely no way would I have contributed to their food, treats or otherwise! Their dad, his money. Her money is hers to spend as she wishes. Presumably he's already saving money by living with her and not having to pay rent on a one bed flat of his own, splitting utility bills, and so forth. She shouldn't supplement his budget for his kids, too!

InAnyOtherLife · 27/10/2023 13:38

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

Not. Her. Children.

Erdinger · 27/10/2023 13:38

It’s her house, her dog , her money. Your brother sounds like a bit of a loser tbh.

ActDottie · 27/10/2023 13:39

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:35

He is absolutely not a bully. He would never say to her that she CAN'T spend her money like that- it is just one of the things that has really started to grate on him recently that he is noticing and feels unfair. There are lots of these kind of things that are just adding up over time. The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

They aren’t her children to put first though??? They’re his children.

grumpycow1 · 27/10/2023 13:39

I am not a dog owner and not bothered about them, so don’t go saying I’m ‘dogsnet’ but I think you and your brother are in the wrong. The dog was there first, why should she get rid of it? It’s not her responsibility to treat your brother’s kids either. Your brother was the one to kick the dog out of their bedroom and therefore the spare room isn’t free. If he left the arrangement they’d be able to use the room. Although it’s not the GF’s responsibility to provide a home for them!! They are still boyfriend girlfriend, not married, so they have entirely separate financials and quite rightly she spends it on her dog who she is responsible for. Even if she had spare cash it’s not her responsibility. She’s done the right thing evicting him in my eyes.

sandalsinthebin · 27/10/2023 13:39

He really needs his own place

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/10/2023 13:39

Hang on a minute! I read it that she's prioritising her dog and letting her kids go without. But they're not her kids!

Exactly, @TheFormidableMrsC, and if he was hoping the girlfriend would provide for both him and his kids, maybe he was foolish to show his hand quite so soon

Either that or the GF's got a really good bullsh1t radar, in which case good on her

ClaraBourne · 27/10/2023 13:40

Your brother wants it all his own way.

The dog was there first and will probably be there for the gf when this idiot slings his hook,

He had no place if his own snd was planning on shared custody in a place that isn't his? He has debts on top of all? Did his gf know about all that, it's a massive step to have two children in your home home half the week. Especially ones he can't afford to have, I bet it's to avoid paying for them.

No wonder she's chosen the dog! She's had a lucky escape.

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 27/10/2023 13:40

Your brother wants his partner to get rid of the dog so she can support his children financially? I'm not normally one for piling in but he sounds awful. Resenting her spending her own money on dog food and not his debt is ridiculous.

To answer your question on how your brother can salvage things? Pay off his own debt, accept that the dog is a much loved pet that isn't disposable, and get himself into the position of being able to support his own children without leaning on others.

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 27/10/2023 13:40

This has to be a reverse! Surely no one could be so thick

grumpycow1 · 27/10/2023 13:40

You don’t have to house him you know? He could present to the council as homeless when she kicks him out, or if he works, he could rent somewhere. He’d have a long wait with the council but it’s not your responsibility.

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