Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can my brother salvage this situation

1000 replies

missblooming · 27/10/2023 11:19

I'm a long time user, but have set up a new name for this as I dont want it linked to my previous posts. My brother moved in with his partner about six months ago and things were going great apart from one thing, she has a huge dog and it constantly causes rows between them. Things came to a head last week and he told her it needed to go or he would, and she basically said that's fine, my brother needed to go by the end of the month.

They were so happy together and made for a nice couple. My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew and be able to spend some more time with them- which would be great for our whole family.

The dog had been sleeping in the GF room when he moved in, which obviously he wasnt happy with so she moved it to a spare room, but when the kids come to stay they dont like staying in what they call the 'dogs room'. Obviously it lets them know where they are in the pecking order! My DB asked for it to go in the kitchen and the GF started to dig her heels in and its become a real bone of contention.

Apart from the dog, I have never seen my brother so happy. It seems a shame that a relationship can be ruined for such a silly reason. I want to help him salvage it, but not sure where to go from here. He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him.

How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids.

OP posts:
badhappenings · 27/10/2023 13:26

Another point is, if your brother cares so much about his children, why doesn't he let the dog sleep in her/their bedroom and make the spare room really nice for his children?

Or does he just want it all his way and compromise his children in doing so?

DaftyInTheMiddle · 27/10/2023 13:27

LadyGrinningSoul85 · 27/10/2023 13:19

If she's the type to pick a bloody dog over him, he's well rid.

I've said it many times, dog owners are obsessive and weird and dogs are horrible.
I wouldn't want to live with one either.

Why do people post such banal shite. “Dog owners are the devil” has been done to death on MN.

Go be odious elsewhere

notlucreziaborgia · 27/10/2023 13:27

LadyGrinningSoul85 · 27/10/2023 13:19

If she's the type to pick a bloody dog over him, he's well rid.

I've said it many times, dog owners are obsessive and weird and dogs are horrible.
I wouldn't want to live with one either.

😂😂😂

he’s well rid of…living with his girlfriend instead of his sister. Meanwhile, she’s rid of a man that can’t afford to live independently, is indebted, and expects her to both rearrange her house and finance his children. As if he actually thought he was in the position to present her with an ultimatum. You can remove the dog entirely from the equation and she’d still be dodging a massive bullet.

I don’t think he’s the one ‘well rid’ here.

LastNightIDreamtIWasAtManderleyAgain · 27/10/2023 13:27

#TeamDog

Nevermind31 · 27/10/2023 13:27

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

I just don’t understand why you and your brother think it is her responsibility to provide a better life for his children than he can??? Why should she change her financial priorities? She is better off without your entire family.
are YOU buying cheaper food for your household so that your brother can treat his children?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/10/2023 13:28

My DB was getting his life back on track, and had hoped with his new living arrangements that he would get joint custody of my niece and nephew ...

Regardless of the dog, women and their homes don't exist to get men's lives "back on track" and I have to wonder just how much his ex was being used

He may or may be have acted responsibly towards his kids, but it doesn't sound as if he was doing much for this latest ex, so good on her for calling it a day

1990thatsme · 27/10/2023 13:28

@missblooming Is this a reverse? I just can’t believe you genuinely cannot see how MASSIVELY UNREASONABLE your DB is.

He wants to live with this woman so he can pay less for his DC (and presumably have a live in nanny) and he resents what she spends on her dog???!!! It’s not his money, not his house, and they aren’t her kids.

I hope she wakes up to what a user she’s saddled with and drops him back in the pond.

Queucumber · 27/10/2023 13:28

What an utter cocklodger.

ActDottie · 27/10/2023 13:29

“How can we help her see that she’s being unreasonable?”

Sorry but she’s not. Spending £80 on a bag of food for a dog is pretty standard. Our food costs £65 a bag and that’s not for a big dog.

I wouldn’t want my dog sleeping in the kitchen either.

The dog came first. He gave her an ultimatum and she chose the dog. She’s not unreasonable to make that choice.

ScribblingPixie · 27/10/2023 13:29

This can't be real. If it is, this woman is well rid your DB - and you as agitator, OP.

Judydoes2 · 27/10/2023 13:29

I'm also another one who wants to know what 'Get his life back on track' means.

Or I'll continue to think it means 'he'd found someone who accepted his children living with them who he could live with for nowt next to nowt meaning I got my home back and got rid of him off my sofa.

HermioneWeasley · 27/10/2023 13:30

Mycathaschartreuseeyes · 27/10/2023 13:19

Not only do I hope the GF sticks to her guns and slings out the OP's cocklodging CF brother; but I hope she adopts a pack of huskies, feeds them and her big dog on £80 kibble, hitches them all up on a chariot, and rides them past OP's house every day Toyah Wilcox style. So that the CF OP and her sofa surfing CF brother can watch her enjoying her glorious freedom from their vile, user, misogynist family - while they count up pennies from under the sofa cushions to make up the cost of a happy meal.

glorious

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/10/2023 13:30

Hang on a minute! I read it that she's prioritising her dog and letting her kids go without. But they're not her kids! They are not her responsibility at all! What a nerve you both have. She's dodged a bullet I'd say!

PaterPower · 27/10/2023 13:30

Possibly one of the most CF attitudes I’ve ever read about on this site, and I’ve read Stately Homes!

Well done to the GF for seeing this guy for what he is and for recognising when she’s being used.

BlueEyedPeanut · 27/10/2023 13:30

Oh no. The damned dog has gone and ruined your brother's plans to have his girlfriend fund and provide for his children so he doesn't have to. What a shame she isn't that daft.

Judydoes2 · 27/10/2023 13:31
Bored Cabin Fever GIF

Me waiting for the OP to come back like

dextersontopofhiskennel · 27/10/2023 13:32

The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without. He isn't dicating how she spends her money, it is just what is adding to the resentment of the dog.

But the dog is her responsibility, his children aren't. She is neither emotionally nor financially obligated to them. And it is her money to spend as she wishes, he is resentful of something to which he is not entitled anyway! If the children go without, that's on him.

Sorry but I'm team GF.

dextersontopofhiskennel · 27/10/2023 13:32

Judydoes2 · 27/10/2023 13:31

Me waiting for the OP to come back like

Could be there for a long time........

SauronsArsehole · 27/10/2023 13:32

missblooming · 27/10/2023 12:14

You can get bags of dog food for £30 you can get bags of dog food for £80. Would you all really be able to let it wash over you that £50 is being spent on special food for the dog, rather than a special meal for actual children. And of course when you get involved with someone with kids you take on a degree of responsibilty and care for them!

the only solution you have is to model to the GF decent behaviour towards the kids.

You should get your brother a gift card for the cinema so he can be seen to treat the kids because he can’t afford to die to debt.

you should also get him a costa card you’ll top up so he can take them out for hot chocolate and cookies.

you should help him out by showing him all the free local activities and how he can make it affordable by making packed lunches and taking flasks of tea/hot chocolate out for park, museum, beach and woodland trips. Kids will love it and you can model to the GF how to make the perfect bento lunches for pennies.

you should show him how to access the local library because the majority do special activities in the holidays that are free to do but kids will absolutely love and he can hide in the corner whilst they take part looking up better paying jobs on indeed. The library even have special groups to help you with this just for adults.

show him how to do it and model that behaviour for her. She’ll soon see what a great man he is and take over from you 🙃

Dweetfidilove · 27/10/2023 13:32

PinkLemons99 · 27/10/2023 12:16

YABU.

It’s simple. Your brother needs to get his shit together and get a decent paying job where he can afford his own place and to fully support HIS children.

It’s not his girlfriend’s job to subsidise him. She’s done nothing wrong here and it sounds like she’s realised that your brother is a cocklodger. Good for her!

If he was that bothered about his kids, he’d be prioritising increasing his finances over finding a girlfriend.

Buying a more expensive bag of kibble dog food is not spoiling the dog. Our dog gets meat and veg meals cooked in the pressure cooker by DH 3 times a week and I’d say he’s probably a bit spoilt. 😂

Edited

Can you imagine begrudging a dog some good food 😄.

She’s seen the measure of him and that’s why she seems so unbothered about him going.

Can’t say I blame her either. Wish more women were as quick to action as she is, cos he’s just fixing to bleed her dry while she accommodates his children 🙄.

Countryliving0180 · 27/10/2023 13:32

She's the only one being reasonable

Hibiscrubbed · 27/10/2023 13:32

The dog is treated like a prince whilst the children go without

Your brother doesn’t have access to his children and there’s obviously a reason for that. A reason you’re not acknowledging.

You and your stupid brother seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that this poor woman needs to change how she lives her life to facilitate your brother’s life and to make up for his failings in regards to his children.

No. It’s your brother’s job to provide a life for his kids, not his girlfriend’s.

The pair of you are so unreasonable.

Iamclearlyamug · 27/10/2023 13:33

Am I the only one hoping for once, that this DOES get picked up by the Mail or similar? 🤣🤣

I hope the ex-GF sees it and knows how awesome we all think she is.

Hopefully she'll then name the cocklodger bf, thus doing a service to all womankind who will absolutely know to avoid him and his batshit sister 👌👏

vodkaredbullgirl · 27/10/2023 13:33
Friends Kids GIF by Storyful

This is his ex g/f now

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/10/2023 13:33

Oh, and while I'm in Ranty Mode, @missblooming - you need to recognise that you're not thinking of your brother, you're thinking of yourself.

From your OP: "How can we help her see that she is being unreasonable, or how can my brother let this go? I really don't want him moving back in here, and it will also mean that he is further away from getting shared custody of his kids."
And there it is. "I REALLY DON'T WANT HIM MOVING BACK IN HERE".

And "He has gone from indifference to the dog to being absolutely fixated on it as the problem- things like she'll spend £80 on a bag of food when he's trying to clear credit card debt and cant afford to take the kids to the cinema, he just cant see past it, particularly now shes picked the dog over him."
Suggests he thinks she should be subsidising him. And that you agree.

Your brother has User tendencies. I suspect you do to.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.