Was my bf BU when he said my vagina is loose?

[shamelesschocaholic]

I’m mortified to be posting this, but I want to show him this thread as we have just had words for the second time in two days!

I am a perimenopausal 46 year old woman. Without blowing my own trumpet, I still look good for my age, I wear a size 10 and I still like to have fun.

I have three kids with an ex partner who I was with for over 20 years. I’m in a fairly new (1 year) relationship and I’m madly crazy in love.

ivw been getting lots of UTIs which I think is due to perimenopause. Yesterday bf helpfully sent me a link to something he saw on YouTube about this and women’s sexual health generally.

When we discussed it, he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children. I was devastated by this comment, I actually felt so hurt. He can’t see what he said wrong as it’s “the truth”.

We have barely spoken, when I said earlier I have to get over it or end our relationship as it’s going to impact our (what I thought was an amazing) sex life he’s made me feel as if I’ve over reacted and am being sensitive. He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me when - before that he referred to how we always pride pursue on being open and I’d said that women are told negative things from young about their vaginas and it’s really knocked me confidence

pleasw let me know how you would have taken this as I’m so upset that he genuinely can’t see how upsetting this is and has tried to make me feel like I’m overreacting?

And dear god, a man reading about women’s bodies then thinking he should teach you about them.

No, I could not date a person this stupid even if I could put the cruelty aside.

I don't think I could get past this either. He needs gone.

I have had children and am now dating again after the end of a long marriage. I got some pelvic floor weights and the def helped me feel more confident having sex post kids with a new partner. But this was something I did a year ago, whilst single, for me, and mainly because I found trampolines challenging.

He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me

Thats such a manipulative comment because you’ll be constantly on edge wondering what he’s not saying.

Oh and my friends husband said this after she had two kids with him and it was a deal for starting to look at ‘anal sex to give him that tighter feel’

also change for stds - all of them - they could be your uti cause

His comments was not fostering openness and honesty but designed to undermine your confidence.

Oh and when he has finished vocally critiquing your vagina - he will continue with all of your other ‘perceived’ flaws. He will ruin your self esteem and confidence.

Find a real man that appreciates your real body and don’t allow this nasty little man to hurt you any further.

It is screaming Andrew Tate to me, this is not a man that values or respects women op.

Yeah you won't get over this. He's ruined it.

His comments WERE not

After she'd had his kids.. 🤢
Men are such a disappointment.

I’d never let him touch me ever again.

No, I love anal - he actually followed it with an “I can fuck your arse joke” which I’d usually find hysterical

He has zero, and I mean zero respect for you. The bigger question is do you have any respect for yourself?

Obviously this is a man who doesn't want to have sex with you again.

That's probably more to do with the lack of "baggage"

I feel sick reading that.

As many posters have already said, I'm getting "small dick energy" coming through.

Let us know what he says when you show him this thread.

Exactly.. sounds like OP is gonna forgive and forget though. She will be insecure forever.

I would link this and tell him you are looking forward to enjoying the results

https://london-andrology.co.uk/services/urogenital-health/penis-enlargement/

I’m so upset that he genuinely can’t see how upsetting this is and has tried to make me feel like I’m overreacting?

Of course he knows it’s upsetting. This whole episode is emotionally abusive.

Is this really the first time he’s emotionally abused you or have you excused other comments?

With an attitude like that it's amazing he has any other vaginas to compare yourself to. Why haven't you dumped him yet?
Sounds like his cock is tiny if he isn't getting enough sensation from your entirely normal vagina.

Needledick !!

Textbook negging with the comment about you being "loose"

Textbook gaslighting about "that's not what I meant"

Textbook DARVO "oh now I have to be careful what I say to you because your reaction is the problem, not my comment"

These are not things you "need to get over" - the fact that you're upset shows you have strong boundaries and self-worth. Get rid asap.

I used to work many years ago for the NHS. One gynaecologist who was rather blunt used to describe ladies who had delivered many children as being 'like a pencil in a jam jar' . Good job the patient never heard that ! What a charmer - poor ladies.

Um.. this does not sound like a beautiful madly in love relationship. I'd want out immediately.

Have you always had such little respect for yourself op?
Everyone is saying the same thing but you are excusing his behaviour.
He knew exactly what he was saying!

I'm afraid for you op that you are currently trapped in love and hope and future blindness. It's happened to us all.

You're not thinking straight.

This is an awful comment. Awful. On so many levels. And the follow up even worse.

He must know that that is a horrible thing to say to anyone. If he doesn't, then he is off the charts dim. As I'm sure he does know, it makes him deeply deeply unkind.

That is the reality.

Dismissing your feelings is probably worse. It makes him misogynistic/superior.

Personally, I value myself far far higher than this, and would have ended it on the spot.