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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was my bf BU when he said my vagina is loose?

329 replies

shamelesschocaholic · 23/08/2023 11:59

I’m mortified to be posting this, but I want to show him this thread as we have just had words for the second time in two days!

I am a perimenopausal 46 year old woman. Without blowing my own trumpet, I still look good for my age, I wear a size 10 and I still like to have fun.

I have three kids with an ex partner who I was with for over 20 years. I’m in a fairly new (1 year) relationship and I’m madly crazy in love.

ivw been getting lots of UTIs which I think is due to perimenopause. Yesterday bf helpfully sent me a link to something he saw on YouTube about this and women’s sexual health generally.

When we discussed it, he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children. I was devastated by this comment, I actually felt so hurt. He can’t see what he said wrong as it’s “the truth”.

We have barely spoken, when I said earlier I have to get over it or end our relationship as it’s going to impact our (what I thought was an amazing) sex life he’s made me feel as if I’ve over reacted and am being sensitive. He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me when - before that he referred to how we always pride pursue on being open and I’d said that women are told negative things from young about their vaginas and it’s really knocked me confidence

pleasw let me know how you would have taken this as I’m so upset that he genuinely can’t see how upsetting this is and has tried to make me feel like I’m overreacting?

OP posts:
ActDottie · 23/08/2023 13:40

IDidntbuyThefridge · 23/08/2023 12:01

Maybe the issue is just his penis is too small …..

My first thought too!!!

Coriolise · 23/08/2023 13:42

I can see how in the context of discussing your health, UTIs, and downstairs problems conversations can get blunt and matter of fact. Ive had similar convos with my DH about how long he now takes to finish and it’s to be expected as he isn’t a 20yr old any more.

The problem is more that once he saw he’d struck a nerve, he’s still refusing to apologise to you? That’s really off. Even when you unintentionally hurt someone you should still apologise so why is he turning it back on you and making you feel like the asshole for just wanting recognition that he crossed a line from matter of fact what happens to our bodies due to age and childbirth into hurtful territory?

He should have apologised immediately and reassured you on your attractiveness, how you feel amazing and how good the sex is…and so on.

There’s honesty and then there’s not giving a damn if he’s hurt you, and he’s in the latter category.

TeeBee · 23/08/2023 13:42

Go and find someone with a bigger cock. He is a big prick but sadly doesn't have one.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 23/08/2023 13:44

If he feels big to you there's no way you're 'loose'. Agree with others that he's leading you to the path of anal so it feels 'tight' for him and probably painful for you. Get rid.

AdoraBell · 23/08/2023 13:45

As already said by others I would tell him the issue is his penis is too small.

Lastchancechica · 23/08/2023 13:48

I would be worried about having him anywhere near my children.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 23/08/2023 13:50

aflix · 23/08/2023 13:13

If your arse can manage his large penis and you love it, I'm not surprised he finds your perfectly normal vagina loose OP.

It's an unexpected consequence I'm afraid.

Very true.

A lot of women can’t do anal even with if they wanted to because their DPs penis is too big.

The fact that you can do it easily suggests he has a small or small-average penis.

Which isn’t a bad thing but it would be understandable that he finds you lose.

Crochetablanket · 23/08/2023 13:52

These stuck out to me OP

‘he’s made me feel as if I’ve over reacted and am being sensitive ‘ this is almost gaslighting

‘He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me’ abusive and controlling

BUT even if he isn’t abusive or cruel who actually says something like that to a person they care about and love. NO ONE.

Sorry - I couldn’t move past this one. He has shown his true colours and you deserve more.

Overdemanding · 23/08/2023 13:55

Isthisit22 · 23/08/2023 13:26

Sorry that these comments are hard to read op but people are just trying to warn you.
He has probably love bombed you- treated you like a princess at first and now he is undermining your confidence so that he can control and abuse you. It is textbook. If you stay, it will continue/ get worse and your self esteem will become so low that you’ll struggle to leave him.
Please believe people who can see more clearly from the outside.
ps. Your UTIs may be from too vigorous sex (esp if he’s large he may be hitting your bladder) or transfer of germs from anal.

Do you recognise anything here OP? It makes a lot of sense.

I also agree the UTIs are probably down to him.

Skodacool · 23/08/2023 13:56

I agree with the tiny dick comments. Say it then ask him how he feels.

ImABox · 23/08/2023 13:57

shamelesschocaholic · 23/08/2023 12:42

No, I love anal - he actually followed it with an “I can fuck your arse joke” which I’d usually find hysterical

Show quote history

Er no. That’s not a joke you follow with. He sounds even worse now sorry.

He can have said something wrong, but it’s the telling you you are not upset/shouldn’t be offended that’s the issue if he’s not grovelling and hugely apologetic. No more sex for him them, and he thought he was going Anal all the way from now on.

crimewatcher · 23/08/2023 13:59

Oh OP I used to worry my under carriage was loose once upon a time, really worked myself up about it and even bought a machine that supposedly tightens it. Confused
I used to go on about it to DH, who constantly reassured me, it wasn't loose. If he had of said it was I think I would be so hurt and devastated tbh. I feel for you, that must have stung you so badly.

Ghosttofu99 · 23/08/2023 14:01

He’s being a complete idiot. It sounds like he is confused between the vagina and pelvic floor. I’ve recently had a spate of UTIs and one of the many things I’ve been doing to avoid a recurrence is pelvic floor exercises. (Even if he did mean vagina I’ve read that studies say the whole loose vagina thing is generally a myth and probably a sexist one)

Can help you with your friend but the peri menopause effecting your hormones could be thinning the skin on your vulva which may increase UTIs. (I would google the NHS page for you but in a rush right now sorry) so I think the answer might be discussing oestrogen cream for down there with your Doctor.

OriginalUsername2 · 23/08/2023 14:03

shamelesschocaholic · 23/08/2023 11:59

I’m mortified to be posting this, but I want to show him this thread as we have just had words for the second time in two days!

I am a perimenopausal 46 year old woman. Without blowing my own trumpet, I still look good for my age, I wear a size 10 and I still like to have fun.

I have three kids with an ex partner who I was with for over 20 years. I’m in a fairly new (1 year) relationship and I’m madly crazy in love.

ivw been getting lots of UTIs which I think is due to perimenopause. Yesterday bf helpfully sent me a link to something he saw on YouTube about this and women’s sexual health generally.

When we discussed it, he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children. I was devastated by this comment, I actually felt so hurt. He can’t see what he said wrong as it’s “the truth”.

We have barely spoken, when I said earlier I have to get over it or end our relationship as it’s going to impact our (what I thought was an amazing) sex life he’s made me feel as if I’ve over reacted and am being sensitive. He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me when - before that he referred to how we always pride pursue on being open and I’d said that women are told negative things from young about their vaginas and it’s really knocked me confidence

pleasw let me know how you would have taken this as I’m so upset that he genuinely can’t see how upsetting this is and has tried to make me feel like I’m overreacting?

I would have said “Okay, wow.” at his bluntness but appreciate that it was a mistake by this point.

(I’m a Squeezy app user and we’re open about these things too.)

ArcaneWireless · 23/08/2023 14:03

ive really found some comments helpful, others have been hurtful so I’m going to go off and have a think about things but won’t be reading anymore as I feel shit enough as it is.

Fair enough. We are but random strangers on the internet.

Just think though that the person who made you feel ‘shit enough as it is’ in the the first place is not a random. Not a stranger. Not someone who wants you to see that you are so much more than just a set of holes.

The person who has made you feel shit (because he thinks one of them is not up to par) is the person you say loves you.

OriginalUsername2 · 23/08/2023 14:03

(Sorry I quoted the whole thread, gah)

Beurla · 23/08/2023 14:05

I know you are in love with him, and so probably will try to explain this one away, but please, please keep this in your mind for the future, and try to hold on to yourself still.

This is his true colours coming out. A man who truly loved you would never, ever, say those comments.

Fraaahnces · 23/08/2023 14:13

Sounds like the kind of guy that would ask the obstetrician to put an extra stitch in when he was sewing up an episiotomy.

MeAgainPeeps · 23/08/2023 14:15

I couldn't have sex with him ever again. I'd be on edge the whole time. I think it's a very insensitive thing to say. I'd have instant ick.

FireflyJar · 23/08/2023 14:17

Should have said, it depends if you're throwing a sausage or a cannon down an alleyway. No?

JANEY205 · 23/08/2023 14:19

Are you getting UTIs from anal? What some women find funny and put up with is, is really sad. His comment about your ‘arse’ was disrespectful and I suspect the real root of him saying you feel loose.

2jacqi · 23/08/2023 14:21

sorry but I agree with everyone above! what a bloody cheek he has! get rid of him pronto. as regards your UTI's I would seriously consider going to well woman clinic and having a test!! just to safeguard yourself.

becarefulofyourheart · 23/08/2023 14:22

I had one boyfriend who said this once. I was twenty-one and had had no kids. He also claimed he was just being honest. Not being funny but he did have a really small penis…

Your man is mental saying that, I agree it’s a no-no.

2jacqi · 23/08/2023 14:22

Just how many vaginas has he "inspected"???????

caringcarer · 23/08/2023 14:24

VeridicalVagabond · 23/08/2023 12:11

Suck your teeth and ask him why none of the women he's had sex with in the past have been properly aroused, has he only recently learned how to have sex properly?

Or make a throwaway "oh my ex never had a problem, but then his penis was far bigger and girthier than yours" and see how he likes it.

This.