Was my bf BU when he said my vagina is loose?

[shamelesschocaholic]

I’m mortified to be posting this, but I want to show him this thread as we have just had words for the second time in two days!

I am a perimenopausal 46 year old woman. Without blowing my own trumpet, I still look good for my age, I wear a size 10 and I still like to have fun.

I have three kids with an ex partner who I was with for over 20 years. I’m in a fairly new (1 year) relationship and I’m madly crazy in love.

ivw been getting lots of UTIs which I think is due to perimenopause. Yesterday bf helpfully sent me a link to something he saw on YouTube about this and women’s sexual health generally.

When we discussed it, he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children. I was devastated by this comment, I actually felt so hurt. He can’t see what he said wrong as it’s “the truth”.

We have barely spoken, when I said earlier I have to get over it or end our relationship as it’s going to impact our (what I thought was an amazing) sex life he’s made me feel as if I’ve over reacted and am being sensitive. He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me when - before that he referred to how we always pride pursue on being open and I’d said that women are told negative things from young about their vaginas and it’s really knocked me confidence

pleasw let me know how you would have taken this as I’m so upset that he genuinely can’t see how upsetting this is and has tried to make me feel like I’m overreacting?

I wouldn't be able to get past this so would be done with this relationship, but not before I'd pointed out that perhaps the size of his penis had something to do with it, as getting loose after having children just isn't how vaginas work.

he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children
No, your vagina isn't 'loose'. He just has a tiny dick.

LTB

I've seen stuff online about how to 'prime' your female partner to agree to regular/only anal sex. This is one of the tactics.

Shut him down now.

Same goes for skinny ones.

My thought too.

I would be really upset and wouldn't enjoy sex with that person again.

Your vagina isn't "loose." Vaginas don't get loose. Read the links above about that. So what you've got here is a little pig who is stupid, uneducated, manipulative and bad in bed. Get rid of him. You'll have a much better time alone.

He's negging. A lot of men do this. The UTIs are concerning, get checked for STDs as he may be cheating. He sounds nasty. Move on from him and find a decent man who'll treat you with respect not insult you. Do show him this thread so he can see for himself what we all think of a man who behaves like this.

What strikes me here is that if the conversation was about UTIs, there was absolutely no reason for the size of your vagina to be mentioned. It's not relevant to your sexual health

Size no. But vaginal dryness/atrophy is a massive contributing factor to getting repeated UTIs. Ask me how I know...

Topical oestrogen creams can work wonders for the UTIs caused by dryness OP, but won't do much about your numpty of a partner.

He obviously has a small dick.

Only just learnt this word recently, and I've discovered how a narc used to do this to me. Well he still does but just blocked him for good.
I don't get it.. why say this awful stuff, loose vagina, fat pubic area, "not used to bigger women", constant sleazing on young women. This is the opposite way to make us feel sexual and wanted, thus sex is less and they complain.
The men who make a woman feel like a goddess are the happy ones.

From a man’s perspective, that is a truly awful thing to say. Very cruel and will make you very self conscious. What a complete idiot.

Just to explain things though from how it feels sexually to a man, having had different partners over the years, some women feel “looser” than others. It can make it harder to climax as a result. Changing positions helps with it. Sorry to be vulgar but also women that getting very wet can also have a similar feeling too. Not that you would ever say these things to your partner!

Im sure different penises feel different to you ladies too.

He should never, ever have opened his mouth though and that will definitely affect intimacy now.

Thank you for your comments everyone, I know he loves me and I don’t believe it was said to hurt me. He actually has a big dick and we have a brilliant sex life so it wasn’t said about sex, it was said during a conversation about this American doc on YouTube who was taking about many things including UtIs.

the comment that I’m loose was a throw away comment, that really hurt me. There’s fuck all I can do about that, but he doesn’t understand when I say that’s going to be on my mind every time he’s inside me.

Just tell him that your ex's dick was so huge that it must have stretched it.....

This also for negging and gaslighting you - get rid

you can not - I at least I couldn’t come back from this -

Tell him from me that he's a fuckin idiot who doesn't deserve you.
Who the actual fuck actually believes they have the right to comment on a woman's vagina plus the uneducated twat is completely, medically wrong.
Ask him if he expected you to thank him for mansplaining what's wrong with your vagina with his obviously vast medical knowledge of vaginas.
Dump him back in the penis pool.
Does he seriously expect you to ever sleep with him again?
How could you ever relax and put your trust in him knowing that he thinks you've got a flappy bag and is quite happy to tell you so

I'm afraid many men are like that. I've noticed that since we separated, my ex has dated childless women. He seems to make a point of it.

Slightly off-topic, but this is also why men pester women for anal sex. Not interested in your pleasure (or pain or discomfort, more like) - all about them and optimal gratification

He's not worth your time. You would be better off single.

I'd think:

It's very unlikely this would be correct unless you have extremely unusual anatomy or horrific birth injuries, and things like tampons just fall straight out of you. Assuming this isn't the case I'd then think:

He doesn't have a basic knowledge of women's anatomy. Vaginas are stretchy

He must have a small penis or be used to anal if he actually believes this

He has no clue about UTIs

He is not kind. Just because something is true (or in this case not) doesn't mean it needs to be said (unless its something like 'you've got spinach in your teeth' that is said to help someone)

His reaction to you telling him that he upset you, is shit. I'd be upset and sorry if I made a comment that hurt someone I loved. I wouldn't double down and blame them for being too sensitive

No adult is this clueless and lacking in empathy. I’d fucking get rid.

Seems like a lot of deflective words to say 'I have a small penis'.

NGL, this would be a dealbreaker.

What a foul pig he sounds @shamelesschocaholic

Hope you're OK.

I’m sorry for you, but there is something really wrong with him. Really wrong.

He doesn’t love you - by the way- loving partners don’t say this - this is not fact - this is not how vaginas work and you aren’t baggy - abusers hide in plain site and come across ‘I love you so I’m saying this for your benefit’…. Etc most partners that are abusive (not all) change either at marriage, pregnancy, when they move on or about a year in - when they have got you ‘hooked’ that they are lovely - obvious abusers mean you pull out of the relationship quicker

Yeah I've heard this too, from men being very honest, some good men some bad.
I've always had the opposite problem where I've struggled to get them in, even below average, not a problem to be jealous of.. very painful.

They say they've been with looser ones but not related to birth, they've been with virgins who were loose from the beginning and women who've had 5 kids and felt normal. It's about body composition I guess.

They shouldn't be commenting on it and making a woman feel shit.