Was my bf BU when he said my vagina is loose?

[shamelesschocaholic]

I’m mortified to be posting this, but I want to show him this thread as we have just had words for the second time in two days!

I am a perimenopausal 46 year old woman. Without blowing my own trumpet, I still look good for my age, I wear a size 10 and I still like to have fun.

I have three kids with an ex partner who I was with for over 20 years. I’m in a fairly new (1 year) relationship and I’m madly crazy in love.

ivw been getting lots of UTIs which I think is due to perimenopause. Yesterday bf helpfully sent me a link to something he saw on YouTube about this and women’s sexual health generally.

When we discussed it, he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children. I was devastated by this comment, I actually felt so hurt. He can’t see what he said wrong as it’s “the truth”.

We have barely spoken, when I said earlier I have to get over it or end our relationship as it’s going to impact our (what I thought was an amazing) sex life he’s made me feel as if I’ve over reacted and am being sensitive. He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me when - before that he referred to how we always pride pursue on being open and I’d said that women are told negative things from young about their vaginas and it’s really knocked me confidence

pleasw let me know how you would have taken this as I’m so upset that he genuinely can’t see how upsetting this is and has tried to make me feel like I’m overreacting?

I'm not a violent person at all but I really think I may have just spontaneously punched him without thinking even about it?! 😡WTAF?! He obviously has given no thought whatsoever to the fact that this is normal for a woman who has had 3 children and is no longer 'in the flush of youth' so to speak!') but even if he thinks it what gives him the right, or consider for one second, that it was appropriate, kind, sensitive or caring to actually SAY those words out loud?! 😱

I've already mentioned gay men. Are they coercing each other?

It's different for men as they have a prostate so will get a level of enjoyment from it that women will not.

I won’t comment on the rest of it, but I am peri and also get lots of UTIs. When adjusting my HRT I talked to my GP, who marvellously said you just need some local oestrogen, so prescribed just that! I now use a 10mg pessary twice a week and UTIs are gone!

ignorant statement

I think how you feel with your partner and hormones can make a huge difference to the size your vagina feels.
Years ago I was in a relationship. I was young with no children and physically much fitter than I am now BUT awful sex.. it was like my vagina walls were purposely trying to not touch my boyfriend's penis.
I think it was a mix of being on the wrong birth control and not being comfortable with the boyfriend.
Now 20 years later.. after childbirth and peri menopausal and definitely not as toned and fit It's the complete opposite. I could never imagine if there was any issues in the bedroom though that my DH would talk to me like ops partner has. How could he not realise how hurtful his comment was going to be?

It doesn't matter whether it is true or not, it matters that he thought it was an acceptable thing to say to you. With such poor judgement he won't make a good lifelong partner.

both UTIs and vagina muscles relate to strenght of the pelvic floor.

Harness the power of your loose fanny and queef right in his face! That'll learn him!

If it is loose, than I dont see anything wrong in mentioning it per se. Only you know how the conversation came about and how he said it. My impression from your post is that you are a bit selfconscious about your age and whether you still come across as a young fun person and somehow having an age appropriate vagina doesnt fit the picture in your eyes.
Also, if it is loose, your pelvic muscles are likely to be loose which may well be connected to UTI problems.

He must just have a tiny cock! Please don't let this knock your confidence

Ok woman may not have a prostate but you are saying they cannot get sexual stimulation from anal sex, why?

@AntiSocial6DaysAWeek No wonder the NHS is on it's knees because of all the ripped bowels from anal sex taking up the wards 🙄

It not ripped bowels that's the problem, it's faecal incontinence in later life.

We've already got thread somewhere from a women whose 'D'H shits the bed every time he farts 😊

Er, yes. Awful. Unfortunately that’s the way it’s going. I was reading an article in a research journal today that referred to “people who menstruate” all the way through.

I made no reference to her sexual preference nor was I sex shaming her. He stated his opinion during a conversation, apologized when he realized he upset her.

Absolutely this. Every single woman on the planet knows not to tell a man is his cock is too small. I can't believe men don't know to something similar about a woman's vagina.

He's a complete arsehole. Please get rid of him.

OP, you don't have a "loose" vagina. Your poor DP has a small penis.
(And a self-esteem issue in which he needs to make you feel inadequate so he can feel good about himself)
Move on.

Totally agree with this.

The stand out thing for me in this thread is just how many people can't be arsed to read threads, or even just the OP's posts.

She's already said he's got a big penis so post after post saying "he's got a small dick" is as pathetic as he is.

Well I'm definitely not a man and it's sooooo good. Can only imagine how it is for men.

It could be him in another way. He might have got used to holding himself too tightly whilst masturbating.

I find this thread slightly interesting, because as a lesbian I too definitely feel a difference with each woman (irrelevant of if they have given birth or not) but it’s not so much as loose vs tight and more of a tighter vs less tight. And I have always associated it more naturally with muscle tones, level of arousal, where they are in their cycles as well as other factors like this…

Of course personally I don’t care either way as the sensation is the same, since unlike men I don’t really benefit sensation wise from a woman being “tighter” (actually quite the opposite, if I had to pick I prefer it when I have most freedom of movement) and for me how tight or not they feel really have zero incidence in how much I enjoy sex with them and enjoy my experience and appreciate their body. So I personally didn’t realize until the very uproar in this thread that acknowledging those small differences could definitely cut some women so deep, and touch upon their insecurities (and while I wouldn’t ever think to mention things like this to anyone as what’s the point? I could definitely imagine myself honestly answering the question if one was to ask me if they feel tighter or less tight than people I have been with before.) So, while he was maybe a bit of a dick for volunteering the information, I would give him the benefit of the doubt maybe that maybe it was said in good faith in which he couldn’t truly grasp that this would make you insecure but would let him no explicitly how his words hurt and impacted you and his response to this and how he behaves/what he says/volunteers moving forward would be what sets the tone for me in terms of what to do regarding him.

As for anal sex. I have never understood why some people can’t grasp that some women really genuinely do like anal. I don’t (I don’t hate it but I just don’t care for it enough to want it to be a part of my regular sex life on my hand), but I have been with other fellow lesbians (including some that definitely haven’t ever been with a man nor have any real way to be pressured by males or into pleasing them in anyway) who do enjoy anal and liked it as a fairly regular part of our sexual life. As someone who feels meh about it, I am definitely questioning how they can love it, because I can’t physically relate but they definitely did and it had nothing to do with men and pleasing their partner (aka me who would have happily happily skipped anal, even on them) and all to do with them and the feeling it gave them, which was pleasure.

Again woman’s anatomy is fascinating and the same way every woman is different in what she likes and what’s most likely to make her orgasm it’s really not that far-fetched to grasp that some do like anal sex and other practices that someone else might hate. Are some co-erced into anal sex? Definitely! Are some genuinely loving it irrelevant of men? Absolutely.

The same way most women like penetrative sex (with or without men) and yet plenty of women don’t like penetration and only want clit stimulation. Women who genuinely enjoy the sensation of a penis (or anything) inside their vagina aren’t anymore gaslighted by men into loving it than women who genuinely enjoy feeling the same thing inside a different orificio. In the same way, some women love performing oral sex for the pleasure it gives as well as receiving it and some hate it (including in the lesbian world). No two women are the same, so it’s not because I can’t relate to someone’s likings and preferences that I should have room to deny their experience and undermine their tastes and preferences.

I don’t find it liberating to assume that any woman who likes something differing from what the majority of women might like that she is automatically cohersed, abused, or lying. Most truly liberated women I know have a completely varied sex life because it is liberating to not be stuck liking only what’s “societally acceptable” to like.

Most likely this.

Think you might have meant to say that the OP is NOT being unreasonable?! 🙄