Was my bf BU when he said my vagina is loose?

[shamelesschocaholic]

I’m mortified to be posting this, but I want to show him this thread as we have just had words for the second time in two days!

I am a perimenopausal 46 year old woman. Without blowing my own trumpet, I still look good for my age, I wear a size 10 and I still like to have fun.

I have three kids with an ex partner who I was with for over 20 years. I’m in a fairly new (1 year) relationship and I’m madly crazy in love.

ivw been getting lots of UTIs which I think is due to perimenopause. Yesterday bf helpfully sent me a link to something he saw on YouTube about this and women’s sexual health generally.

When we discussed it, he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children. I was devastated by this comment, I actually felt so hurt. He can’t see what he said wrong as it’s “the truth”.

We have barely spoken, when I said earlier I have to get over it or end our relationship as it’s going to impact our (what I thought was an amazing) sex life he’s made me feel as if I’ve over reacted and am being sensitive. He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me when - before that he referred to how we always pride pursue on being open and I’d said that women are told negative things from young about their vaginas and it’s really knocked me confidence

pleasw let me know how you would have taken this as I’m so upset that he genuinely can’t see how upsetting this is and has tried to make me feel like I’m overreacting?

It’s a dick move to say that. I would watch him like a HAWK for any other undermining or belittling behaviour.

Anything more like this, get rid.

Share your fabulous vagina with someone with manners.

In my experience people who pride themselves of telling the truth or "telling it like it is" are usually just trying to hide what a dick they are.

Well theres something up with you for you to declare no woman enjoys it. That's a massively incorrect statement and you can't speak for all women.
So something bothers you about it. Maybe a partner has pressured you for it and made you feel shit about it? Well that is wrong and no-one should be pressured or made to feel like a prude. But you shouldn't say what you're saying either.

It was really insensitive of him

But i do think you are over reacting if you are barely speaking to him and are thinking about whether to end the relationship.

No - it’s relevant. She’s too big, versus he’s too small !!

OP this man is not worth your time. You’re deeply attached to him so you can’t see it/can’t bear the idea of not being with him. But it’s self destructive to stay with him.

No one with a modicum of sensitivity or intelligence would ever say that to someone. Unless they were deliberately wielding the power to demean.

He knew exactly what he was saying. All this cod innocence about it is an insult to your intelligence.

OP said in her second post that he has a big dick and let's face it, she is the only one on here who knows. All the "he's too small" is a bit childish, bit like an adult version of "my dad's bigger than your dad."

Regardless of size, is it clean?

I would be irritated by the 'helpful' youtube video too, what an irritating man!

Yes if she's getting repeated UTIs that is much more of an issue. I wonder what his job is? I used to know someone whose husband was a mechanic, he was careful about keeping clean but she kept getting UTIs. He got promoted into a manager's job, no dirty hands and the infections more or less stopped, she was always a bit inclined to get them but his job seemed to be an issue.

My ex told me it was like throwing a sausage up an alley way the first time we had sex after giving birth. Hence he became my ex

Would be interesting to know if women who aren't in sexual relationships with men and who are peri or menopausal get many UTIs. The lining of the UT tissues/vagina can certainly thin with menopause changes, and symptoms which FEEL like cystitis are very common and can come and go, but are not actual infections. Are you actually testing positive for infection, OP?

She already does. And enjoys it. Much to the dismay of PP. Genuinely laughing at the one who said no woman that she knows likes it. Like she asked every single female she knows.

I don’t think he’s being very kind, what exactly does he expect you to do with this information? (apart from get low self esteem or do anal?) I’d consider if you want to remain in this relationship.

Eugh, I would never ever again have sex with a man who said this to me.

I see you're having anal sex with him though. Grim. He is confusing an arse with a vagina. He sounds like an arse himself. How on earth can you not be horribly turned off by this shabby nagging.

When we discussed it, he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children.

Unless his tone and intent was clearly to denigrate you, then I think you are being overly sensitive. Did you miss the second part of his sentence? He sounds like a man who knows the realities of human female anatomy, and has realistic and grounded expectations as a result. Isn't that what MN is always advocating? It clearly hasn't affected his feelings for you, or his desire to have sex with you.

💯

🤮

Your boyfriend sounds utterly UTTERLY repugnant @shamelesschocaholic Why the F are you with him? And how on earth can you 'love' anal?

Again...... 🤮

Regardless of cause or the size of his penis, totally unacceptable thing to say.

As a midwife you would be surprised how many times men have asked you to do this.

Omg. Dump him.

You do not need that small dick energy.

I think that whilst there’s probably some truth in it, and I say this as a woman who has pushed two babies through my birth canal. Who wants to hear it?!!!! I mean what a fucking own goal for a bloke who is still hoping to have sex with you.

In your position I’d be equally as mortified and I think that would probably be the end. You are very vulnerable during sex. It’s a time when you’re exposed, everything is laid out for criticism. People that hope to have sex again generally know that critiquing their partners body is likely to see an end to the sexy time. If he’s anything he’s a bit thick.

He may be used anal?

I'm starting to see why op's fella said what he said. Please don't confuse that as condoning what he said. Because its wrong imo. But from reading some of the blatant genital and kink shaming going on on this thread. Lots of people who call themselves adults think it's OK to shame someone else's genitals or sexual proclivities. And will do it at the drop of a fucking hat when it suits.

Disgusting

I can’t see how that won’t affect any future sex. There’s no way I could ever do it again with a man that said that to me. It would be a relationship ender.