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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my bf BU when he said my vagina is loose?

329 replies

shamelesschocaholic · 23/08/2023 11:59

I’m mortified to be posting this, but I want to show him this thread as we have just had words for the second time in two days!

I am a perimenopausal 46 year old woman. Without blowing my own trumpet, I still look good for my age, I wear a size 10 and I still like to have fun.

I have three kids with an ex partner who I was with for over 20 years. I’m in a fairly new (1 year) relationship and I’m madly crazy in love.

ivw been getting lots of UTIs which I think is due to perimenopause. Yesterday bf helpfully sent me a link to something he saw on YouTube about this and women’s sexual health generally.

When we discussed it, he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children. I was devastated by this comment, I actually felt so hurt. He can’t see what he said wrong as it’s “the truth”.

We have barely spoken, when I said earlier I have to get over it or end our relationship as it’s going to impact our (what I thought was an amazing) sex life he’s made me feel as if I’ve over reacted and am being sensitive. He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me when - before that he referred to how we always pride pursue on being open and I’d said that women are told negative things from young about their vaginas and it’s really knocked me confidence

pleasw let me know how you would have taken this as I’m so upset that he genuinely can’t see how upsetting this is and has tried to make me feel like I’m overreacting?

OP posts:
azlazee1 · 23/08/2023 17:41

He spoke his truth while discussing your health issue. I can't believe the crass responses posted here about his penis, etc. No insult was intended. He has apologized. If you want to break up with him over this, then maybe you'd be doing him a favor.

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2023 17:50

@PurpleButterflyWings Another sex shamer. You know it's possible to stick up for OP without shaming her sexual preference that many women share?

hookiewookie29 · 23/08/2023 17:53

Tell him it's no good having a little organ if he's going to play in a cathedral.....

kittie01 · 23/08/2023 17:54

Next time he’s over have sex with him and ask him is he in yet. Tell him you’d love to give him deep thrust but he’s simply too small. His dick is the problem and he sounds like a massive dick head

PurpleButterflyWings · 23/08/2023 17:56

hookiewookie29 · 23/08/2023 17:53

Tell him it's no good having a little organ if he's going to play in a cathedral.....

X Factor Omg GIF by X Factor Global

.

MinnieTruck · 23/08/2023 17:57

my82my · 23/08/2023 15:39

I've never met a woman in my life who enjoys anal sex.. women that are coerced into pretending they enjoy it because there going out/married to complete dickheads on the other hand.. I've met lots of women like that. I hope op finds some self esteem from somewhere and realises she doesn't need to put up with this bullshit.

Why would anyone tell you they like it up the arse when you’re full of judgement anyway? Why do you think you don’t know at least ONE woman that enjoys anal sex? You don’t know what people get up too in the bedroom.

Some women bloody enjoy it why’s that so hard to grasp?

PurpleButterflyWings · 23/08/2023 18:07

@my82my · Today 15:39

I've never met a woman in my life who enjoys anal sex.. women that are coerced into pretending they enjoy it because there going out/married to complete dickheads on the other hand.. I've met lots of women like that. I hope op finds some self esteem from somewhere and realises she doesn't need to put up with this bullshit.

This. ^

I don't see how any woman can realistically enjoy anal ex. It's minging! 🤮As you say, the vast majority are guilt-tripped/coerced into doing it, by grim men who try and convince them that they're boring - and crap in bed if they don't do it.

Unless any given man is prepared to let their woman strap an 8" dildo on, and shove it in his anus, then men can all fuck off with bullying and coercing women into anal sex.

Hankunamatata · 23/08/2023 18:10

If your doing anal like you have said you love doing - of course a vagina is going to feel loose after an anus

my82my · 23/08/2023 18:10

@MinnieTruck
I'm not judging anyone!!
I'm speaking about MY experiences with women I know well enough to speak about our sex and relationships.

Lost count of how many times over the years that I've sat across my coffee table to beautiful intelligent women: friends (I obviously didn't mean the entire female population of the universe) who have poured out that there so called loving partner out of the blue has started criticising there bodies (normally shit like this.. vaginas to flappy/not flappy enough/to big/to small. The aim of such criticism tends to be leaving there partner so insecure about herself she gives in to anal.
It's the reason so many people have responded with this in to ops post. It's because men do this shit all the time!

jazzyfips · 23/08/2023 18:11

PurpleButterflyWings · 23/08/2023 18:07

@my82my · Today 15:39

I've never met a woman in my life who enjoys anal sex.. women that are coerced into pretending they enjoy it because there going out/married to complete dickheads on the other hand.. I've met lots of women like that. I hope op finds some self esteem from somewhere and realises she doesn't need to put up with this bullshit.

This. ^

I don't see how any woman can realistically enjoy anal ex. It's minging! 🤮As you say, the vast majority are guilt-tripped/coerced into doing it, by grim men who try and convince them that they're boring - and crap in bed if they don't do it.

Unless any given man is prepared to let their woman strap an 8" dildo on, and shove it in his anus, then men can all fuck off with bullying and coercing women into anal sex.

Your post is just utter bollocks. Some women like anal sex and some don't. Some are coerced but many aren't. You think it's minging but you don't speak for all women.

MinnieTruck · 23/08/2023 18:13

my82my · 23/08/2023 18:10

@MinnieTruck
I'm not judging anyone!!
I'm speaking about MY experiences with women I know well enough to speak about our sex and relationships.

Lost count of how many times over the years that I've sat across my coffee table to beautiful intelligent women: friends (I obviously didn't mean the entire female population of the universe) who have poured out that there so called loving partner out of the blue has started criticising there bodies (normally shit like this.. vaginas to flappy/not flappy enough/to big/to small. The aim of such criticism tends to be leaving there partner so insecure about herself she gives in to anal.
It's the reason so many people have responded with this in to ops post. It's because men do this shit all the time!

That’s great. So what about the posters that have responded to you saying they do actually enjoy anal sex. Do they need to find self esteem just like you’ve suggested to the OP?

Bansheed · 23/08/2023 18:15

PurpleButterflyWings · 23/08/2023 18:07

@my82my · Today 15:39

I've never met a woman in my life who enjoys anal sex.. women that are coerced into pretending they enjoy it because there going out/married to complete dickheads on the other hand.. I've met lots of women like that. I hope op finds some self esteem from somewhere and realises she doesn't need to put up with this bullshit.

This. ^

I don't see how any woman can realistically enjoy anal ex. It's minging! 🤮As you say, the vast majority are guilt-tripped/coerced into doing it, by grim men who try and convince them that they're boring - and crap in bed if they don't do it.

Unless any given man is prepared to let their woman strap an 8" dildo on, and shove it in his anus, then men can all fuck off with bullying and coercing women into anal sex.

A lot of men do enjoy pegging and the fact is they slightly different musculature around the anus and also get pleasure from the prostate.

Pearl clutching over non-vanilla practices helps no one. Many people enjoy anal play.

I really feel for OP. Keels would help build confidence.

And the penis size shaming is not helpful either.

itgetsthehoseagain · 23/08/2023 18:16

Don't worry about your vagina being loose, OP - he'll just be able to inflate his penis to the required dimensions if he thinks about it long and hard enough.

Why on earth would he say something as hurtful as that, I wonder. Is he trying to keep you in some sort of lane?

MsRosley · 23/08/2023 18:20

So if you mentioned his dick is rather floppy, he wouldn't be offended. Yeah, right.

rwalker · 23/08/2023 18:20

Reading your update just think tactless
think we can all be guilty and n on t thinking things through when we open our mouths

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 23/08/2023 18:21

Maybe his dick is too small

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2023 18:23

PurpleButterflyWings · 23/08/2023 18:07

@my82my · Today 15:39

I've never met a woman in my life who enjoys anal sex.. women that are coerced into pretending they enjoy it because there going out/married to complete dickheads on the other hand.. I've met lots of women like that. I hope op finds some self esteem from somewhere and realises she doesn't need to put up with this bullshit.

This. ^

I don't see how any woman can realistically enjoy anal ex. It's minging! 🤮As you say, the vast majority are guilt-tripped/coerced into doing it, by grim men who try and convince them that they're boring - and crap in bed if they don't do it.

Unless any given man is prepared to let their woman strap an 8" dildo on, and shove it in his anus, then men can all fuck off with bullying and coercing women into anal sex.

Well, we do 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jillybloop393 · 23/08/2023 18:30

VeridicalVagabond · 23/08/2023 12:11

Suck your teeth and ask him why none of the women he's had sex with in the past have been properly aroused, has he only recently learned how to have sex properly?

Or make a throwaway "oh my ex never had a problem, but then his penis was far bigger and girthier than yours" and see how he likes it.

The last paragraph of this is the perfect answer!!

Personally, I'd find it hard to forget what he said, particularly when we were 'doing the deed'!! I'd definitely blame his small willy, but unless everything else in the relationship is absolutely magical, I'd want to show him the door - he's a rude, insensitive pig, and you deserve someone that makes you feel wonderful (and is better endowed!! Lol)

my82my · 23/08/2023 18:33

@MinnieTruck
I'd suggest any woman whose so called loving partner tells her her vagina is too big and then goes on to let that man have anal sex (or any sex for that matter) seeks help to raise her self esteem.
As for others who do enjoy it.. my mistake and didn't mean to offend and crack on..
I'm telling my truth though and that happens to be that every woman who has ever opened up to me about their sex life has said they don't enjoy it... but men have made them feel so bad about themselves they grit their teeth and oblige.

truthhurts23 · 23/08/2023 18:35

some men say it feels "loose" when a woman is really lubricated because there is no "grip" or friction,
but then they complain when its too "dry" too so you cant win..

I Would just dump him, what if you said to him that his dick is too small? which it probably is ..

hot2trotter · 23/08/2023 18:36

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80s · 23/08/2023 18:37

ivw been getting lots of UTIs which I think is due to perimenopause. Yesterday bf helpfully sent me a link to something he saw on YouTube about this and women’s sexual health generally.
He's quite the expert on vaginas, huh, telling you lots of things about yours?
Like others, I would imagine this could be a hygiene issue.
There's plenty of reliable information from the health services. Look here under "causes" and "prevention": https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/kidneys-bladder-and-prostate/urinary-tract-infection-uti

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2023 18:47

my82my · 23/08/2023 18:33

@MinnieTruck
I'd suggest any woman whose so called loving partner tells her her vagina is too big and then goes on to let that man have anal sex (or any sex for that matter) seeks help to raise her self esteem.
As for others who do enjoy it.. my mistake and didn't mean to offend and crack on..
I'm telling my truth though and that happens to be that every woman who has ever opened up to me about their sex life has said they don't enjoy it... but men have made them feel so bad about themselves they grit their teeth and oblige.

Thankyou. Your friends husbands are disgusting, and that's a separate issue. Your friends need to say no and not go along with it!
Eg I love anal. I hate fingering. So I don't let anyone finger me. We all have our desires and things are don't want to do.

truthhurts23 · 23/08/2023 18:51

btw those UTI are probably because of his lack of hygiene

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 23/08/2023 18:51

This reply has been deleted

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How is insulting the op like that remotely helpful?