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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you dont accidentally text your ex this....

243 replies

MaxwellCat · 27/07/2023 22:01

My ex text me the other night "I love you" we haven't spoken in around 2 months or more and we've been split up for 6 years (though we have children so still in contact sometimes) everyone has told me it was obviously an "accident" aibu to think you dont "accidentally" text your ex of 6 years that you love them? How is that an accident? We haven't spoken in 2 months so I would imagine im pretty far down on his messages, also this was text message (he is blocked on whatsapp) and i imagine 99% of people communicate over WhatsApp especially if it was meant for someone he was dating! I know I don't even text anyone anymore but he was still far down from all the other texts I receive from random places. Why do people try to say this stuff is an accident when it clearly wasn't 🤔 aibu to think you dont accidentally text your ex you love them? (Fair enough if we was just speaking a few days ago but we haven't spoken in months)

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 27/07/2023 22:38

1.Respond in the same way as him
2.Ignore him
3.Ask him if he's okay. Chat about his mental health. Explain you do ( or don't) feel the same way.
That's it really. Decide which one suits you.

Actupfishy · 27/07/2023 22:38

Probably an accident

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 27/07/2023 22:38

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 22:36

I’m asking this in the nicest possible way… what’s the issue here? Are you upset that your friends aren’t acknowledging that he may still be in love with you? Do you still have feelings for him?

It was online. I haven’t discussed this irl.

OP posts:
Hannahsbananas · 27/07/2023 22:41

MaxwellCat · 27/07/2023 22:35

the only texts I get is from EE or Tesco’s / NHS but of course this is MN and I’m wrong and everyone speaks over texts 😂 my ex doesn’t text I think I know him more than anyone on here he ONLY texts me because he is blocked on my WhatsApp! No one has text me in years

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But what’s the actual relevance of this, since he DID actually text?
What difference does the method of communication actually make?

Mamai90 · 27/07/2023 22:41

I'm guessing by how much you're thinking about it that you're still in love with him too? Otherwise you'd just shrug and forget it?

I can't imagine it was an accident, I put my money on it being intentional, he was probably drunk but a lot of the time that's when your true feelings come out. The fact that it was over text makes it even more likely. And if it was a genuine mistake why hasn't he messaged to say, oops, wrong person? Definitely sounds like it was for you and I'm guessing the feeling must be mutual?

continentallentil · 27/07/2023 22:41

I remember the thread, I think people are encouraging you not to reply because it seemed like a bad idea.

Maybe he was drunk texting, maybe it was an accident - meant for whoever he’s seeing now (men have been known to mix up partner and ex partner names), maybe he’s being provocative.

But there isn’t one explanation I can think of that means you should respond. Delete and ignore.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 22:41

MaxwellCat · 27/07/2023 22:38

It was online. I haven’t discussed this irl.

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Then why is it upsetting you? The people who have commented don’t know you, or him, or the situation. Why does their (our) opinion matter?

strongcupofTea · 27/07/2023 22:46

INeedAnotherName · 27/07/2023 22:26

Depends if she has a smart phone or a cheap burner phone that only uses texts and calls especially if she's married. I only use WhatsApp at home as I'm on PAYG, otherwise I text.

Why would you only use text on paygo? I'm on giff gaff £10 a month and I have loads of data so no need to use text.

strongcupofTea · 27/07/2023 22:47

OP why don't you text him back 'I'm guessing you didn't mean to text me that?'

Sparklesocks · 27/07/2023 22:52

The thing is OP none of us have any more insight than you do. We don’t know him, we don’t know you. We have no idea what he was thinking, if it was sincere, an accident, a moment or weakness, a drunken text. We can’t add anything you haven’t already. You can’t apply general rules to these types of things because every situation is specific and there’s no one size fits all answer for why people text messages like that. If you really want to know you’ll have to ask him directly, either that or let it go and move on - or you’ll drive yourself mad wondering.

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 27/07/2023 22:55

I'm going to be harshly honest here.

He doesn't love you. If he did, he wouldn't voluntarily have no communication with you for 2mths.

My inkling is that you still haven't detached from him, and he knows he's always got you hanging around, should he need an ego boost/attention.

I'm going to further guess that this is one of the first times you've matched his lack of contact for a period of time, and his ego doesn't like it. So he's sent this crap to get you all in a tizz and send attention his way.

And here you are, writing (multiple?) threads to discuss the excitement. He'd be grinning smugly if he knew.

He's playing games with you. And not flirty games. Unkind games. Don't rise to it.

Wobblybobb · 27/07/2023 22:56

Didn’t you post this on the FB Single parents support group yesterday too?
Everyone agreed just ignore him.

JudgeRudy · 27/07/2023 22:57

MaxwellCat · 27/07/2023 22:19

then he would be talking to them on WhatsApp as no one texts anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️

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People do text btw

BrownHairedGirlWithTheBrightestSmile · 27/07/2023 22:57

Unless you still love him, why does it matter if he does love you. It’s irrelevant, he’s an ex. Just ignore it.

MollysBrolly · 27/07/2023 22:58

I've texted the person I was slagging off a few times. Back track always and delete all!

Hawkins0001 · 27/07/2023 22:59

Same if it was my ex, I'd consider the perspective and what they said, but only you know what's best for you op

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 27/07/2023 23:00

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 27/07/2023 22:55

I'm going to be harshly honest here.

He doesn't love you. If he did, he wouldn't voluntarily have no communication with you for 2mths.

My inkling is that you still haven't detached from him, and he knows he's always got you hanging around, should he need an ego boost/attention.

I'm going to further guess that this is one of the first times you've matched his lack of contact for a period of time, and his ego doesn't like it. So he's sent this crap to get you all in a tizz and send attention his way.

And here you are, writing (multiple?) threads to discuss the excitement. He'd be grinning smugly if he knew.

He's playing games with you. And not flirty games. Unkind games. Don't rise to it.

Nope you are wrong I never ever contact him first.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaxwellCat · 27/07/2023 23:00

Hawkins0001 · 27/07/2023 22:59

Same if it was my ex, I'd consider the perspective and what they said, but only you know what's best for you op

I would have thought it was normal to be confused by it but apparently not

OP posts:
BicOrange · 27/07/2023 23:00

Maybe he was hacked

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 27/07/2023 23:01

Wobblybobb · 27/07/2023 22:56

Didn’t you post this on the FB Single parents support group yesterday too?
Everyone agreed just ignore him.

Yes and most said it was an “accident” that’s what I’m referring to.

OP posts:
SmokedGlass · 27/07/2023 23:01

You are over thinking this text, he’s probably forgotten he sent it
what do you want to believe?

Brk · 27/07/2023 23:01

illiterato · 27/07/2023 22:27

At times like these I find it helps to turn to society’s great philosophers for wisdom. Here’s what Socrates has to say

”one, don’t pick up the phone, you know he’s only calling coz he’s drunk and alone…”

oh wait that’s Dua Lipa… never mind- still works!!

but basically I agree- not an accident. But probably drunk and a bit nostalgic. I’d just ignore tbh.

😂😂

OP listen to @illiterato

Hawkins0001 · 27/07/2023 23:02

MaxwellCat · 27/07/2023 23:00

I would have thought it was normal to be confused by it but apparently not

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Sometimes people split, meet another person have the family then realise the one that could of been etc.

In your case it seems very odd and puzzling but don't see how it was accidental.

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 27/07/2023 23:04

MaxwellCat · 27/07/2023 23:00

Nope you are wrong I never ever contact him first.

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I'm so sorry, I can see the answer you're looking for, that he loves you.

And having read many of your other posts, how he doesn't speak to you, never has the children more than a couple of hours a month, if at all, and it's been like this for 6yrs... He honestly doesn't.

I know that's not what you want to hear.

You are correct, the text was no accident. But he's an arse, not in love.

nancy75 · 27/07/2023 23:05

There are only limited possibilities here

  1. it was an accident
  2. he was drunk
  3. he's fucking with you
  4. He’s trying to find out if you love him
  5. he loves you
The more important question is how do you feel about him? Can’t stand him? Ignore it. Still in love with him message back & ask why he sent it.